We must give children the circuitry of consent. If they don’t want hugs from their grandparents, they shouldn’t get hugs from their grandparents. No should always mean “No” and not a joking “yes.” As someone who gets overstimulated easily, tantrums can be hard for me to deal with. It always helps to remind myself that tantrums, while uncomfortable, are normal and healthy. In these moments, the child is experiencing an emotion that is simply too big for them to regulate at their stage of development. By focusing and obsessing about behavior modification, we impute that behavior onto our children’s identity. In other words, our reactions to their transient behaviors get internalized into their identities which can be extremely harmful and toxic and can last well into their adulthood. The obsession with fixing their problems and focusing on happiness being the optimum state ill-prepares children to navigate their emotions. If we shame away emotions of distress, this translates into adulthood anxiety because we’ve created an adult who suddenly doesn’t have someone to enforce happiness and they can’t achieve it themselves so they are left with anxiety, dread and depression. If your child has no intrinsic motivation to complete something, you can either bully them (authoritarian parenting), or you can provide extrinsic motivation (authoritative parenting), or you let them skip it (permissive parenting). Book Summary: 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think… 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think is a collection of thought-provoking essays that delve into the human psyche and explore the intricacies of the mind. Written by…

Good Inside: The new Sunday Times bestselling gentle

In each of these examples, parents are asking their kids to inhibit an urge or desire that, frankly, they are developmentally incapable of inhibiting.” Connection-building is ongoing and it creates the best environment for kids to bring their inside good to the outside, but it doesn’t do away with unwanted behaviors. In the next section, let’s talk first about bad behaviors, and then about normal behaviors that look bad. When Disconnection Occurs When you see a child hesitate to join the group, that’s actually a good thing. They’re trying to understand what’s going on before jumping in. You can help your child by talking about something big beforehand or by sitting with them through their hesitancy and answering any questions they may have. Don’t push them into a situation they don’t feel comfortable with. In the end, you want them to be able to trust their feelings, and that won’t happen if you tell them their feelings are wrong by pushing them into something they don’t want to do. Imagine your child is twenty-five years old. Do you want your child to be able to say, ‘No, that’s not okay with me,’ when someone asks her an inappropriate question? Do you want her to be able to ask for a raise? To be able to tell her partner, ‘I need you to talk to me more respectfully’? If we want our kids to be able to recognize their wants and needs as adults, then we need to start seeing tantrums as an essential part of their development.” Parenting is self-development

Dzīvesspēks nav statiska rakstura iezīme, kas bērnam vai nu piemīt, vai trūkst, tā ir prasme, ko var izkopt un ko vecāki palīdz attīstīt kopš mazotnes. Gentle Parenting is the azimuth of helicopter parenting. Helicopter parents micromanage what their kids eat, how they study, who they hang out with, and what they do in their spare time. The goal is to optimize the outcome for your child. But GP takes it one step further and says the parent can also optimize the emotional landscape of the child. We all have our own jobs in the family and a child’s job is this- exploring and learning through experiencing and expressing emotions.” Children are wired to notice changes in their environment ( Why do my parents look sad? Why is everyone saying the word funeral?), and kids are wired to perceive changes as a threat until an adult helps determine that they are safe. Blame it on evolution: for our species to survive, a child had to assume a rumbling in the forest was a bear until an adult confirmed it as a squirrel. The child registers fear until an adult is present to explain. Even if a parent confirms “the worst,” a child will feel safer knowing that they are not alone because an adult is with them in their scary reality. A supportive, honest, caring presence feels safe to children and makes difficult truths manageable. In this way, the good-inside method isn’t about honoring feelings and giving children whatever they want; it’s about honoring feelings and holding boundaries.

Book Summary: Good Inside by Becky Kennedy Book Summary: Good Inside by Becky Kennedy

From all of my readings over the years on parenting, I still struggle with controlling my own emotions when my kids are having ‘big feelings’. It’s really been bothering me lately, because I know that if I cannot regulate mySELF, then I sure as hell am not teaching my kids how to do so. And worse, I’m showing them how to lose control when things get tough.

Part Two: The Emotional Health of the Child

The rationale behind this is pseudoscientific babble. Kids cannot regulate their emotions well (fact). Therefore, you need to help them (okay). And if you don’t do it the right way, the kid will grow up emotionally unhealthy and be unable to have functional adult relationships (whaaaat…?!). This approach overall is so needy on the part of the parents. There's so much in there that assumes being in your kid's face all the time (e.g., the 'fill you up with mommy' game, sitting with them in their room) will solve every issue. Sure...it's a flattering thought and I see why some parents like it. Book Summary: Born to Win by Zig Ziglar with Tom Ziglar In “Born to Win,” Zig Ziglar and his son Tom Ziglar share their wisdom and insights on how to live a successful and fulfilling life. The book is divided into… This concept kind of blew my mind. I’ve applied it to nearly every relationship in my life since I read this book. Proverbs 29:15 - The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.