If you’ve been searching for some short funny stories for adults then here are five that will raise a smile, I’m sure. One universally loved story is by renowned writer O. Henry and called The Gift of the Magi. The story is about a young couple who sacrifice for each other to buy Christmas gifts. They end up exchanging gifts that are no longer usable because of the sacrifices they made to buy them. An updated version of this story called Sappy Modern Love Story is available as part of the 500 Ironic Stories collection.

From what I could tell when I came home afterward, there was a fermenting/rotting glass of our best liquor stash in my bedroom. He was thoughtful enough to not want to leave a water ring on our St. Vinnie's dresser, so he used a white silk shirt from my drawer as a coaster for their red whatever drink he had concocted. Mind you I paid extra attention to his table because he’s the owner. After telling him that he needed to be a little more patient because I was the only server and it was very busy he said that if he was a paying customer he’d make me pay for the meal and then said something like he couldn’t believe I could tie my shoes in the morning considering how bad I was at serving. I told him to fire me then and he balked. I worked there for another year without a word from him. 8. WTF is it with some customers?We became really close friends after that happened but it was surely weird. Both the bath tub full of fruit vomit juice and miticulously cleaning my flat the day after. I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.” – Gary Delaney Winning a basket auction that included a copy of The Beach Boy's album Pet Sounds and complaing because she "didn't want to hear a lot of mooing" Once again, you came up with some fantastic ideas on social media about What to Read After Horrid Henry.Here are some of the recommendations we received...

I am the first to admit, I’m not a pro at giving head but I try,” says Trisha. “One night, I was pleasuring my new boyfriend and I removed my mouth for a second to breathe when all of a sudden he ejaculated— right up my nose. It felt like I was drowning for a second and I began choking. He thought it was hysterical— I was mortified by the whole thing. I spent the next half hour blowing my nose.” Tell us about your embarrassing sex stories in the comments below! I'd also recommend Morris Gleitzman's Two Weeks with the Queen, about a young boy whose brother is seriously ill and writes to the Queen asking for her help. Poignant, funny, and profound.' Maybe like thirty minutes go by, and I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and it’s the woman all up in my personal space. She takes the biggest, slurpiesty, gulp of her glass of rose wine and goes, “MmmMMmmm. So good. Looks like you do have rose.” She gives me this disgustingly smug little smile and storms off. My poor bestie got in big trouble for embarrassing the hell out of her when she was trying so hard to get my father to choose her over the other woman. Her mother convinced my father to punish me for daring her daughter to do that, even though her daughter was the one who wanted this to happen.I looked at him with a grin. “Sure, I remember. A double screwdriver and a French Dip, right?” He looked at me, did a double-take when he saw who I was, then got up and left. My friend of 30 years saw no problem with any of this behavior, married her, and I've not heard from him in a year nor do I wish to. I saw him in the supermarket with his now pregnant wife - and slipped out. I assume at some point she will murder him. On The Big Fat Quiz of the Year] “I’ve answered at tedious length. ‘Tedious Length’ is also my porn name.” – David Mitchell More: Insane date story involving poop will make your bad dates seem amazing 4. An unfortunate accident Anyway, he invited them both to our house that night and they both brought their kids, who were all around my age. There were 6 of us kids in all.

In a panic, I threw a blanket — or something — over my girlfriend, grabbed my pants and tried to pull them on as I headed for the door to keep it from opening. I got to the door with my pants just above my knees when the door opened,” he recalls. “Standing in the hall was this sweet young freshman girl with her parents bringing her to her new dorm room! The looks on their faces were priceless. I asked them to give us a few minutes — I mean, what choice did they have?” 3. Whipped cream surprise My cousin. All through public school, she was a snob who looked down on everyone. She was super stylish and struggled academically. Also he had the funniest reason to need to crash. Dude lived on a sailboat, but somebody stole his rowboat that day, so how could I say no to "I'm too drunk to swim home."

They say one in ten people want a sex toy for Christmas, and that’s a lie, isn’t it? You open presents in front of your family! Who’s there going, ‘What have you got, Nan? A b**t plug? Same here!” – Russell Howard If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off? TL; DR: Hope you enjoyed your French Dip with secret sauce. See you next Tuesday. 13. UGH. I can’t believe this lady… The only thing I can offer to put ladies at ease is that I am of no sexual threat whatsoever. I’m 42 years of age, I literally have to hit it with nettles. Sex with me these days is akin to thumbing marshmallows into the anus of a cat.” – Greg Davies Went to a Naturist Spa in Kentish Town and banged a 47 year old in a steam room. I’ve also been in a gangbang.’ The one who likes to share…

As I'm trying to mentally deal with the fact of counting all those coins, her friend, let's call her Betty, adds more Kool-Aid Jammers, which puts them beyond the limit. I apologise and explain to them our rule. They both start to LOSE their shit. While they're yelling at me, I call for my manager to come over. As I'm waiting for him, I'm still counting out Joan's change. I worked at a private club, once. One guy, in his mid-20s, came in with the rest of his family-about 10 people. Despite his young age, he was obviously taking up alcoholism as a hobby and he wasn’t a nice drunk, either. In fact, I’d waited on him previously, and he was a pretty insufferable piece of shit.

Pulling your leg

I was very confused and told her I would open the door and to make sure she was dressed. When I came she was blushed to the maximum sitting on the floor. The whole bath tub was full of liquid vomit thinned with water and tons of fruit swimming around. She went on about how she wasn't able to clean the mess up alone. Apparently she had been trying to shovel the whole tub full of vomit into the toilet using her hands the whole time. The s**t you do when drunk lol. The bath tub was clogged up with fruit so it didn't empty. Double Screwdriver did not say one word for the rest of the meal, and he did not take another bite of his sandwich. He just stared at it, horrified. He knew. There was nothing he could do to prove it or even make the accusation. But he knew. Wen I went around to offer boxes for leftovers, his dad wondered why he didn’t want one. “You sure?” “NO THANK YOU!” Lol.