Saying no, and finding the joy in it, is a skill: You can’t change what you don’t know, and until you know your no, you can’t know your yes. NL: I’ve been a recovering people pleaser since 2005, but it took a few years into my journey before I fully registered that this is what I was doing. I often thought about that event and how much I needed to talk about our societal crisis of people-pleasing because it’s woven into everything. Follow author Natalie Lues six-step plan to find your no so you can create healthier boundaries and reconnect with your values and authentic self. This has left me constantly over-committed due to saying ‘yes’ to too many nights out because of FOMO (fear of missing out); yes to all work in case, being a freelancer, I don’t get any more; and yes to anyone who wants a favour, because I simply hate to offend.

Finance is provided by PayPal Credit (a trading name of PayPal UK Ltd, Whittaker House, Whittaker Avenue, Richmond-Upon-Thames, Surrey, United Kingdom, TW9 1EH).Viel zu oft kam ich mir ertappt vor, gleichzeitig aber auch immer mit einer Spur Erleichterung: "Ich bin nicht allein damit". A people pleaser, whether they’re aware of it or not, is nearly constantly grappling with low-level but nonetheless intense anxiety that’s so normalized that they use it as a trigger to say yes. More About Natalie: Natalie Lue used to have very low self-esteem, a litany of problems including bad boundaries, toxic relationships with emotionally unavailable and shady folk, and a crippling immune system disease, but this all changed in the summer of 2005.

Lo unico negativo es que lo sentui muy largo, al menos la primera mitad donde se explican los tipos de personas complacientes, muchas partes me parecieron innecesarias, pero aun asi es un libro que puedo llegar a recomendar a personas en especifico. Making up excuses about sick relatives or imaginary immovable appointments only creates a web of lies to negotiate. There may be certain people or situations where your patterning runs deeper, which is what we’ll explore next: identifying your people pleasing type.

The day I said ‘No’ to my dad walking me down the aisle at my wedding caused a nuclear explosion in my family. But doing so is worthwhile to get to the many nuggets of hard-won wisdom and solid advice found here. Prior to The Joy of Saying No, Lue self-published four books, including Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl and The No Contact Rule.

When you say no to being in one-sided and lopsided relationships, you say yes to loving yourself and prioritising mutually fulfilling relationships with love, care, trust and respect. As a recovering people pleaser who has recently embraced “no” as a complete sentence, this book had a lot of good reminders about people pleasing, setting boundaries and thinking about my bandwidth. CG: What are some common ways you hear people trying to say no but phrasing it in a people-pleasing way?Ze legt niet enkel uit hoe het please gedrag doorbroken kan worden, maar Natalie Lue duikt er dieper in en zoekt ook naar de achterliggende oorzaak van je gedrag. Deze hele simpele en heldere cover spreekt me erg aan en vind ik perfect afgestemd op het onderwerp van het boek. Use the broken record technique, repeating your refusal in exactly the same way until your boss accepts it. Peeps, don’t wait to be picked or for others to celebrate you, and please don’t burn yourself out trying to please others.

The Joy of Saying No is your ticket out of toxic patterns and into healthy relationships and experiences that foster more love, care, trust and respect. I’ve turned work down if it looks problematic or will be tough to squeeze in; I’ve consciously chosen to miss a party without giving into fears of becoming a social pariah; and I’ve issued a stubborn ‘no’ to my beloved family when they take me for granted. Something that became clear to me also, from reflecting on my own journey, was how saying no had liberated me and paved the way to more healing and joyful experiences. The more we wriggle out of the web, the freer we become – freer to live in alignment with what feels right and true for us.Going into a new semester, it made me think about how giving 100% can look different in different circumstances and that’s okay! I sometimes feel obligated to say yes all the time and the book gave me some strategies to help with that. Especially if you have issues with boundaries, enmeshment, and overbearing family members, I can see this book being very helpful for you! I didn’t think I fit in any of the categories she defined and didn’t feel like the plans she outlined really fit me.