We might be tempted to ask others what they would do if they were in our situation, or what they think we should do. But ultimately, it’s a decision only we can make for ourselves. New Zealand single certifications – The Clash – Should I Stay or Should I Go". Recorded Music NZ . Retrieved 13 November 2019. An informative and necessary read.”—Susan Weitzman, PhD, author of Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages From the Publisher This is not necessarily dependent of lifetime or age: If we’ve been in a relationship with someone who was always late or never maintained their promises, we might long for a relationship with someone punctual and reliable. If we’ve worked in a closely regulated job with a controlling boss, we might have a desire to experience a next job in a role with more autonomy, freedom or decision power. If we’ve had an experience with a very tight-knit, closed group, we might want to try a more open one with looser ties. Top 10 Sales in Europe" (PDF). Music & Media. Vol.8, no.19. 11 May 1991. p.19 . Retrieved 13 July 2020.

knjiga koju sam pročitala u 2020. godini je "Ostati ili otići?" ("Should I stay or should I go?") koju je napisala kolegica Ramani Durvasula, klinički psiholog i profesorica psihologije na Državnom univerzitetu u Kaliforniji. Ovo je knjiga koja na pristupačan i konkretan način objašnjava narcistički poremećaj ličnosti koji, nažalost, u modernom društvu ima savršene uslove za razvoj, a međuljudske veze i odnosi, te fizičko i mentalno zdravlje osoba koje su s njima i oko njih - predstavljaju tek kolateralnu štetu. Naslov je zaista primamljiv i zapet će za oko svakoj osobi koja razmišlja da napusti partnera ili posao, ili da se odseli... U prvim poglavljima su detaljno opisane stavke sa ček liste na kojoj možete procijeniti da li trpite jer ste u vezi sa narcisom... Zatim su detaljno opisane razne situacije, iskustva ljudi koji su to prolazili, te njihovi savjeti, bilo da su odlučili da odu ili da ostanu. Autorka je dala detaljne upute šta možete da očekujete bilo koju od te dvije odluke da donesete, te kako da se pripremite i zaštitite jer svaka odluka nosi svoju težinu i za svaku je potrebna enormna snaga da se provede u djelo. I napomena da nam se isto može dogoditi i u porodici i radnom okruženju gdje je dovoljno da se pojavi samo jedna takva osoba da to destruktivno djeluje na čitav sistem u kojem se ona nalazi (porodica, komšiluk, radni kolektiv itd.) Osim toga, često iz djetinjstva nosimo obrasce koje ponavljamo u zrelom dobu pri izboru partnera, prijatelja i slično. Bilo je izuzetno zanimljivo, ali i teško čitati ovu knjigu jer sam, nažalost i sama u svim periodima života imala nesreću da budem okružena takvim ljudima od rane mladosti pa do današnjeg dana. Autorka je dala i objašnjenje zašto su takve osobe takve kakve jesu i pozvala nas na razumijevanje, ali istovremeno ne i na mazohističko praštanje, nego na oprost i nezaborav, da se pobrinemo za sebe i da na kraju, ma koju odluku donijeli, iz nas izađe nakupljena gorčina, a nastupi duševni mir. However, I do also think, because of the book isn't blatantly marketed as that, I think it sets up an unhealthy idea that if he's not abusing you, it means he's a good guy, your relationship is good, and that you should stay. You can be completely incompatible with someone who doesn't do anything "wrong." And I don't see any books that actually talk about that, so I'm a little disappointed this wasn't more like that. Gracyk, Theodore (2007). "Clearing Space for Aesthetic Value". Listening to Popular Music or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Led Zeppelin. Ann Arbor, Michigan: University of Michigan Press. p. 65. ISBN 978-0-472-06983-5. LCCN 2006032063.

8  What do you not want anymore? What do you need next?

It was not about that. Instead, it was strictly about abusive relationships and abusive male partners specifically. Which is very important to discuss! I just didn't expect it to be in this book. The synopsis doesn't really hint at that aspect. I'd say this is really helpful for dealing w/ 3 of the 4 types of narcissists and kinda helpful for the 4th kind, which is what's been called shy/introverted/vulnerable/covert narcissist. I was hoping it would have more info on that since my last relationship was w/ a vulnerable narcissist and I'm seeking more info on how to identify these types but from what I've read thus far, they are quite hard to spot until quite a bit later into the relationship as you keep observing the patterns of behavior. I did just reach out to the author though and she responded w/ a few other options for reading about these types of narcissists from the works of Dr. Elsa Ronningstam and also Dr. Craig Malkin, who wrote Rethinking Narcissism. That, in a nutshell, is the genesis of my new novel, Should We Stay Or Should We Go. A nurse and GP in the NHS, Kay and Cyril Wilkinson have treated numerous patients eroded by ageing’s remorseless decay. After Kay’s father finally dies in a state of ruinous dementia, the couple are determined to avoid the same grim fate. Having concluded, like Jolanta, that beyond the knell of about eight decades life is all downhill, they make a pact: once they’ve both crossed that threshold on Kay’s 80th birthday, they’ll kill themselves. They’re still in their early 50s, and this prospect seems a long way off. This works out well when we’re learning a new skill. Like driving a car, for example. In the beginning we’ll struggle performing and co-ordinating all the necessary movements or executing the manoeuvres. But the more we do them, the easier they become, until they are near-automatic. You’re encouraged to tally how many of the 30 traits your partner exhibits. According to Dr. Ramani, if you sum up 15 or more “yes” answers, your partner is likely “pathologically narcissistic.” If you answer “yes” to 20 or more, it’s most likely a guarantee you’re involved with a pathological narcissist.

But in Dr. Ramani’s assessment, she expands these key attributes of narcissism into a list of 30 characteristics based upon her own academic research and clinical observations. Some of her narcissism identifiers are rage, lying, infidelity, projection, gaslighting, poor boundaries, an inability to be alone, Schaedenfraude, seductiveness, impulsivity, and hypersensitivity. And that’s only some of them; there’s plenty more where they came from.The longing for a next and different experience – and we’re not talking about flippantly switching between one and the next for the sake of it – is a soul need. It shows that we’ve grown – and perhaps out-grown – our current situation. It indicates to us what we need next in our development as people, professionals and human beings. This kind of Should I stay or should I go? question is not only an iconic song by The Clash, but also one of the fundamental decisions we’re asked to make in life, again and again and again. Tolerance for the greater good That can be a tough decision to make. Because we don’t want to hurt and offend others. Because we don’t want to feel the pain of leaving and losing the good stuff our situation also gives us – or losing a situation which, if not ideal, is at least familiar, and face the scariness of the unknown What next? And we don’t want to feel our fear of not finding another work / partner / group to be part of, and ending up alone, isolated, unloved. Top 10 Sales in Europe" (PDF). Music & Media. Vol.8, no.19. 11 May 1991. p.19 . Retrieved 16 December 2018. PDF / EPUB File Name: Should_I_Stay_or_Should_I_Go__-_Ramani_Durvasula.pdf, Should_I_Stay_or_Should_I_Go__-_Ramani_Durvasula.epub

Perhaps what’s important to you in a relationship is loyalty, fun, emotional or physical closeness, respect… Perhaps in work, you really need to feel a sense of meaning, the right level of challenge, harmonious and stimulating working relationships, flexibility… Perhaps in a group, you want to feel included, share a sense of pursuing a cause, feel mutual support, have fun together… The main idea of the book, narcs won't change so you have to get on with the program, is reinforced in every chapter. It is harsh but that one simple sentence will change your perspective on your relationship and will save your life.

I bought this as a female in a 10-year relationship with a male who is a supremely wonderful human being. I am actually the one who has caused and continues to cause the vast majority of the troubles in our relationship. I can freely admit that, to him or anyone else, though actually modifying my behaviour and repairing the damage is another thing entirely... it's actually the sort of thing I would try to read a book about, to give me some advice, a book like this one perhaps? At last—the straight scoop on men who abuse women. This is a book not just for abused women and domestic violence professionals, but for everyone who wonders why there’s so much violence in America. Read it.”—Ann Jones, author of When Love Goes Wrongand Next Time, She’ll Be Dead She is the author of the modern relationship survival manual Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist (Post Hill Press) She is also the author of You Are WHY You Eat: Change Your Food Attitude, Change Your Life, as well as the author of numerous peer reviewed journal articles, book chapters an Dr. Ramani Durvasula is on a mission to demystify and dismantle the toxic influence of narcissism on all of our lives. Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Santa Monica and Sherman Oaks, CA and Professor of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, where she was named Outstanding Professor in 2012. She is also a Visiting Professor at the University of Johannesburg.

a b " The Irish Charts – Search Results – Should I Stay or Should I Go". Irish Singles Chart. Retrieved 15 July 2013.

Healing From Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through The Stages Of Recovery From Psychological Abuse (Shannon Thomas) Es uno de esos libros que pueden superar tus expectativas. Si esperas respuestas sobre tu relación actual, puede que te encuentres ante un espejo de tu propia alma, y termines descubriendo tus propios demonios. Es la belleza de este libro, te ayuda a conocerte a ti mismo. ¿Cómo? llegando hasta los más oscuros rincones de tu ser y revelando tu verdadera identidad - con sus luces y sombras - mediante la descripción detallada de los principales trastornos del comportamiento. Todos presentamos rasgos narcisistas en mayor o menor medida. Podrás descubrir algunos de los que quizás no eras consciente y que probablemente te perjudicaron en el pasado: ser descuidado, falto de energía, falta de firmeza, comunicación defectuosa, etc. So we stay – but the question keeps creeping up: Is it good for us to stay, or should we rather go? En este libro de la doctora Ramani Durvasula - reconocida especialista en narcisismo y con un interesante canal de Youtube - encontrarás, no sólo una guía sobre relaciones afectivas, sino además una descripción técnica de cada uno de los trastornos de la personalidad más comunes que podrías observar en tu pareja... y ¡en ti mismo! El libro analiza las fases de enamoramiento, convivencia y separación de una relación. Si detectas que algo no funciona en tu historia de amor, te ayuda a tomar una decisión - ¿sigo o no con mi pareja? El libro señala diferentes "banderas rojas", que nos alertarían de futuribles abusos por parte de nuestra pareja. Los posos del desamor son amargos, crean heridas y resultan difíciles de digerir, así que es mejor estar preparados. I personally think that this book would be of great help for men who are more open-minded and willing to look for specific guidance on empathizing with their partner's experience of the destruction or chaos that the men have introduced into their lives. But I understand why you shouldn't leap to sharing with your partners if you're at all concerned that the partner will try to manipulate or use that material against you. If you have a partner that is genuinely curious, it could be a great aid in validating the very feelings and concepts you're trying to explain to him. Unfortunately, the materials they have prepared for the partner is just not that developed and leaves the men without much explanation for why and how they should change what they're doing.