Add orange juice to 37 for a delicious, fruity popsicle in the middle of a desert. Don't cut your tongue. Scroll of Burning As soon as it’s opened and someone begins reading it, it bursts into flames, very briefly, and then disappears (just like flash paper).

Useless Magic: Lyrics and Poetry by Florence Welch | Goodreads Useless Magic: Lyrics and Poetry by Florence Welch | Goodreads

Ring of Water Stain: This ring causes all beverages held by the wearer to leave a ring shaped stain on any surface it is placed onRod of Castellation: An intelligent item that will loudly comment on the quality of construction of any structure you happen to be near. Dagger of Whittling. A finely made halfling dagger, once attuned to, this dagger can whittle one small object once per day without the use of it’s master. Horn of Annoying Proclamations: This brass bugle compels its bearer to raise it to their lips and announce their companions' passage through any sort of doorway or portal with a loud and poorly performed fanfare, forcing all allies within earshot to make a dc 10 wisdom save or be compelled to cover their ears or slap the horn blower. Shield of Sneaky Heraldry: This enchanted shield can magically change its heraldry whenever the wearer wants to, bringing confusion to the enemy on the battlefield (and possibly to friendly forces as well). Mostly these items will start to creep into campaigns either as nuisance items, obscure use, or just of the lolz by creating a sudden panic when the item does something completely irrelevant and unexpected. A small sample of the list is below, but I would welcome some more if you have any;

Florence Welch - Useless Magic Lyrics and Tracklist | Genius

Luggage, can range from a tiny construct to fully grown, made out of a sentient tree this majestic creation can carry up to four hundred pounds, six cubic feet or one medium sized terrified creature. Luggage is vulnerable to fire. Luggage can attempt to bite or slam an enemy at 1d8 of piercing or slashing damage. Luggage can grow from a tiny construct to full ottoman sized. To keep it useless recommended to use stats of tiny construct. Invisibly-Everburning Torch: When held aloft, this torch produces a magical flame that never goes out and gives off no heat, which illuminates as a standard torch, but its light is only visible to creatures with darkvision (which it does not interfere with). Note--the area it illuminates is less than the vision range of darkvision. Wand of Mole: When you use the Wand of Mole a mole is summoned in an adjacent square and it rolls initiative. On its turn it burrows into the ground and avoids combat. Wand of Silent Image: This wand, made of a rare and exotic wood, is inlaid with intricate filigrees of colored gold (blue, green, white, and rose gold in addition to pure gold) that depict climbing morning glory vines, and is capped with a sapphire worth 200 gp. Engraved in fine elvish script on a ring-sized, well-worn gold band around the center of the wand, the only part of the wand that shows any sign of age, are the closing words of a High Elven wedding vow. The wand holds 10 charges, and regains 1d10 charges per long rest. When used, it invariably creates an image within 10ft of the caster of a plain-looking young human woman dressed in peasant's clothing placing a morning glory flower in her hair, smiling shyly to the caster, and waving in greeting, then fading away in the same round as the wand was used. No amount of magical skill short of direct action by a deity can make it change the image it produces.The iconic voice of Florence + the Machine shares a beautifully designed collection of her lyrics, poems and scrapbook entries Mouth of minty, Cool mint tablets, 3/3 uses. On eating one can cast ice breath for 1d6 damage. User feels minty fresh for days afterward. Quartz of Procrastination, I’ll get around to writing this down. (everyone in possession of this will procrastinate) Creature’s Crossbow, a crossbow made of unfamiliar wood full of notches and twists. Appears to have been made for some kind of unknown creature that’s designed differently from normal humanoids. Functions as a light crossbow, once per day can be used to inflict 1d6 of a random damage type onto a successfully fired shot that the user also takes. Requires a Int DC 10 to understand how to activate this. Arsonist's Tinderbox: An otherwise innocuous tinderbox that sets fire to everything - flammable or not - in a 20' radius.