It is possible that the youngster in the overly padded beefeater outfit was in fact making a desperate bid to escape his cruel Shanty Brunch-toting pay What would you rather find at the end of the universe: Candy Land or Pink, Purple, and Pinky-Purple Land? It is also, as Mark Kermode will attest in his anecdote about trying to learn it in a week, incredibly difficult to master even if you can already get some astonishing bluesy wails out of the Diatonic. I refuse to back down on this and what’s more frankly consider a lot of Van The Man’s output to be bafflingly overrated; compared to a lot of other cultier and more progressive acts of the time – and even some straight-up pop bands – it all feels a bit clinical and corporate. Not strangest as such, but well worth worth mentioning – I saw the Robert Pershing Wadlow statue from Record Breakers in ‘person’ once.

If you dropped your phone down the port-o-loo at Glastonbury on the third day, would you retrieve the phone? If you could have all your teeth replaced by psychic orbs that could tell you all future events by telepathy but would scream it a high-pitched volume every time you opened your mouth, would you go ahead with the teeth replacement operation? Stuck at a boring family party, on an awkward date, in a below-par job interview, or any number of other situations in which conversation has become more of a trickle than a flow. Artificial Intelligence: If a butterfly flaps its wings in a forest, and nobody is there to hear it, why did Richard Herring forget to bring his monocle when he recorded the 700th episode of RHLSTP ?If you had to be anally violated by a popular chocolate bar, if you had to, which chocolate bar would you choose to be inserted in your anus? This has been the subject of much physics-fuelled debate, but I remain convinced that the Camberwick Green Clown is actually turning that handle the wrong way. As a youngster I was made to go and see the Queen drive past after she opened the Liverpool International Garden Festival. If you had to invent a fifth season, which two other seasons would you put it in between, and what would happen in it? Even aside from the lack of colour photos, one of the reasons that it’s most difficult to tell what colour the Drahvins actually were is that only one episode of Galaxy 4 now exists, and even that only turned up in 2011.

Despite presumably only being broadcast once, the song seems to have indelibly imprinted itself onto the memory of anyone who saw it. If your genitals had to turn into a sea creature for one day every month, but you could choose the sea creature they turned into, what sea creature would you like that to be? This came up twice, and these were the answers on both respective occasions – a Lego Thanos and a cassette single copy of Bang by Blur. You can’t change your initial decision, even if in later years you start to resemble someone else or if you are much too old to be the person you chose. Which two different and incompatible animal species would you most like to interbreed in a cruel genetic experiment, and what kind of creature do you imagine this unholy union would create?

It makes absolute sense for women to check up as best they can on strange men they’ve met over the Internet before agreeing to meet them in person – and let’s be honest, I’m not difficult to find – but normally the introductory responses tend to be along the lines of ‘I saw something you did about Bagpuss – read the start of it, I quite liked that! If your current partner was going to leave you for a world-famous comedian, who would you most like it to be? Would you rather be imprisoned for a murder that you didn’t commit or for a murder that you did commit? As arguably most prominently heard on the Midnight Cowboy theme and Groovin’ With Mr Bloe, not to mention anything where Stevie Wonder steals the entire record by turning up and blowing a few bars, the Chromatic has a sliding bar that brings a couple of dozen further notes into play and is the one favoured by jazz musicians, soundtrack composers, and anyone wanting to get some real sonic harmonica power into what they are doing. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you tell me I should ask for a refund from the author of this book?

What was the worst thing that a relative bought you something for Christmas that wasn’t quite what you wanted but you had to pretend to like it anyway? The cult of Emergency Questions is larger than you might expect too; I’ve witnessed them used as tie-breakers in pub quizzes and have more than once been surprised by someone pulling that all too familiar book out on a date and asking me if I’ve ever seen a bigfoot (if you know me, you know my answer to that). Do you think it would be cheating if I had sex with you when you were being the robot in Passengers ? And I even rewatched Inhumans when I did a Marvel Cinematic Universe rewatch, and if you’ve heard this then you’ll know just how much I thought of that. Richard has been meaning to clean the drain outside his kitchen ever since he moved into his new house two years ago.Artificial Intelligence: If you were stuck in a lift with a sentient jar of pickles that claimed to be your long-lost brother, would you believe him? It’s easy to see why they might have felt like this, as I was at one of those shows and it really did feel like the beginning of something exciting. Our books regularly hit the bestseller lists, and we have powered countless authors to household-name status. Which celebrity do you think is the most likely to have a collection of the severed fingers of his or her victims made into a bizarre necklace that he or she wears when they’re away from the spotlight? At the time of writing – and this is just a handful of examples that I’ve noticed by chance and for different reasons – you can’t stream Absolute Beginners, the Marvel short A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Thor’s Hammer or Mike Westbrook’s Love Songs anywhere, but you can walk into HMV and walk out with all of them on physical media.

If you had to bum – either with your genitals or a dildo – one of the main characters in the TV show Red Dwarf , who would you bum and would you use your genitals or a dildo? You would have a special honey stomach and sick the honey up through your mouth, producing ten kilograms of honey per year, which you could eat or sell to unsuspecting members of the public. Incidentally, when was the last time you saw someone reading a Kindle, as opposed to a physical book, on public transport?Do you think it’s possible that we’re all robots that we are all robots and we don’t know we’re robots? You would have a lifetime’s worth of [ unclear ] celebrity hair growing on whatever part of the body it initially grew on, or nearest equivalent. Would you rather have the living face of your own twin, who you had mostly absorbed in utero staring out of your stomach, who would be able to think independently and talk and pass comment on what you were up to and chat with you when you’re lonely, or live on top of a pole in the desert for thirty years like Simeon Stylites?