I love Jesus deeply. I’m an orthodox Christian with theological views that would land me squarely in the evangelical camp, & maybe even fundamentalist to some. I even have my Bachelor’s degree in Biblical & Theological Studies. The truth is we can’t find satisfaction inside ourselves because we are the problem. We struggle with feelings of inadequacy because we are inadequate. Alone, we are not good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough. We’re not enough–period. And that’s okay, because God is. Well, I don’t know how to begin this, because this book made me mad so many times, I was close to abandoning it but eventually I read all of it because sometimes you have to read perspectives that do not align with your own, so here we go. It could have been a good book, if not for the Christian propaganda. I would have included quotes if I hadn’t deleted my e-book (with all the notes) by accident🤡. The author had some (but very few) good points in this book, but that is too little unfortunately. I think the author didn’t understand what 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 actually refers to, and she went on rambling about how people think of themselves as 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 (which I don’t think that is the case). I don’t think this refers to flawlessness, but the fact that we often ask too much from ourselves (as a perfectionist myself, I know the feeling) and we want to be a thousand things and do one thousand things a day, and then we realize that we are not able to do everything we want, and sometimes it is better to give ourselves a break and that is ok to not do everything. But she took it too far. And also the 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 thing. Oh my. I think it refers strictly to romantic relationships, not all the people in our lives, but of course she had to exaggerate *eye roll*. Also the affirmations about abortion really got to me, saying that women ”reject motherhood” , like she just ignores the consequences of bringing unwanted children into this world. It’s not like everyone wakes up one day and says 𝘖𝘩, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯!, it is a basic human right..So funny that pro-lifers rarely (if ever) mention children in foster care, like what about them??? They WERE born. And that case she mentioned with the kid and saying that the gender you were born (given by God) is the gender you should live with the rest of your life *disgust*. And that every woman should be a mother if she can, but what if she doesn’t want to? Also the fact that believers only take ”the word of God” into account, and not ”trends”, like lol 😂. And it's sad because when I first saw this book I was genuinely intrigued by this argument that we are not enough and it is okay to accept this truth so long as we're willing to do something about it. The only toxicity in the idea of "you are enough" I see is that it potentially supports laziness in actively trying to solve our problems. Saying "I'm enough" isn't going to resolve issues within a relationship someone may have. Too often today women are told they are enough to do, be and have all the thingstheir little heart desires. But what happens when these women, mostly young women, have it all, do it all, and become it all? When they pursue self-love, elevate themselves, and only look out for #1? Are they truly enough to fulfill their every hope, desire, and need or are they left depleted, defeated, and perhaps even self-destructed?

To say that people who do not buy this religion nonsense have no right to be angry about the Holocaust and slavery if they don't believe in god is egregiously disgusting. And yet, that's more or less what she is saying. It's as though the collective decision of society to tell everyone that mass murder and enslaving others simply because they are different from us are horrible things to do don't even matter. Why? Honestly, to even describe my feelings about this would take a very long time and I’m a bit overwhelmed by the sharp turn this book took.But if you're putting off kids because you're just not ready for that kind of commitment, I'll tell you what someone probably should have told me two years ago: it's time to grow up. It's time to ask God to help your emotional maturity match your biological reality. If you are a mentally stable and physically able married adult woman, you are ready to have children. (p 184)" While reading this book, I took notes and highlighted a lot with the intention of referencing them heavily for this review. I have since changed my mind, partly because it’s a lot of material to parse through, partly because Gabby (who’s the best wife of all wives) says my articles are better when they’re less than 600 words, and partly because it would just be better for you to read the book for yourself. I also restricted the calories I consumed and spent multiple hours a day working out. The more weight I lost, the more alcohol I drank, and the more guys who paid attention to me, the easier it was for me to ignore the haunting fear the breakup had left me with: that I wasn’t enough. You’re going to die,” she told me, leaning forward on the edge of her seat. Her elbows rested on her knees, and her hands were clasped as if in prayer. “This is going to kill you.”

It had started to affect my life. I’d be at a restaurant, having just finished dinner and unable to enjoy the conversation with my friends because I was thinking about how badly I wanted to get rid of the food I’d just eaten. Once, when I was working at a conference for work, I lied to my coworker about needing to get something out of my room so I could go throw up. Another time a friend caught me in the bathroom, my head over the toilet. I thought she was downstairs. She walked in and asked if I was okay. I said I was fine. She didn’t push, but she knew I was lying. She tells us that we are told, especially if we're little girls, that we are perfect from childhood. This is where I face-palm repeatedly at her inability to recognize just how often little girls are shown and, yes, told that they could never be perfect unless they measure up to an insane number of impossible standards that society thrusts in their faces. This idea that any child is given the opportunity to think that they are perfect is so ludicrous that I'm honestly mind-boggled by it. I don't know where she gets this idea that people tell children they are perfect, but it's a lie. I started going out more often and drinking more heavily. Single for the first time in my college career, I had a slew of new dating prospects. I was hanging out with people I considered the “party” crowd. They welcomed me and encouraged me to live it up these few months before the last year of college ended. The newness of it all helped numb my pain.

My Reaction to the Book

If we worship the God of Scripture, we trust him ... If we worship the god of self, we'll sacrifice anything on its altar to satisfy its demand." (46-47) But here’s the catch: a problem can never be its own solution. If you feel insecure, you won’t find the cure to that inside you. You’ll need to look outside yourself for an antidote. That’s why striving for self-love leaves you feeling exhausted, hollow, and purposeless. The truth is we can't find satisfaction inside ourselves because we are the problem. We struggle with feelings of inadequacy because we are inadequate. Alone, we are not good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough. We're not enough--period. And that's okay, because God is. The truth is we can't find satisfaction inside ourselves because we are the problem. We struggle with feelings of inadequacy because we are inadequate. Alone, we are not good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough. We're not enough—period. And that's okay, because God is.

The fall of my senior year he broke up with me. Though I was ­devastated, I knew I didn’t want to spend my last semester sad. But it was my last semester of college, and I was determined not to spend it sad. So I rebounded—but not in a good way. You can't really say you support logic, facts, and proof when you are also suggesting that some invisible being lives up in the sky, created us, and somehow loves us all enough to be massively involved in every minuscule thing that happens in our lives. You can't say you support logic, facts, and proof when you deny science. You can't posit that basic science says only male and female genders exist when you can't even understand the basic science of pregnancy viability. Self-love is definitely a problem in our culture and our worth should be found in God and God alone.

Customer reviews

The call for Christians is not to be the best version of their personality type, but to be like Christ. No matter what our natural inclinations, strengths, or deficits may be, we are all called to live holy lives.”

I thought the final two chapters did actually have some merit. The Christian ethic she laid out of dating & marriage was quite good (though, there are many books with excellent advice that you won’t have to slog through a ton of negativity to get to). However, in “Myth #4, You’re Entitled to Your Dreams”, she makes the case that glorifying God is what is important, not achieving your dream job, then immediately describes how she achieved her dream job. (?!) While ‘the thief comes only to steal kill and destroy’ in the name of self-love, Jesus came that we may have abundant life through him (John 10:10). His way leads to joy, to peace, to wisdom, to comfort, to steadiness, to purpose – to all the things you’ve been told to look for in yourself but haven’t been able to find. You’re not enough. You’ve never been enough. You never will be enough. And that’s okay”. Among other large sections of her book, I think this is one of the more clarifying assertions she makes: After that appointment I got into my car, put my head in my hands, and broke down. I cried out to God with a million questions: How did I get here? And how do I stop? Can I? Can I really let go of this? What will happen if I do? Are you going to be with me? Will you help? In the chapter The High Cost of Doing You, she began talking about abortion, transgender kids, and non-monogamy in a way that felt judgmental and for me, it took away from the message in her book. I am open and want to hear different perspectives, but the idea that those things are inherently wrong because it’s in the “cult of self-affirmation” (an idea I was curious about) feels hypocritical and not taking into consideration other peoples’ different relationships with God.his book is about dismantling the lies the toxic culture of self-love has fed us and replacing them with God’s truth. Christians do not need “social justice.” We have the Word of God as our guide to what causes to care about and how to fight for them.” But recognizing what one has been doing in a relationship and how it may not resolve current problems can give people motivation and purpose. It allows us an opportunity to step up and find ways to better ourselves and resolve issues. I'm okay with the idea that I'm not enough in the sense that I can find purpose in improving myself, in becoming a better person and in helping the rest of the world be better, too.