The Preface in the original first hardcover edition which Dr. Thomas A. Harris personally signs is dated June 1968. There is no way the book could be published in 1967 if the Preface is dated 1968, Withdrawal, rituals, activities, and pastimes, keep people apart and stand in the way of an emotional connection (also read: turning towards based on Gottman’s research). Games make the relationship combative. Intimacy Is Only Possible With “I’m OK” In transactional analysis, as defined by Dr. Eric Berne – there are three observable ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child. With these ego states, one can simplify and understand interpersonal communication. According to Dr. Harris, most of us live out the Not OK feelings of a child, dependent upon OK Others (parents). This leads us to the position of I’m Not OK – You’re OK. But with an analysis of our personalities, Dr. Harris provides a framework with which to change our lives.

Central to most religious practices is a Child acceptance of authoritarian dogma as an act of faith, with limited, if not absent, involvement of the Adult. About the Author: Thomas Anthony Harris was an American psychiatrist. After receiving his M. D. from the Temple University School of Medicine, Harris joined the navy, to which he returned after he completed his residency and where he made a good career until he became Chief of the Psychiatry Branch of the Navy. He later opened his own psychiatric practice in Sacramento. Not only it expanded my understanding and my own research on human behavior, but it also helped me understand myself much better. Learning how our inner Child and Parent work is how we strengthen our Adult, our mind, how we get rid of games, and improve our relationshipsThe overall communication sounds adult, but secondary communication here is in the word hide, which comes from the parent. The third option (I’m not OK, you’re OK) may reflect how you are feeling as a new client – it describes a situation where you tend to feel that any person you meet is better than you, for some reason. You may be feeling sad, anxious, angry or scared, and you may assume that everybody you meet is not experiencing similar emotions – they are OK, you are not.

Games are a particular type of transaction that has two different characteristics: an ulterior motive and a payoff. As a book that helped me better understand the world, myself and actively helped shed some parental baggage and improve, well… I aam a bit of cheerleader. If the Child in the mother has a strong not ok position, and it is easily hooked by such life hitches, or obstacles, or disappointments as the obstinate behaviour of a small child who also has a not ok Child, the way is open for a take-over by the Child in the parent, which triggers a regressive sequence of events with more and more archaic circuits taking over in a screaming game of ‘Mine Is Better’ with mother winning the final round with ‘I Am Bigger’. The moment transaction analysis tried to shoehorn every behavior into its model, it became obvious that not everything fits into it. Transactional analysis defines four possible ‘existential positions’ that you might adopt in any relationship.

Since religious people have in the religious dogmas such a strong parent within them, they are often anxious in scorekeeping their behavior against the parent’s dogmas.

For example, it says that psychopaths develop from a position of “I’m OK, You’re Not OK” following battering. But that’s not true, psychopaths are born.I’m OK – You’re OK, along with Games People Play, continued to sell briskly throughout the 1970s, with each selling several million copies. Transactional Analysis continued to grow in popularity worldwide. But for the mainstream, readers began looking to alternative “self-help books.” Harris ultimately published a sequel called Staying OK but that never achieved the widespread sales or popularity as his original. Eric Berne and I’m OK – You’re OK The ‘games’ that people played were like worn-out loops of tape we inherited from childhood, yet continued to let roll. Though limiting and destructive, they were also a sort of comfort, absolving us of the need to really confront unresolved psychological issues. Berne’s brand of psychotherapy involved asking the client what he or she wanted ‘fixed’ and proceeding to fix it. There was no assumption of underlying malaise. This new approach was of course the essence of self-help. The boy might simply have problems that are not (necessarily) a consequence of “I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK” position. My friend, associate, and stimulant who opened my eyes and ears to the possibility (of I’m OK – You’re OK) with warm best wishes

It’s interesting to talk to clients about this – which position do they think fits them best? The second one describes a situation where a person is inclined to distrust, dislike or negatively judge people they meet, often with very little cause. It’s a superior life position that they are simply in the habit of choosing. That stems from internal confidence and a higher self-esteem that allows them to show their true selves. Review Harris began learning the theories of Transactional Analysis around 1960 directly from the creator of Transactional Analysis, Dr. Eric Berne MD. Harris observed the runaway success Dr. Berne achieved with Games People Play in 1964. Despite the numerous literary accomplishments of Games, Harris felt that he could simplify Berne’s theories even more and make them more accessible to a wider audience.When we have no idea about our inner Adult, Child, and Parent, the result is a “contaminated adult” and we often resort to substandard behavior that does nothing good for us and for the people around. When we look around us from an 'I'm OK, you're OK' position, we have a sense of possibility, of our power to create and to shape the world around us. We're filled with love and compassion and everything we create in the world is shaped by these feelings. We notice the flowers growing and their scent drifting on the wind. Of course, there are weeds in the garden, but they're also part of the garden; we understand that there will be difficulties along the way, but when there are problems to be faced, we're able to remain grounded and deal with them. We are robust and resilient; we can weather any storm. Thomas Harris explains that when transactions happen between the same modality -ie. parent to parent or child to child- they can go on indefinitely. Sexual intercourse without personal intimacy can only result in a loss of self-esteem. This is true also in marriage. Picture of the first Hardcover edition of I’m OK – You’re OK. This exact copy was given to Dr. Eric Berne from Dr. Thomas A. Harris. Note the peace sign in the P-A-C diagram, reflective of the times (1969)