While Fern strives to make the book accessible to lay readers, this book presumes that the reader already has some sort of reflective practice in their life, or at least are not resistant to reflection. Fern invites you to reflect on your attachment styles and that of loved ones around you, and move towards secure attachment within yourself and with others for a fulfilling and thriving relationship. Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual nonmonogamy. Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how these emotional experiences influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. I whole-heartedly recommend this book to anyone interested in self-acceptance and self-mastery, as well as their own emotional well-being as they build loving, sustainable, healthy multiple relationships."—Kitty Chambliss,relationship coach and author of Jealousy Survival Guide: How to Feel Safe, Happy and Secure in an Open Relationship

As I’ve discovered, becoming the attachment figure for two women is an enormous responsibility, but there’s nothing unnatural or impossible about it. We can be the attachment figure for multiple children; we can have many best friends. We’re built for love—the problem is that we’re often afraid of love, because of the fears early experiences with love have instilled in us. Klesse, C. (2006). Polyamory and its ‘others’: Contesting the terms of non-monogamy. Sexualities, 9(5), 565–583. For people who are new to nonmonogamy, this may give some questions to chew on, and it may be helpful to get you more oriented in the world of nonmonogamy, but it's mostly for people who are well into it and working through more than one important, emotionally committed relationship.Bretherton, I. (1985). Attachment theory: Retrospect and prospect. In I. Bretherton & E. Waters (Eds.), Growing points of attachment theory and research. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 50(1–2, Serial No. 209), 3–35. Simon, E. P., & Baxter, L. A. (1993). Attachment-style differences in relationship maintenance strategies. Western Journal of Communication, 57(4), 416–430. Ein-Dor, T. (2014). Facing danger: How do people behave in times of need? The case of adult attachment styles. Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 1452.

For time immemorial, humans have connected deeply through singing with one another. We explore the science behind this, plus how group singing benefits other aspects of our health. Mitchell, M. E., Bartholomew, K., & Cobb, R. J. (2014). Need fulfillment in polyamorous relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 51(3), 329–339. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2012.742998 I also found her list of challenges that couples may face transitioning from monogamy to non-monogamy (from her clients’ lived experiences) really helpful: Moors, A. C., Conley, T. D., Edelstein, R. S., & Chopik, W. J. (2015). Attached to monogamy? Avoidance predicts willingness to engage (but not actual engagement) in consensual non-monogamy. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32(2), 222–240.In her book, Fern applies insights from decades of research testing the theory of attachment to people who are striving for secure relationships with more than one partner. Polysecure goes a long way toward clarifying what’s at stake in discussions like the one I had on that day: If it wasn’t secure attachment that we had, then what could we get from each other that would enrich both our lives? Main, M., & Solomon, J. (1990). Procedures for identifying infants as disorganized/disoriented during the Ainsworth Strange Situation. Attachment in the Preschool Years: Theory, Research, and Intervention, 1, 121–160. Naava Smolash, who sometimes writes under the pen name Nora Samaran, is the author of Turn This World Inside Out: The Emergence of Nurturance Culture (AK Press, 2019). alot of people in spaces I was moving thru seemed to be reading and raving about it, and I got abit wary (often my way when anything seems to have alot of hype)... Rubel, A. N., & Bogaert, A. F. (2015). Consensual nonmonogamy: Psychological well-being and relationship quality correlates. Journal of Sex Research, 52(9), 961–982.

All products are fully recyclable and as a responsible supplier we will discuss with you your design and as part of ourFraley, R. C. (2019). Attachment in adulthood: Recent developments, emerging debates, and future directions. Annual Review of Psychology, 70(1), 401–422.

I'm not saying attachment theory is 'the way', but (along with other approaches to conceptualising people's behaviours and needs within interpersonal relationships of any kind) I think it's an interesting way to look at things that can give insights, especially into how anothers reactions and/or responses might differ dramatically from your own. relying too much on the structure of the relationship to ensure and safeguard secure attachment instead of the quality of relating between partners to forge secure attachment. When we rely on the structure of our relationship, whether that is through being monogamous with someone or practicing hierarchical forms of CNM [consensual nonmonogamy], we run the risk of forgetting that secure attachment is an embodied expression built upon how we consistently respond and attune to each other, not something that gets created through structure and hierarchy. Secure attachment is created through the quality of experience we have with our partners, not through the notion or the fact of either being married or being a primary partner." There are books about polyamory, and books about attachment, and books about trauma, but as far as I know, this is the first to put them all together in one cohesive theory/work.Research reveals what makes work relationships strong and healthy—and the small actions you can take to deepen them.