Missing you is like the ocean. Sometimes the waves toss and churn, and sometimes all is calm as I float upon a glassy, mystic surface. Sometimes the tide pulls me out to fearsome depths, or washes me up on golden-sanded shores. Sometimes my stamina fails and I sink beneath the surface. And sometimes I feel my muscles stir with newfound strength as I learn to swim in that beautiful sea of memories. Related: If the only cure for grief is action, here are some ways to memorialize your loved one. Memorial Tributes Available Here Available Here Bring something. Food and flowers are always appreciated. Or some other items, like practical household necessities (does a grieving person shop for TP?) or a sympathy gift. You are gone, but thank you for all these soft, sweet things you have left behind in my home, in my head, in my heart. – Nikita Gill I was simply blown away by the whole retreat and gained so much from attending, it really was special and I think the most healing space and time I’ve ever experienced before… the balance was perfect, I learnt a lot about trust and the value of just creating space! I know I was very ready for it, but that does not take away in any way shape or form, the power of what you both created” (Autumn Grief retreat 2021 attendee)

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom. – Rumi Tears are very close to my eyes… Not for pain… no… I do not cry because of pain. I cry only because of beautiful things. – Zakes Mda Pippa Vosper tragically lost her son Axel in 2017, when she was five months pregnant, and has since written about miscarriage and baby loss online and in a series of pieces for Vogue. Beyond Grief: Navigating the Journey of Pregnancy and Baby Loss is the book she wishes had been available when her son died. It covers every aspect of pregnancy and baby loss at any stage, from the practical to the emotional, with advice from experts and stories from women who have been through it themselves. Beyond Grief offers both an inclusive perspective and a guiding hand to anyone who has experienced any kind of pregnancy loss, as well as those who are trying to support them through it. Talk about everyday life too. Their loss and grief do not have to be the focus of all your conversations. Having said that, one of the things that we know is that grief is tied to all sorts of different brain functions we have, from being able to recall memories to taking the perspective of another person, to even things like regulating our heart rate and the experience of pain and suffering. So lots of different parts of the brain are orchestrating this experience that we have when we feel grief.

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Regardless of the loss, it’s normal to grieve. The emotions will come and, have no doubt, they will ebb and flow like a tidal wave, at first. As you move through the grief process, the waves will come more gently before they ebb again.

Who should J talk to and share this heartbreak with? Will her work understand and give her compassionate leave, just like they would if someone dies? Is what J feeling even normal? Total grief is like a minefield. No knowing when one will touch the tripwire. – Sylvia Townsend Warner

What’s included

Similarly, to B’s feelings of loneliness, it’s possible that J too may experience loneliness, feelings of overwhelm and be consumed by her emotions. These feelings may stall her grief process, creating an unhealthy, damaging grief response e.g. ‘complicated grief’.