As he did in Who Not How, Dr. Benjamin Hardy shares one of Dan Sullivan's simple yet profound teachings that until now has been known only to his Strategic Coach clients: unsuccessful people focus on "The Gap", but successful people focus on "The Gain". Shortform note: Hardy and Sullivan recommend avoiding Gap-thinking entirely to prevent stress from becoming toxic. Other experts suggest managing stress more proactively by channeling your anxiety into productive behaviors that work against your fears coming true. For example, you may be anxious about the decline of your health as you age. You can channel this anxiety into making healthier choices in the present, such as eating healthy foods and exercising.) Finally, the authors recommend holding yourself accountable as a means of avoiding Gap-thinking. To get yourself out of Gap-thinking, you must first be self-aware enough to realize that you are there in the first place. Call yourself out as soon as you realize you’re falling into Gap-thinking. Don’t let yourself stay in this mindset for longer than five minutes. Once your time is up, spend the next few minutes mentally transforming the experience into a gain by contemplating what you’ve learned from it. Then, move on. Let’s say our starting point is 1 and our goal is 30, but we only get to 22,” Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy write in The Gap and The Gain: The High Achiever’s Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success.

If 3 months earlier, it pointed at 56 days. That means that within 3 months, your cycle time has gone down to less than a fourth of what it was originally. In that case, I’d say you’re doing fantastic. Write down three victories from that day in your journal. List the top three victories you will achieve the following day, a maximum of three. For the rest of your life, practice this every day. Being in the gap completely kills the reward of any positive experience you have or progress you make. Being in the gain not only makes you happier. It also makes you more resilient to challenges. It increases your health and longevity. Shortform note: Although the authors argue that Gap-thinking damages your well-being, other experts suggest that thinking about the gap between your current self and your ideal future self can motivate you to achieve your goals. Researchers recommend two strategies to ensure that this gap is motivating rather than discouraging. First, make sure your goals are realistic enough that you can achieve them. Second, consider the obstacles that prevent your future from becoming a reality. This will allow you to figure out ways to get around these obstacles.) But I would ask you this: When you focus on the 5 days you haven’t reached versus those 44 days of improvement you’ve achieved, how do you feel?

The idealized version of yourself that you use as a benchmark is rooted in the expectations of others. The authors argue that this deprives you of the agency necessary to push yourself by giving up any say in how you define your success. The authors argue, however, that when you adopt a Gain attitude, you are driven by your own internal incentives.

Ninety percent of this positive group survived to at least 85, compared to only a third of the nuns in the other group. Research in positive psychology strongly supports the link between practicing gratitude and increased well-being. Journaling is the most popular and straightforward method. Studies suggest that keeping a gratitude journal provides a broad range of benefits, including better job performance and improved sleep. By saying happiness is something we’re pursuing, the direct implication is that we don’t have it now because we don’t pursue something we already have. Pursuing keeps happiness “always up ahead” and “around the corner” even if we’ve already achieved something great. This is being in the GAP. If you frame an experience as a gap, you lose power and ownership over that experience. On the other hand, gain puts you in the driver’s seat of your own life. You chose to decide what the experience means to you. You can take it this way: you’re either winning or learning.Dan Sullivan, an entrepreneurial coach, provides several actionables he’s developed during his career to maintain a Gain-oriented mindset. While Sullivan provides these ideas, organizational psychologist and co-author Benjamin Hardy writes them into the book. Hardy also supplements Sullivan’s ideas with the psychological processes that explain how they operate. Defining Characteristics When you define success for yourself, regardless of what others think, you use an internal reference point. Because success and happiness are your primary points of reference, they are always present in the present moment. The past is nothing more than the meaning you ascribe to it. Being in the gap leads you to avoid your past and take ownership over your life. You don’t see any usefulness in certain experiences. You simply wish that they hadn’t happened. Instead of having obsessive passion, you should have a harmonious passion that is intrinsically motivated and healthy. Gap-thinking and Gain-thinking are two different ways to interpret your progress or achievements in life, assert the authors. Knowing this, what are some key attributes of these mental frameworks that help you distinguish and understand them? We’ll elaborate on what Gap-thinking and Gain-thinking are by discussing the direction of comparison and the source of motivation for each. Direction of Comparison

Once you are in the gap mindset, you are unstoppable. The more you’re in the gain, the less you compare and compete, or even care about what others think or feel. You move at your own pace. It changes how you approach your life. Write in your journal three wins from that day. Then, write down the three biggest wins you’ll get the next day. No more than three. There are two steps to overcoming trauma, say the authors. The first step is to organize your thoughts and feelings regarding the traumatic event (in other words, to understand the impact the event has had on you) by actively thinking about it instead of avoiding it. The second step is to transform your memory by thinking about the positive impact the event has had on your life. Think about what you learned from the experience and what about the event you’re grateful for. (For a more detailed explanation of this thought exercise, refer to Chapter 6 of the book for Dan Sullivan’s The Experience Transformer® activity.) Most people, especially highly ambitious people, are unhappy because of how they measure their progress. We all have an "ideal," a moving target that is always out of reach. When we measure ourselves against that ideal, we're in "the GAP." However, when we measure ourselves against our previous selves, we're in "the GAIN."

About this book

When Thomas Jefferson wrote the American Declaration of Independence in 1776, he decreed that all Americans have the right to “the pursuit of happiness.” Finally, the authors suggest using linked habits, which are another form of precautionary planning created by behavioral scientist BJ Fogg. These consist of adding new, healthy habits into your daily routine by placing them immediately after habits you already have. Planning ahead in this way will help you pull yourself out of the Gap mindset when you inevitably fall into it. The gap is a state of anxiety, frustration, and inadequacy. The gain is a state of gratitude, confidence, and accomplishment