He knows about the past she's forgotten and the memories that evade her... but some secrets are better left buried. My boobs are a problem in this dress.” I try to keep my voice low while still projecting it out of the dressing room. “I can’t wear a bra, and, Mari, you know how they don’t stay in one place without one. They keep moving around, and I’m worried someone’s going to see my…” I lower my voice to just above a whisper, “nipples.” I turn away and look at the water, not wanting her to see how that statement makes hope flutter in my heart. Despite all my efforts to change, I can’t seem to squash this wretched hope. Maybe things will change. Maybe he’s not attracted to me now because he’s never considered me. Maybe he’ll find out that he’s attracted to me after he touches me.

And it still was in many ways! The sexy times are top notch. Any time a man tells me “forgive me god” before banging the absolute shit out of their partner, I’m in. I also loved the family dynamics at play in both Brandon’s psyche and in Mariana’s world, and Mariana’s journey to be her full self around her family. And god help me if I didn’t GASP OUT LOUD at THAT MOMENT where Sofia shows up (you’ll see). She crosses her arms over her chest. “Well, you said you want to be adventurous, and Mari drives drunk all the time.”As someone who grew up in purity culture, Christian conservatism and who constantly questioned my faith growing up, I related a lot to Mariana. Pastor Brandon was caught between his growing lust for the daughter of his friend and his loyalty to the man who mentored him and led him to God. The divorce must be throwing me off-kilter. These old fantasies only seem to surface when I’m at my most vulnerable. No matter how much they might provide a balm to my shitty mood, I can’t indulge them. I’ll never have that part of her, and even if I could, I wouldn’t want it. What I have with her is already perfect as it is. Her question pulls me out of my daze. “No, sadly. But he did say he would think about it. He was definitely weirded out when I asked him, but I expected that.”

Because I’m living an incredibly passive life, and that has to stop, because it’s not really living.” Lü-st” certainly wasn’t an in-your-face taboo story that I usually read — it isn’t too heavy on the sch-m¡nks, but it is spicy, and I loved Brandon’s ability to be strong and gentle. He was the perfect fit for Mari. And then we’re planning on going out to the bars tomorrow night,” she says. “Can you come? I’m hoping if I get drunk, I’ll be able to loosen up enough to start flirting and maybe even make out with a guy.” It's time to move on and start living my life. This summer, I'm going to ask him to take my V-card with no strings attached. Cole’s moving home from college today. He might be driving into town at this very moment, and we’ll be closer than we’ve been in four years.

My Book Notes

I stare at her for a moment. “You know that none of this is a condemnation of how you live your life, right? But as we get closer, I realize Harry’s keeping a secret of his own, something related to the dark past that he’s trying to move on from, and when I find out, everything we’ve built could come crashing down. In conclusion, Mariana was a gem, strong and cheerful. She deserves the world! I liked the writing but I hated most characters. The blind and extreme devotion and peer pressure had me struggling. But once again I am biased. I lift my hand and run it through her long dark hair. “I’ll tell you every detail when I get home.” I want to protest, but I only nod. I know that she’s right, but it doesn’t stop this itching anxiety crawling over my skin. She may not find the right lawyer. The fact that she hasn’t even started looking for one attests to that, especially since she asked my dad for a divorce a week ago. She’s so vulnerable after years of having all of her basic needs taken care of by him. That’s probably why she stayed with him, even after years and years of heartache.