Twisting It: The Assorted Poisons 59 earliest childhood) angry feelings toward her mother and sister. As she was able to feel, accept, and express (with a good deal of emotion) these feelings, the thoughts vanished and sleep ensued. This was no simple matter. For this to happen, her attitude toward anger plus her unrealistic angelic image of herself had to be changed, which required much self-examination in all areas and realistic self-acceptance. We both worked hard and the results were very gratifying. Shakespeare is famous for coining the phrase: "all the world's a stage," and readers and audiences since his time who've read or watched his plays performed have taken that thinking into account. But for Shakespeare the phrase had more literal implications. While he was growing up, Shakespeare participated in a troupe of traveling performers: for them the world was literally a stage and their livelihoods depended on their performance.

These are complicated emotional syndromes or sets of symptoms. They are always linked to anxiety. They may be considered as emotional traps that are almost impossible to escape without professional help. Sometimes they are linked to perverted anger, as is often the case with anxiety itself. Irrational sets of ideas, beliefs, and preoccupations may consist of one or more sets of "peculiar thoughts"—for example, my patient's obsessive thoughts about hurting her little son. Compulsions—or the inordinate, uncontrollable need to do something over and over again without apparent rationale—as well as phobias (irrational fears) often have many roots, but I have often found very long roots connecting down to perverted anger. I remember a patient of mine who was terribly afraid (without apparent reason) of redChildren do in fact "receive" and "record" what goes on around them, and they learn. They learn by doing over and over again -- by repetition -- and this doing is often initiated by imitation. They also learn by identification with a parent or relative. They learn by experimenting and testing, that is, by doing and then observing parental response to their actions. Of course all this applies to emotions and how the parents emote and respond to the child's feelings, especially the feeling -- and expression -- of anger. Overcoming Anger in Your Relationship: How to Break the Cycle of Arguments, Put-Downs, and Stony Silences After a discussion with a guy I know whose sister drove the tour bus while Hedwig and the Angry Inch was touring from Winnipeg to Montréal, I've earned some serious respect for Mitchell and Trask. It takes some guts to believe that your story is important and that people would not only benefit from hearing it, but that they need to hear it. This hard, no compromise attitude towards the artistic integrity of the play exists in Hedwig's character and nearly destroys her as she drives away those who care about her most in her maniacal pursuit for recognition and justice. But it goes a bit deeper than that.

burdening conscience of a parent or parents. Of course there are many conditions, possibilities, and complications. However subtle, perverted anger and all the poisons are always terribly destructive to human relations. In this particular form of "I'm with you" some of the destructive possibilities in the all-important parent-child relationship can be disastrous. on—and at best it had gross limitations. She ostensibly came to see me because of trouble with a daughter. Eventually she realized that her real trouble was with herself and her attitude toward all people. In time she became a much '"realer" person. As her slush saving account diminished, she became more self-assertive—with both her husband and her daughter. Relationships in the family improved all around because they were no longer dealing with mirror images and superficially sweet, pleasing shadows. Thus this patient began to deal with real people as the frustration of living incommunicado began to dissipate. Tomorrow and Tomorrow: Chronic Anticipation, Obsessive Ruminating, Peculiar Thoughts These poisons are still a few other depressed bedfellows. Much slush is twisted into useless anticipation of events that have no importance or will never occur or over which there can be no control. Much slush is twisted into obsessive ruminating or endless, useless, intertwined worries that go on with no object other than selftorture, self-deception (avoidance of anger), and dissipation of perverted anger. There are people who spend half a lifetime and nearly all their energy in self-destructive preoccupation with pasts that can not be undone and futures that will never arrive. These first two bedfellows —chronic anticipation and obsessive ruminating —are particularly evident in very angry, depressed people who have particularly large slush funds. Of course they have no idea that they are angry. H o w many times I v e heard these statements linked together: "If only IDreams can be a form of poison. This is true for individuals whose sole angry outlet is dreams and who continually have dreams that are slushladen. Dreams are exceedingly complicated psychological manifestations, and their interpretation is a complex business. Many volumes have been written on the subject, and the last word is far from said. All psychoanalysts agree, however, that a dream can be meaningful only in the terms of the dreamer himself. This means that it is necessary to know the history of the dreamer and the particular and individual meaning of his particular symbols (the words and pictures that appear in his dreams). We must approach any kind of generalization or general symbol-meaning with great care. Every analyst, however, is aware that certain kinds of dreams appear again and again in people with Savers are the victims of long-term poison. They are special "don't-make-wavers" who spend a lifetime twisting perverted anger into a cancerous, poisonous smoke screen. These are the (unconscious and sometimes not-so-unconscious) keepers of permanent gripe lists. T h e y often operate on a supersweet-talk basis, too. In any case, their relationship with people remains an essentially dishonest one. Most savers see themselves, not as enormous gatherers of anger, but rather as beleaguered, misunderstood, "understanding" martyrs. On the basis of this martyrdom, they feel they deserve all kinds of special consideration and undying love. W h e n these aren't forthcoming they feel they have been unjustly treated—and they get angry, turn it off, save it, and feel even more martyred. They are the great injustice collec-

denying. Since she herself uses guilt as a weapon, she is not about to use it on herself. Besides, the idea of hostility would destroy her image of perfect and ever-devoted motherhood. But even in her protest she is still consistently manipulative and hostile and still attempting to engender guilt. "Your mother who only lives for you" is an extremely hostile statement. In effect it says, "I give my life for you, therefore you owe me yours. Nothing you do for me is enough. You are in debt to me and can never pay off that debt. Remember, your own life is not your sole responsibility. You have to worry about mine also." Where there is anxiety there is bound to be depression and vice versa. I have never seen clinical evidence of depression without signs of concomitant raw anxiety. Depression may be mild or severe, acute, or chronic, periodic (in regular on-and-off phases) or sporadic. It has a cause, but the cause may be elusive and impossible to discern. Depression is always painful and destructive, sometimes to the point of paralysis. It may completely destroy one's ability to function and rob one of every semblance of happiness. Depression, however, is not always severe and incapacitating. It can also be subtle and chronic—so chronic, in fact, that its victim may have no awareness that he is depressed. I have seen patients who have been depressed for so many years that they forgot what it is like to feel otherwise. Only at their first sign of getting

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tors. Those that finally come into treatment demonstrate a remarkable memory for every seeming injustice committed against them over a lifetime. Most come into treatment when leakage starts taking place after years and years of saving. An inability to continue to deny anger is felt as terrifying indeed and produces enormous anxiety and depression since it threatens to destroy the entire savings account and the martyred image along with it. Some do not suffer an acute or sudden leak. They manage to save up their anger for twenty years and then slowly leak it out for the next twenty years. When this slow, chronic leakage takes place, it nearly always stems from injustices committed (against the martyred saver) in the past. Savers don't dare deal with present events. This might start an avalanche and a complete flood and inundation. Leakage of the past can bring some relief while the martyred, nonangry, sweet image is still maintained. I remember one woman who sweetly talked about wrongs committed by her husband in the past and how "I always took them" but who invariably managed to end the treatment hour convinced of the sweetness of their relationship—now. Of course she never really had let him know how she felt. Consequently there were many false elements to their relationship—little phony acts, and so Introduction This book is about a basic human emotion— anger. Too often anger is not seen as basic or human. Anger is easily the most maligned and perverted of feelings and responses. Although there is an enormous range of "angry problems," nearly all people have some difficulty handling anger. The price paid for the distortion of a basic emotion is incalculable. Poor mental health, poor physical health, damage to relationships—especially to parent-child relationships—and even that most malignant of human diseases—war—are the wages of distorted anger. Therefore it behooves us to understand and to work through our feelings about anger. As you read, you will see that insight into these feelings can free and make available many other feelings, talents, and potentials. A healthier angry outlook must lead to greater health, to improved parentchild relating, to a fuller life, and to success and happiness. Indeed, it can even be lifesaving. T. I. R.