There were a lot of positive points too (those that either I or the author found positive). There were all those good bits about French parenting like recognising but allowing children to make 'betises' (little naughty acts that don't warrant an over-reaction), encouraging children to develop a broad appreciation for different foods and the parents not giving up ALL of their selves/time to their children (though I do note, somewhat uneasily, that in French films where adults are the main characters, we may not realise at all that they are parents, or if we learn this, the children are rarely even SEEN, let alone have any part in the story). Several people mentioned that this book was helpful in seeing that French mothers don't feel guilty about numerous aspects of their parenting the way American mothers do. My spouse pointed out that it's books like these that contribute to mother guilt here in America, books that say you're doing it wrong, do it this way. I thought that was an interesting observation.

How do the French manage to raise well-behaved children and have a life! Who hasn’t noticed how well-behaved French children are – compared to our own? The New York Times Wins an Emmy (Its Tenth)". The New York Times Company. 6 October 2017 . Retrieved 16 August 2023.That is a bundle of generalisations and stereotypes, but then few things are guaranteed to polarise opinions – and boost sales – as much as how we raise and educate our offspring. Giving to SIPA > List of Donors". SIPA: School of International and Public Affairs at Columbia University. Archived from the original on 14 August 2009.

Some have complained that the author's comments are observational, not scientific. True. But that makes her observations and comments no less valid; or, even, less true. Lise Fuccellaro believes British children may be less disciplined than their French cousins, but says they often grow up to be nicer adults: "French children may be better brought up in the strictest sense, but they grow up to be very individualistic," she said. I was at an English friend's house and her six-year-old son was thumping the piano as we were trying to speak. His mother said 'yes that's lovely, but not so loud'. He just carried on. I said to myself if this was France the child would have been hauled off to another part of the room and made to stop. British parental culture is very relaxed, while we terrorise our children." However, this does not mean they are not under pressure. They may accept the pressures of their society, which are very different from ours, but that is not the same as not feeling them. For example, weight control is a national obsession among the French. Not having regained your figure three months after giving birth is considered shameful. Literally. French husbands, doctors, relatives, friends, all feel that a woman who has not lost her pregnancy weight by three months is failing her duty as a wife and woman and will tell her so.

The only take away that I have from this book is that only because we are parents doesn't mean that our lives have to be centered around our kids every second of every day. I already knew that. She says that French mothers are consistently "happier" than American parents. I could be cheery with my kids all the time too if they spent all day 5 days a week in day care. I could be perfectly patient and gorgeous for the remaining two hours of the day that they were awake. It also taps into the British self-flagellation previously aired in the 2004 dieting tome French Women Don't Get Fat. The place of a child in its mother's mind is much more defined and separate in France. An Anglo-Saxon mother faced with the piano-thumping child would be saying 'what is my child feeling?'. A French mother would be asking 'what am I feeling?'. If we empathise too much with our children that it becomes intolerable to punish or limit them, this is terrible for the child. If you believe your main objective is to be liked by your child, you are in big trouble." Lise Fuccellaro, mother of four children aged eight, 12, 14 and 16, lived in England for seven years before returning to the Paris region. I found the author and I were equally surprised at some French attitudes / practices but that she has come to embrace many of them. I wonder how I will view this book, and French parenting, in a few years' time -esp as my husband is French (and thus, his family here) which could bring some expectations for ways of doing things different from what I'm used to (as a Kiwi).