My one consolation researching this article was that I assumed Felix Clay had already uncovered all instances of sexualized arachnids in his foray into Rule 34, so I would be spared. Man, that's actually kind of impressive. You almost find yourself thinking this might be a prop for a TV show, or maybe cosplay gear. And then you notice that the manufacturer specifically sells this thing as a sexy product, and that's that. Enjoy all the sexy role-playing with zero access to your fun parts, ladies! Voted "most likely to come to life at night and murder you in your sleep" during his rookie season.

Toy Wolverine Claws - Etsy Toy Wolverine Claws - Etsy

Before you ask: yes, it's Japanese; yes, the wool can be removed completely; and no, you can't have a picture. Here we stand at the point of the article where the inevitable anthropomorphic animals start creeping out of the woodwork. Did you think there wouldn't be any? There are plenty. Still, as sexy-time costumes go, this thing is child's play compared to ... 4 K9 Muzzle With Puppy Fist MittsNah, let's avoid lawsuits this time. Just focus on his most recognizable power and turn it into a butt plug or whatever." That, friends, is a vibrator, and it's also an unnecessarily realistic scorpion statuette. With a box shaped like a coffin and a name like Death by Orgasm, this thing is either heavily marketed for goths or the worst-camouflaged Darwin Award test the world has ever seen (options are not mutually exclusive). No, wait. What I meant to say was "murder." Nothing screams " murder" like a clown about to go nuts on your fun parts. Everyone reading this has probably heard the saying: "Anything's a sex toy if you're brave enough." There are people who treat everyday objects as potential sex toys, stuffing things up their butts in numbers that have required poor medical researchers to write actual papers on objects doctors have found up folks. Still, should you happen to be the kind of person that buys creepy Meyer memorabilia such as Twilight underwear, you might as well go the whole nine yards and get one of these, if only to creep out Robert Pattinson. Dude's already so ashamed of his association with the movies, he's started to overcompensate by looking like Wolverine.

Wolverine Construction Figure 76257 | Marvel - LEGO Wolverine Construction Figure 76257 | Marvel - LEGO

Come, feast your eyes on the real-life manifestations of the darkest corners of the Internet, custom made to freak out your genitalia in a manner that is guaranteed to leave you in need of a shower. Of lye, possibly. Note: As you can probably guess, all links from now on are NSFW as balls. 10 Horror Movie Dongs and Vaginas Twilight has thankfully been removed from its status as the ruler of hearts of people who don't know better, and the mind-boggling number of otherwise sane human beings who freaked out over the books and movies have grown up and quietly tossed all evidence of their Stephenie Meyer habit to the "FREE STUFF!" bin at the yard sale or, better yet, an incinerator.