The residents of the street have no choice but to participate in a training exercise to see how the police would cope in the event of a bomb scare; they are evacuated to the community centre, assured it’s merely a dummy run even though Hilda is convinced it’s a cover for a real bomb planted by ‘Barbara Meinhof’. Elsie is recovering from her accident in hospital when Alan visits to take advantage of her dazed condition; she agrees to have him back on a trial basis. Gail and Tricia visit Albert Tatlock in the hope of scrounging a few quid, but find themselves subjected to a unique form of torture as the old git bores them rigid with tales of all the battles he’s taken part in. Eddie Yeats hires an Alsatian as a guard-dog for his intended security business; the lack of interest prompts him to nick some copper from Len’s yard and leads Stan and Albert to plan hiding in the Rovers’ cellar overnight, both actions proving Eddie’s services are needed. The Rovers’ band play together for the first time - Billy and Ken on horns, Alan on guitar and Ernie on piano; they have a crack at ‘Theme One’, though Ena Sharples isn’t impressed.

Any similarities to other television soap operas produced by Granada for the ITV network were purely deliberate. Alf’s constipation threatens to scupper his spanking sessions with Maggie until he solves the problem and proposes ‘expanding the repertoire’. I am from the same location and background and using and hearing adult language every other word is as natural as breathing.He went on to underline the ludicrousness of this farcical copyright circus by playing a few bars of the piano intro to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ in the wrong key ala Les Dawson simply because he couldn’t even play the proper bloody melody himself without being slapped by a strike, let alone using the actual Queen recording on the video. Jerry is out of his depth as he takes Mavis for a meal at a swanky Italian restaurant, declaring he’s far happier eating beans-on-toast in his socks, vest and underpants in front of the telly. The thought of adopting a new identity and sneaking back on there is not one I relish, for nothing will have changed; I’d only be confronted by the same bullshit that provoked my two-year exodus in 2019.

With Albert and Stan hiding down in the Rovers’ cellar, hoping to spend the night drinking Annie’s barrels dry, Hilda assumes her husband’s failure to come home implies he’s with his fancy piece on Inkerman Street; Hilda makes a fool of herself as she storms off to the address. Ernie and Emily now resort to asking their friends for financial donations to pay for Ernie’s impotence operation, which proves to be another disaster - and Deirdre tells Blanche she’s decided not to turn their home into a brothel after all. The women nominate Maggie as the bride for this year’s Weatherfield Wedding, an annual mock marriage ceremony staged as an excuse for a communal piss-up in fancy hats.The only feasible way round this I can see at the moment is to utilise the platforms I still have – Vimeo and Patreon.

I've only watched three episodes (so far) the two pilots and the Christmas episode, but what I like best is as has been noted, the realistic language. Described by the Guardian TV critic Digby Smugg as ‘The Archers directed by Derek and Clive’, ‘Buggernation Street’ featured the everyday stories of decadent folk living on a terraced street in the fictional Lancashire town of Weatherfield.Rita makes her debut at a new nightclub by performing a moving rendition of ‘My Ding-a-Ling’, though makes it clear to Pink Floyd-loving Ken that she doesn’t do requests. Ray finally starts work on Irma’s room, though the impending redecoration of the Rovers by the firm serves as a distraction - as does the discovery of a vintage bottle of absinthe sampled by Len, Langton, Jerry, Eddie and Alf.