But whatever has gone before, it’s important to take responsibility for ourselves in the here and now.

If you wish that you and your brother did more things together, just the two of you — plan an outing and invite him. Often we feel at the mercy of others. We think that how we feel is an unavoidable consequence of what someone else says or does.But really, we give them this power. It is always your own mind that creates the suffering you experience. We’ve all had to deal with assholes before, but what do you do when those assholes are actually meant to be your nearest and dearest? Maybe your parents, sister, brother, aunt, uncle cousin — or whoever it is —didn’t know the impact they were having on you. The author approaches this special and exciting moment in her daughters' lives with great respect and care. All the while reminding us how challenging and revolutionary it is actually to be a teenage girl. Her insistence on maintaining self-control, pride, joy, support, humility in the face of their growth is vastly humane and sweet. If your family doesn’t respect you have a habit of making everything about them, without asking questions about how you are.

This is a survivor’s guide for mums. This book will help you connect with your daughter and feel good about your mothering as you raise the bright and brilliant young women of tomorrow. And whilst learning to regulate your emotions, do keep in mind that you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family. That may be as simple as choosing not to engage or get involved in any dramas. Or it may mean cutting out certain people altogether. Once you have expressed how you’re feeling, you can then lay out some common ground rules for moving forward.

If your family suggests you’re just being over-sensitive, are imagining it all or they always put the blame on you — they could be gaslighting you. 18) They don’t share with you Of course, you love your mom, but that doesn’t mean you can just drop everything and come running whenever she asks you to. Although it’s a fine line, a toxic relationship isn’t always synonymous with emotional abuse, which can also come out in the words your mom uses. "A toxic relationship is a dynamic between two or more people where emotional needs generally go unmet because of issues that have nothing to do with the other person," Danielle Forshee, Psy.D, L.C.S.W., tells Bustle. While toxicity can be tough to spot, it often comes down to how another person makes you feel. “The word ‘toxic’ in terms of a relationship means that one person’s behavior leads to serious negative emotional consequences for the other person,” says Elliot Pinsly, LMSW, a licensed clinical social worker. Whether it’s intentional or subconscious, “a toxic person tends to be controlling, demanding, manipulative, demeaning, and/or self-centered,” he says. And it can leave you feeling down, or as if your self-esteem has taken a hit.