It makes sense: For years, they were responsible for your well-being, and realizing they are no longer your decision maker can be difficult. The hope is that they'll hear this and grasp that they've been giving this advice without realizing how it sounded, Spiegel says. If the input feels like an insinuation of your incompetence, you could say, "It would mean a lot if you could let us know that you believe in us.

If you're dealing with, say, a grandpa who roughhouses too vigorously for your liking, Spiegel also advises disengagement, even if just temporarily. It can be a tough pill to swallow when you see other grandmas sitting front row at the dance recital, but you may need to shift your perspective.If they're getting one message from Mom and a different one from Grandma, it can be not just confusing but destabilizing.

And there are good reasons to do so: the support grandparents provide, both emotional and practical; the ways they connect you and your kids to your family's history; and the service you do your child by fostering a relationship with their grandparents. If you're trying to prove their count is off or that they don't get to dictate who you see, step back and let your emotional temperature decrease. Masked GILF It's Halloween night, and college students Brian, Chris and Justin want to get into a little trouble. Says an Omaha mom, "My mother-in-law sneered at our daughter's name because it was 'hard to pronounce.

When you're hit with a passive-aggressive jab, respond with, 'Can you clarify what you're trying to say?

My mother-in-law assumed it was that day because we were seeing my parents for the 'real' holiday—we weren't—and launched into an itemized list of 16-plus years' worth of times she felt we'd chosen my parents over her. Express your feelings without accusing: 'When you question how I do this, I feel frustrated' is more effective than 'Ugh, you're so out of touch. That's an extreme example; more common is a grandparent ensconced in a life of travel, socializing, and quiet time, who loves their grandkid but doesn't live to dote on them.D., a family systems–oriented therapist in Chicago, "Even when you're grown up, the same dynamics you've had with your parents all your life tend to continue. You might say,' Ava loves it when you visit, but I'm concerned about the wrestling, so I'd love it if you could leave that out. But when this masked GILF sees their trick, she decides they deserve a treat and opens her own robe, displaying heavy hangers and no clothing!