One concept the author touched on that I'd never seen before, is our childhood attachment patterns might be MIXED. We might have had one parent/adult to whom we enjoyed a secure attachment, and another who was inconsistent, even abusive/traumatic. As this translates to polyamory, we might have one partner to whom we are securely attached, and another with whom our attachment is anxious, avoidant, or mixed, possibly because they push those same buttons. This was tremendously helpful for me. Kean, J. (2017). Relationship structure, relationship texture: Case studies non/monogamies research. Cultural Studies Review, 23(1), 18–35. The first third of this book covers attachment styles. The second third describes polyamory. The final third contains useful advice for people currently practicing polyamory.

Ten Brink, S., Coppens, V., Huys, W., & Morrens, M. (2021). The psychology of kink: A survey study into the relationships of trauma and attachment style with BDSM interests. Sexuality Research and Social Policy, 18(1), 1–12. I skipped the chapters on non-monogamy, not cos I think I haven't anything to learn, but based on my friends evaluation, a couple decades experience navigating non-monogamies, and my current priorities... Secure attachment is absolutely central to successful polyamorous relationships, and insecure attachment is at the core of the jealousy and other challenges in open relationships of all kinds. This book can help poly people, as well as clinicians, get to the heart of their struggles and pain. It can help them to take concrete steps to become more comfortable with their nonmonogamous relationships and trust their partner’s love and commitment. This is required reading for people in open relationships and should be used as a textbook for every therapist who works with people in polyamorous relationships."—Kathy Labriola,counselor, nurse, and author of The Polyamory Breakup Book

Naava Smolash, who sometimes writes under the pen name Nora Samaran, is the author of Turn This World Inside Out: The Emergence of Nurturance Culture (AK Press, 2019). Rubel, A. N., & Bogaert, A. F. (2015). Consensual nonmonogamy: Psychological well-being and relationship quality correlates. Journal of Sex Research, 52(9), 961–982. As polyamory continues to make its way into the mainstream, more and more people are exploring consensual nonmonogamy in the hope of experiencing more love, connection, sex, freedom and support. While for many, the move expands personal horizons, for others, the transition can be challenging, leaving them blindsided and overwhelmed. Beyond the initial transition to nonmonogamy, many struggle with the root issues beneath the symptoms of broken agreements, communication challenges, increased fighting and persistent jealousy.

Diamond, L. M. (2008). Sexual fluidity: Understanding women’s love and desire. Harvard University Press. As the title suggests, I read this book because I've been curious about non-monagamy and saw that Polysecure is meant to be relevant for all romantic / sexual relationships. And it is! In many ways it’s an advice and self-help type of book, but given from the experience of a practicing polyamorous therapist. This is my favorite kind of book. Not only does it dissect the intricacies of interpersonal dynamics into fun charts and lists, but it also provides a helpful how-to for applying this information in your actual relationships, and to every aspect of your own life. I’m suggesting it to all my therapist friends immediately!"—Tikva Wolf,creator of Kimchi Cuddles and author of It’s OK, Feelings, I Got You and Love, Retold.I'm not saying attachment theory is 'the way', but (along with other approaches to conceptualising people's behaviours and needs within interpersonal relationships of any kind) I think it's an interesting way to look at things that can give insights, especially into how anothers reactions and/or responses might differ dramatically from your own. In the third installment of Suzanne Collins's New York Times bestselling The Underland Chronicles, Gregor must stop a plague from spreading through the Underland. While there have been several landmark books on polyamory, such as The Ethical Slut and More Than Two, and while there have been books on using trauma and attachment theory to understand how to navigate a wide range of interpersonal relationships, including different types of monogamous relationships, there have not been books using trauma and attachment theory to navigate having multiple partners. Fern first starts by providing an overview of attachment theory and how trauma affects our relationships. She does a great job of conveying the science surrounding attachment theory while still making the content readable and relatable, such as by avoiding unnecessary jargon. I felt like I could see my own relational patterns reflected in her descriptions, and I think she writes so well about how our past experiences can influence us to pull away or grasp firmly onto people we have relationships with, without judging people for their trauma or their general relational tendencies. After describing attachment theory and how it relates to trauma, Fern writes about consensual nonmonogamy and how it relates to our attachment styles. I so enjoyed this section because I feel like Fern destigmatizes consensual nonmonogamy and writes about it in such a clear, accessible way. I feel like whether you are polyamorous, monogamous, neither or a combination of both, you could benefit from this book just to deepen your own understanding of how nonmonogamous relationships work, in particular if you are unfamiliar or still hold onto some stigma. Even though I identify as monogamous romantically (though idk if I’ll ever find a man I want to date, lol) I do have three closest friends I care about a lot, friends who I care about just as much as and probably more than I would any male romantic partner, and this book helped me reflect on my secure attachments with them as well as past attachments that were not as healthy.