I don't personally have any experience dealing with alcoholism or narcotic addiction of my own or a loved one, but I have struggled with other forms of addiction, obsession, and codependency. Reading this book was both eye-opening to understand some of my behaviour and thoughts better, and to see how it may very well have been impacting those close to me. It's helped me re-frame some things and also been very uplifting. Also extremely irksome was the very commonly American style of presumptuous Christian proselytising (that said, I do think this American habit/ tendency is declining over recent years as respect for the differing views of others has grown, so perhaps, in this case, it is also a mark of an earlier era as the book was written in the '80s). I have been more involved with Buddhist practice and philosophy in my life, though I only really got into that when I found a Teacher who was as equally interested and engaged as I was with recognising what all Faith systems share. I was already in love with Hildegard von Bingen, and rather fond of St Claire and St Francis (I spent some time visiting a rural nunnery built alongside a monastery dedicated to these two). I have long loved mystical and contemplative Christian work. I have loved reading Matthew Fox and Thomas Merton, among others. Some of my role models are priests and nuns whose Christianity informs their social care work. I have my own relationship with God. And my God is NOT the God Melody Beattie frequently describes. And the issue here is not that I care about Melody Beattie's God specifically, but that a relationship with God - including not having such a relationship - is deeply personal and that I feel her manner of speaking about HER God is incredibly presumptuous (I've used that word a lot in this review, haven't I) and therefore disrespectful and inappropriate. Melody argues that codependents are not even aware that the atmosphere surrounding them radiates their addiction.

Although some things appear not to have changed, things are constantly changing. Our consciousness, as individuals and as a society, has been raised. We've realized that women have souls, and men have feelings. When we attempt to control people and things that we have no business controlling, we are controlled. We forfeit our power to think, feel, and act in accordance with our best interests. Never forget that alcoholics and other troubled persons are expert controllers. We have met our match when we attempt to control them. we lose the battles, We lose the wars. We lose our selves---our lives. You didn't cause it; you can't control it; and you can't cure it. p 80 I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity and dignity. Chapter 2: Detaching from the problem person in your life can give you clarity about your own needs.There's also an app based on another book by the author, The Language of Letting Go, that offers daily thoughts to meditate on (my therapist recommended that for me, too). I've really loved that because, unlike a book, which I read and then put aside, the app brings up one small idea for me every day. I have preferred Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction for better coverage of this topic. I'm also keen to read Leslie Irvine's Codependent Forevermore, which is an even-handed critique of CoDA and the recovery moment in general. I've met many of you in my travels across the country. Some of you have written to me. Thank you for the love, support, and compassion you've shown me not only over the years, but throughout the rough, raw months of 1991 after Shane's death.

Relieved to end the daily batterings but fearing reprisal, the woman looked up at the guru. To her surprise, the guru smiled. " Congragulations." he said, " you have graduated ". You know now everything you need to know." Kad čia pat knyga kalba apie tai, kas nėra rūpestis savimi ir kaltės atsikratymas - piktybinis kito neišgirdimas ar elgesys, kai žinai, kad kenki kitam, nėra "savo poreikių tenkinimas", abejingumas ir pasyvi agresija nėra "rūpestis savimi" ar "savo ribų brėžimas". Detaching does not mean we don’t care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy.” One of the core principles of 12 step programs, being surrendering to a higher power and relinquishing control, directly contradicts most of the other suggestions thereafter. While I do believe that having a belief system of some sort is comforting and helpful during any recovery process, to say it’s all that is necessary and then follow it up with more steps “that must be worked” is nonsensical.

I still struggle with feeling feelings and trusting my process, my path, and my Higher Power. I still feel afraid at times. Sometimes I forget and try to control everything. I may become obsessive, unless I catch myself. For each of us, there comes a time to let go. You will know when that time has come. when you have done all that you can do, it is time to detach. Deal with your feelings. Face your fears about losing control. Gain control of yourself and your responsibilities. Free others to be who they are. In so doing, you will set yourself free. p 82 Don't let my three-star rating fool you. I have my reasons for giving it a middle-of-the-road rating that are completely my own, which I will get into, but that does not discount the fact that this workbook will give anyone reading it a good dose of self-love and stable steps to guide you through almost any obstacle. Melody Beattie is an American author of self-help books on codependency and a household name in addiction and recovery circles. She endured a difficult period in her adolescence, fighting aga... Besides the poor writing style, this book is meaningless. If you are human you are codependent. Period!