The process included a one-on-one meeting with each new employee introducing the concepts and an accountability system that focused on results and minimized “people” problems. There is lots in this book about treating others as people, and of taking personal responsibility for the things that happen in your life. You might say that when we are self-deceived, we are trapped inside a box, the limits of which distort our world view so we see other people as objects of little importance. Understanding self-betrayal--and the self-misunderstanding that comes in its wake--enables the thoughtful observer to identify and overcome its damaging effects both individually and interpersonally. Self-deception—our tendency to see the world around us in a distorted way—is a common personal and organizational problem.

Instead of focusing on what others are doing wrong, try to think about what you can do right to help them.

The biggest take aways from this book, in my humble opinion, are that we often are at least part of the cause of the problems that we *blame* on others. I am still skeptical about author's approach to storytelling, however the material and ideas in this book are way too valuable to overlook, thus I give it 5 stars. This has all kinds of negative effects, harming our relationships, work attitude and ability to lead others. In many organizations, instead of focusing on results, people and departments are “in the box,” blaming and working against each other. The way you get into a box, or become trapped by self-deception, in the first place is by betraying yourself.

And it's like reading beautiful ideas of philosophy (rooted in Buber's concept of I and Thou) and then speaking them through corporate speech. You will still feel your partner’s needs are inferior to yours, which will result in mistreatment, leading to arguments again. My self-justifying image about being learned can be the very thing that sometimes keeps me from learning.It demonstrates the negative impact this self-deception has on our lives, but also shows a way out of this state, benefiting both our private and professional lives. An out-of-the-box view: On another trip, Bud and his wife were traveling together but couldn’t find adjoining empty seats. You can act very kindly toward someone, but still deep down feel that their needs are inferior to yours. As you can see, self-deception is like a virulent infection that is passed along to others through contact. In other words, you frequently deceive yourself into thinking that others don’t even really have needs at all.

I feel like there are some good concepts in here, and this would be a great read for someone who is low on emotional intelligence or empathy and needs to expand their worldview to learn how not to be a jerk in the workplace. Depending on how we choose, we either blind ourselves to reality and make our own and others’ lives worse or obtain a clarity that equips us to make everything better. He thinks he should've gotten from bed and calm down the child, but he didn't - hoping that his wife would do that. Sometimes we won’t be in a position to act, but when we don’t act for the right reasons and maintain our humane view of the person, we do not betray ourselves and invite self-deception. For example, when you blame your spouse for not caring enough about your wishes regarding your holiday destination, you need to find a justification for this view.

Our referral links allow us to earn commissions (at no extra cost to you) and keep the site running. If you’re a leader, you’ll create an atmosphere of responsibility where people focus more on getting work done instead of blaming others.

I would never in one thousand years have picked it up if my dearly beloved husband hadn't read it first and told me that it changed his life.

The latter part of the book, which guides us into Getting out of the Box and exercising leadership in the liberated box-free world, we share in our hero's confusion in how the usual remedies fail here.