What do you do if your wife suddenly starts smoking? Pull out, put a cold wet towel on her to give her a chance to cool down. A boy says to a girl, “So, sex at my place?” “Yeah!” “Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?” Later on, the girl is yelling, “Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!” The younger brother says, “Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!” They are really difficult to get going, they let off a nasty smell, and half of the time they don't even work. Definition of a psychiatrist - An expensive therapist that will provide you with answers which your wife will give you for free.

Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only f***ing yourself! I farted at work the other day and my coworker tried opening the window. It must have been a really bad one — we work on a submarine. Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.’” – Jimmy CarrRearrange these letters to form words. 1. PNEIS 2. BUTTSXE Did you get “SPINE” and “SUBTEXT”? Yeah… Neither did I. On The Big Fat Quiz of the Year] “I’ve answered at tedious length. ‘Tedious Length’ is also my porn name.” – David Mitchell

Are you trying to get your spouse’s attention? Or maybe they’ve been having a rough time, and you just want to make them laugh? If your partner shares your sense of humor, chances are that they will love hearing some hilariously flirty jokes from you.

What’s the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean. People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.” – Victoria Wood What’s the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? A husband will make efforts to look for a golf ball. Why is being in the military like a blow-job? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. Now, that we have entered adulthood, most of us have grown out of those cliché, childhood or teenage ‘clean jokes’ and hence we prefer funny adult jokes over them.

Why do b**bs and toys have so much in common? Both were originally intended for kids, but daddies end up playing with them instead. The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. Hilariously Inappropriate List of Dirty Jokes I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.” – Gary Delaney One day I asked my friend: “How is your girlfriend?” He replied: “She is very good.” I asked: “Did you already get a b**wjob from her?” He replied: “What kind of question is that?” I replied: “I’m just a curious kind of person. I can’t stop asking myself: ‘if Bobby breaks up with his girlfriend, should I ask her for a b**wjob?’ ” I really deeply wish that you are here with me in my room on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together to show you my glow in the dark watch.Another element that brings most couples together is humor. Who doesn’t want to sit on the couch with the love of their life, holding a glass of wine in one hand and laughing the evening away? How do you make fun of an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”

What is the similarity between procrastination and masturbation? It all feels great until you realize that you’re just screwing yourself. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. Congratulations! You’ve been voted “Most Beautiful Girl In This Room” and the grand prize is a night with me! It is inappropriate to have sex in an elevator. On a variety of levels. One of the instances of short inappropriate jokes that should be sent with caution. Your best friend is definitely a great choice for it.

The husband tells his wife, “I want to know when you have your next orgasm.” The wife replies, “I wouldn’t want to bother you while you’re in your office.” Every one of us has probably done something nasty at some point in our lives. Why not try some short naughty jokes? For example, what becomes wetter as things get raunchy? Steamboats. On the second day of fishing. Grandpa pulls out a cigarette and the conversation continues like this: I’m very old now and I’ve got a body like a dropped lasagne. Women now look at my naked body in the same fearful way that pensioners look at snow.” – Frankie Boyle (Photo: BBC) Ewwwwww!!! Nuff said. 15. Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? Pretty Nuts!