I see the words "nice-guy" and it induces nausea and repulsion. Ok maybe not to that extent. But I definitely don't see "nice-guy" the same as I used to. Not at all. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the boldest, expressive, authentic version of you.

The author has the competence and also the experience to break down such a complex topic. He is diving deep, though subconscious limiting believes and brings to light the very deep motives that makes one believe something is deeply wrong with him and provide actionable steps out of it. I would have given this 3 stars and a more nuanced review but then I got to the part where he approaches a woman on her cell phone to ask her what she’s talking about. He did this as a dare/exercise in experiencing awkwardness. Honey, no. There are so many layers of why a man shouldn’t do this and it’s hard to imagine he’s not aware of them. Instead, his actions stated that his self-improvement was more important than her sense of safety. Context exists. You can choose to ignore it but that doesn’t make you bold and authentic; it makes you a bit of a jerk. Here’s the thing. You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. They’re not incompetent children. They’re adults who can handle their own feelings. They can work through disappointment, hurt, anger, sadness, and upset. In fact, doing so will make them stronger and healthier in the long run. You cannot stop others from feeling all discomfort, or all pain. It is an impossible task, a fool’s errand.” If you struggle with telling people no (I do sometimes), speaking your mind (I’ve never had this problem), or asking for things (this is a biggie for me), then you will like this book.There’s a solid takeaway here for people who take on too much responsibility for the feelings of others, but I wonder if the advice within is really all that healthy. It’s based on (lengthy) personal experiences and anecdotes. You certainly might still get a lot from the book just by asking yourself questions as you listen, but I have a genuine question: Is there a book that provides the same self-reflection without the cringe? I’d be interested in that book. The only way to become the assertive person that you want to be is by DOING it. Follow the steps. They are SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. But it really does get easier with time. In this great life, you’ll read good points that will help you in many areas of life. You’ll stop being Mr. Nice guy and start living the art of extraordinary confidence. The core mindset of assertiveness is: My needs matter and so do yours. Let’s have a clear discussion about what we both want to see, what might work best for us both. Sometimes I will choose what serves me, even if it upsets you. And sometimes you will do something for yourself, even if I don’t like it.

I eye-rolled at his stereotypical relationship advice about femininity and masculinity, where he advises the masculine partner to “take” and “own her.” His history in men’s groups really shines through and makes me cringe. And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that. A friend recommended this book to me and it was definitely a good one. For most of my life, I had been "conditioned" to be the "nice guy," always thinking it was better to just avoid conflicts whenever possible. After reading this book, my view of both myself and the world really changed. Rather than shy away from conflicts, we should embrace them. Rather than "cover up" how we're feeling, we should just let it out. We care way too much about what other people think of us. Honestly, it's more honest to be direct with your feelings; trying to cover up how you feel is manipulative. I have the right to say yes to having sex, to enjoy sex, and to pause during sex to have a conversation. I wanted to read a book that would help me relax a little bit better when I was tending to work I do for my businesses.I have the right to choose how much I want to see a friend or someone I’m dating, and end the relationship if it does not feel desirable to me. This book as made me incredibly assertive, REALLY spiked my confidence, lowered my anxiety, and even lessened my stuttering. And it goes away more and more every day. Create real, deep, and authentic connections with friends, colleagues, family, and anyone you'd like!

Book Genre: Health, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Psychology, Relationships, Self Help here's what this book is not: it isn't a miracle. it's not going to fix you or your life. it isn't an intellectual, research-filled data oriented book about psychology. it doesn't hold the secrets of the universe and it won't give you all the answers you're looking for. and it certainly isn't going to do all the work for you. If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say “no” to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness.

I’m not for everybody. That simple insight lead to a profound sense of relief. I no longer needed to convince every person who came across me or my message that I was a good, worthy person. Some people would love what I was doing, and some would not. That’s OK; I’m not for everybody. Just thinking it or saying it out loud makes me smile. Try saying it out loud right now: “I’m not for everybody.” Isn’t it a relief?" Are You Too Nice? If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say and “no and ” to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you. You’ll discover how to: = and u003e Easily say and “no and ” when you want to and need to. = and u003e Confidently and effectively ask for what you want. = and u003e Speak up more freely in all your relationships. = and u003e Eliminate feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry about what others will think. Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, and Feeling Guilty… And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Aziz Gazipura – eBook Details In the first chapter, he tells you that his goal is for you to eventually see the term "Nice guy" and think of that as a terrible disgusting thing that you would never ever want to be. His goal was definitely accomplished by the end of that book. I was the biggest nice-guy/push-over that I knew. Everywhere. Work, school, relationships, you name it. However, it served as a good reminder to review some things again with great points, but honestly, I stopped about 3/4 of the way through because I was just ready to be done with it.

All those hangouts we did not want to attend and the amount of things we say yes to but secretly feel resentful about are mere signs that we are NOT GENUINE with our true needs and wants. A good example is how kids just say what’s on their minds. They simply blurb stories mid way and start talking with enthusiasm about absolutely none-sense with no censorship nor concern about what you MIGHT think of them or their story! They just assume you will like it because they genuinely like it themselves. This was like WOW! I am personally a very empathic person and would usually care that other people are feeling great in my presence. However this resonated with me because people’s choices to feel good or bad is like I said A CHOICE, that I have nothing to do with. Not Nice by Dr Aziz Gazipura, has got a good point or two. But, the theory not holding up (according to me) in the end, kind of spoils the fun. If you want to be a person who is taken seriously and seen as a leader both in business and socially, you must learn how to communicate with a tone of certainty. The good news is it’s not that hard. You don’t have to become smarter, gain twenty years of experience, or achieve anything else first. You can just start doing it now. Speaking with certainty is just a pattern of voice tone and body language.I have the right to offer anything to anyone, any number of times (and they have the right to say no). I have the right to change my mind; I do not always need to be logical and consistent. It made me remember having a boyfriend in high school for a short period… who I never really liked. But because he was really nice and liked me, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by breaking up with him. (Yeah… that’s pretty bad.) What do I want? What don’t I want in this situation? What do I prefer? What sounds good to me? Asking these questions will help you become more aware and connected with yourself. This is essential because chronic indecisiveness is a result of being disconnected or alienated from your true self." I saw that clients who were trying the hardest to be nice people also felt the most anxious, guilty, and frustrated.”