I also found it odd that Jensen included an Afterword focused on public scholarship or scholarly journalism. It was one of her more substantial chapters, longer than many of the chapters in the book. If this is so important to the book, why was it not in the body of the book? It was an odd writing choice which I can’t help but footnote under her credibility. No Matter What is by a long way the best account ever written of the experience of being an adoptive parent and carer of children traumatised by maltreatment. With heart-wrenching candour, it tells the story of a couple's journey through the pain of childlessness, the adoption process, and the lived experience of caring for Jaymey and Harlee whose early lives were 'almost unbearable to read about'. Sally Donovan evokes brilliantly the commitment, energy, therapeutic skill and humanity required to care for and heal children whose past abuse has left them distressed, feeling unworthy and acting out in often chaotic ways. This remarkable book is not only a major contribution to work on child welfare; such is the sheer power and brilliance of the writing that it triumphs as a work of literature, as art. Utterly compelling and humane, No Matter What is essential reading for all those who care for and about vulnerable children, adoption and fostering and who are open to being inspired by the healing power of love. Tal received his PhD in Organizational Behavior from Harvard University. His dissertation, completed in 2004, is titled "Restoring Self-Esteem's Self-Esteem: The Constructs of Dependent and Independent Competence and Worth." Additionally, he also holds a Bachelor of Arts (B.A.) from Harvard in Philosophy and Psychology. His undergraduate thesis, completed in 1996, is titled "Honesty Pays: Bridging the Gap Between Moral Theory and Practice." We see now that a crocodile has taken Small's place in the bathtub. Large extends a hand, holding out Small's toothbrush and toothpaste.

With growing academic responsibilities, family commitments, and inboxes, scholars are struggling to fulfill their writing goals. A finished book—or even steady journal articles—may seem like an impossible dream. But, as Joli Jensen proves, it really is possible to write happily and productively in academe. With great humility Sally shares her journey of courage, hope and persistence in boldly loving her children despite the odds, no matter what...Throughout the book I laughed and cried, experiencing the highs and lows of loving children who have lived the unthinkable. For too long adopters walked this journey very much alone. We must now accompany them on this journey, in our neighbourhoods, communities and cities, and within our education, social care and health services. Together we can make a difference; each life is precious, however fragile and different. No Matter What communicates this truth, and is an important contribution at this time of policy change. I implemented her three main points of advice immediately and for what it's worth, in the two weeks I've done that, it has really helped me to work more on a paper I would otherwise never have started already. The author did make a good point of creating a "reverse day planner" wherein you log what you are doing for every hour of the day after you do it, which allows you to better assess retroactively how efficiently you're using your time. I like the idea of this, but personally I find it quite hard to strictly schedule my time, because I prefer to go on outdoor runs, which are highly contingent on weather and my general level of busyness. That, plus other contingent/difficult to plan issues (how long will cooking take? will it just be reheating leftovers or making something brand new? what about going to the store?). When I try to plan I inevitably find too many floating items for it to really be helpful, so I just eventually give up and only schedule out the big things that don't change... which doesn't help me.With a title focused on writing, and a chapter devoted to 'Using tools that work', I was nevertheless a little bit disappointed with the actual writing (productivity) techniques. She touches upon the fundamental use of a 'project box', for example, but is at the same time very prescriptive (this is what you should do) and vague (I won't tell you exactly how to) in explaining how this works. Given that I already use some version of this project box (digitally, not materially), I have an idea about how this works in practice (and that it does!), but she gives very little information about how to use this core 'taming technique'. Honest, refreshing, heart-breaking, thought-provoking and inspiring - this is a valuable insight into adoption and the devastating effects of trauma. I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in personal growth and experiencing more wellbeing. As I was reading, I kept thinking of people I would love to gift a copy to. Sir Martin Narey, Government Advisor on Children's Social Care and Visiting Professor, Durham and Sheffield Hallam Universities I love how positive psychology expert Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar explains his reasoning for the title of this book. He claims that there is no such thing as happily ever after, but that we can continuously learn how to become happier, no matter what. His approach involves self-reflection and experimentation to improve our wellbeing in five areas: Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Relational, and Emotional. He refers to this approach as Climbing the SPIRE, which I think is a very helpful mnemonic.

Sigh. I didn't see this as a grief/death thing at all, instead I interpreted it as a "someone's moved away" scenario. I guess you could be very liberal with your interpretation and see this as dealing with grief/death, but it's not explicit enough for me and this does NOT count as a "help your child cope with grief" book for me at all. In the most modest, refreshing and unassuming way, Sally gives a voice to everyone struggling with infertility or learning to parent traumatised children. This book is a triumph in so many ways. No Matter What pulls no punches in describing Sally and Rob's moving journey of adopting two siblings and the challenges of parenting them in great detail. It is beautifully written with humour and understanding.The little fox in this book starts out feeling grumpy when her/his parent is on the phone, ignoring her/him, and this sets the stage for the little fox to ask for reassurance and to find out that she/he will be loved, no matter what. Gliori’s (The Snow Lambs, Pure Dead Magic) rhyming text is sweet and reassuring; the parent fox always has a loving, reassuring answer to give the child. The first two examples are easy to see why a child might feel they need reassurance that they’ll still be loved–feeling awful and/or acting out when feeling grumpy or angry (grim and grumpy, and grumpy and grizzly bear). The next two examples were not as immediately clear to me, and didn’t feel as strongly written. After some thought, I realized that “squishy bug” and the child worrying if they’ll still get a hug might mean if the child was feeling unlovable–but I wish that connection were stronger. Still, a child needing reassurance that they will still be loved is a universal need. Not a big fan of self-help book myself but this one is exceptional. Found out about Lisa from her powerful speeches available online and from thereon I knew she'd be my go-to reference in the subject of "dream big". Tl;dr - This book is very lauded. I thought it was pretty good, especially the little touches Gliori makes on the illustrations. However, for grief books I'd look elsewhere.

Write No Matter What draws on popular and scholarly insights into the writing process and stems from Jensen’s experience designing and directing a faculty writing program. With more than three decades as an academic writer, Jensen knows what really helps and hinders the scholarly writing process for scholars in the humanities, social sciences,and sciences. In 'Write No Matter What', Joli Jensen offers timeless advice for those suffering from the stress of academic writing. To bring writing struggles into the light, so that we may conquer them, we must first understand and dispel the common myths that stop one from making progress. It is therefore imperative that we first dispel with the poseur attitude and instead embrace a craftsperson like attitude, where we commit ourselves to becoming better over time. This involves an honest approach to one's work and to think of writing "as challenging craft, not as existential trauma". The section on the craftsperson attitude is very compelling. By adopting a craftsperson attitude to writing, compared to the obscure genius trope, we become more humble, we view oneself as an apprentice, and we exhaust and deflate the tedious drama that we sometimes spin inside our heads when we sit down to write. Lisa snapped out of her misery and decided to own her problems so she could do something about them. And she did. Normally, when this happens, the rest as they say becomes history and people go on to make it big in the area of motivational speaking and use their story as a reference point: throw in the sexual molestation she experienced at age five, and the picture is complete. This is the ordinary model and of course Lisa was also sexually molested when she was only five! Everyone should read this funny and deeply moving account of modern adoption: the highs, the lows, the risks and the rewards. Sally's writing is honest, insightful and beautiful to read. For those who already know the author through her adoption blog the brilliance of this book will come as no surprise... Sally Donovan seems to write as naturally as the rest of us breathe, with an eloquence and honesty that makes "No Matter What" totally absorbing. She has a fantastic story to tell that not only speaks to those who have their own adoption experiencer but to any reader who has an interest in rich, articulate personal stories and wants an insight into the life of a normal adoptive family... Much of what Sally writes will be all too familiar to other adoptive parents by the humanity, intelligence and humor of the writing captures the reality of adoptive family life in a truly enthralling way.

About Debi Gliori

For a long while I have said to myself, "one more source, just one more idea". The piled philosophy books, no end in sight to the beginnings of a new research path, just the fruitless attempt to perpetually capture the concepts of nature into little "word jars", as if they were fireflies. In America, not having a college education is a curse. One big curse that could not be fixed by attending some inferior programme at a community college, that serves, more or less as a half-way house to gangsterism, prison and sure death or some lay job with a welfare eventuality. Lisa’s lay job needed some heartless attitude – they were collecting money from defaulters, and Lisa was too sweet to her clients. That was bad for this business. Why do I find them the most useful? Probably the disillusionment. You can't expect to reach a specific magic point--getting published, finishing terminal degrees, getting tenure/becoming famous, etc. --and then all writing problems will automatically disappear. Such a destination point does not exist. That kind of false hope will eventually lead to a bigger disappointment. Sometimes, because (especially on social media, cough cough) everyone is displaying the shiny parts, the disappointment is faced inward, towards myself. "Well, they can make it. Everyone can make it. Which means I AM the problem." And it's very comforting to hear that from experts outside my field. Tal Ben-Shahar taught at Harvard, where his classes on Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership were among the most popular courses in the University's history. Today Tal teaches at the Interdisciplinary Center, Herzliya. I found this book almost unbearably moving and, ultimately, uniquely uplifting. I have never before read, in a single book, such a compelling portrait of the horrors of child neglect and its consequences, alongside a portrait of the historical inadequacies of adoption assessment and post adoption support. This is a staggeringly vivid account of a heroic struggle by heroic adopters to heal the deep scars of neglect and abuse. I cannot recommend it warmly enough.