Last series, serious sexual assaults in their cruise ship division were exposed. The victims had been silenced with hush money. The Roys weren’t involved, but the scandal ripped the family apart. Now it’s son Kendall versus the rest, which is not an even fight.

Bushell Garry Bushell

THINGS we’ll sadly never hear: Due to supply-chain issues, EastEnders will suffer a shortage of misery over Xmas. Random Irritations: The snidey war on GB News conducted by extremists who want to close down free speech. I will boycott every firm that pulls their ads. Even likeable BGT winner Axel Blake should’ve been told his material and charisma fell well short of his delivery. Cowell seemed befuddled and was clearly cowed by the rowdy studio audience.IRVINE Welsh does Rebus on BritBox series Crime, a bleak Edinburgh-based police procedural with a rapidly unravelling DI. It’s not for the faint-hearted but Begbie would lap it up. BEST exchange – Starmer: “Mum and dad rescued donkeys.” Piers: “Is that what made you become leader of the Labour Party?” For the ass, see Owen Jones. Peter gives her a bear and shots it dead for fun, forces her into a threesome and, when she tries to escape in a crate, he has it dumped in a lake. These are the highlights by the way. Billed as “an occasionally true story”, it’s largely untrue, and disappointingly lame. I MISS Liam, who thought Elton John was two people – Elt and John. A future on daytime quiz shows awaits.

Garry Bushell Garry Bushell

Unabashed, Paige replied “the broken eagle” prompting older viewers to consult Google and discover it’s where a woman lies on her front with one leg bent and lets the bloke do all the work – sort of collapsed doggy. Referring to his own Strictly “scandal”, Seann added “At least he didn’t have to learn the Charleston the week after”. THINGS I’d like to pitch on Dragons’ Den: The Handmaid’s Trowel, perfect for loading extra agony into any TV drama. He’s swapped opening gags for lazy chitchat, which is no substitute. And as his Friends special proved, he’s no interviewer. Any further up their arses and he’d have needed a snorkel.They spoke of kill-or-be-killed encounters, of bayoneting the enemy at close quarters, and of the stench of trenches caped in crap, guts and blood. BEAUTY, we’re told, is in the eye of the beer-holder, which is why I felt compelled – in the interests of reviewing – to drink along as they created ales and lagers on James Blunt’s Beer Masters. I’d reached the pint of no return by episode six, but there’s much joy in this competitive brewing challenge. AMANDA said Eva, who has cerebral palsy, had “funny bones”. D’oh! For funny boners see... (Cut! Ed).