EM: Explain to me how … what about your guys' relationship … what it consists of and stuff like that. IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU is sinister, creepy and, in some ways, addictive. Its tense and compulsive narration gives the reader a sense of claustrophobia. The characters are impulsive, vulnerable and mostly unlikeable. While the plot itself is quite cleverly written as one long detailed letter that provides a slow burn build of tension culminating to an ugly end, it did drag a little in places but the concept itself was genius. This isn't your usual psychological thriller, it is a study of manipulation and gaslighting at its most cruel ways.

I can remember reading bits and pieces about the Powell family on the internet. Just like everyone else, I was spellbound by this story. Hoping for a happy ending. Even though Susan was missing. I was praying for the two little boys, Charlie and Braden. It seemed like the boys were going to get their happy ending until that unthinkable act by their father took them away. A 28 year old receptionist in a private doctor’s surgery in Kensington. A chain-smoking, emotionally stunted woman who is running away from her past having recently experienced a traumatic loss. Living in a crappy bedsit, drinking too much and avoiding her own feelings so when the handsome and charming Dr Samuel Stevens starts working at the surgery she can’t help falling for him. It’s the story of Constance Little, a tough cookie who appears thoroughly self-centred and unlikeable. When Dr Samuel Stevens joins the surgery where she works she becomes obsessed with him; he’s everything she wants in a man and it looks like he feels the same. Susan, Josh and the boys are missing. We don't know where they are. They haven't been seen since church. Maxwell asks Josh more pointedly if he is worried about Susan. For years to come, the West Valley City police would say that Josh never acted concerned about Susan, didn't ask about the investigation into her disappearance, and never helped look for her.

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Josh was like a broken record. No doubt he'd been taken by surprise that he, Charlie, Braden, and Susan were discovered to be missing early that morning by Debbie Caldwell. He probably planned to arrive home before anyone knew he was gone, maybe dispose of Susan's purse to make it look like she had left voluntarily, and later he would report her missing. He would have time to come up with a story. He'd lost that advantage.

On the surface, Samuel is handsome and educated and he’s a doctor too so he must be kind, right? Wrong. He is wilfully blind, making false promises to women, pretending that he wants a relationship with them even though all he wants is casual sex. When those women call him out on his behaviour, he dismisses them as ‘nutters’. If I Can’t Have You is Charlotte Levin’s superb debut novel and is part thriller and part human interest story which is a smart and heart-breaking read. It poses the question: how far would you be willing to go for the one you love?Jennifer went into the master bedroom. Despite the clutter, she noticed Susan's blue leather purse on a table by the foot of the bed. It contained her wallet, credit cards, and keys. There was no cell phone. The house was messy, but that was normal. There was no sign of forced entry or a robbery, home invasion, or struggle. Susan's red nylon snow boots, which she wore whenever she left the house, were in the living room. I don’t want to give any more of the plot away as the character development is so intriguing and well done that the less you know the better. And there are some great characters in this book; every one of them adds so much to the story. What I did love about Constance was her wit pipped at the post only by a lesser character, Edward, who provided the balance and sanity and light relief much needed in this tale of obsession, loneliness, fear and hope. A well deserved 5 stars. Congratulations to the author. The dry humor was refreshing and softens the tough battle Constance is dealing with . The ending is rather abrupt and could have been more elaborated . quote "It's funny, grief, isn't it? How you die with them. Whoever you were before has gone +... "unquote)