The retort: That is exactly the same thing as helicopter parenting, and we all know that is bad for kids! You will also discover what blame culture is and how it relates to low self-esteem in children. Conversely, you will discover what success culture is and how to cultivate it. Discover the important steps you can take now to prevent destructive behaviors from becoming ingrained in your child. In reality, discipline is about connecting with your children in their time of need. We provide that support through our connection with them, that calms and steadies and regulates them – and then we give some teaching about what we hope will be able to change about that reaction the next time around. Not that we expect [that it] actually will change! So, I created my Facebook group Victorious Parenting and this resource to provide you with battle-tested strategies that will help you and your kids thrive.

I started to share this information with other parents and decided to reach out and help as many parents as I could.

About this book

Discover how to discipline successfully without losing control. Learn a natural way of encouraging good behavior that is both loving and effective. You deserve to feel empowered and confident in your parenting. Hi, I'm Arabella Hille, author of the best-selling, Ultimate Guide Parenting series and Founder of Victorious Parenting.

Disciplining Without Damage is not about trying to remain calm 24/7 or denying the range of emotions you experience. It's about moving towards positive leadership and gaining the right tools to become an empowered parent who is in control without being controlling. The retort: Kids need to know who is in charge – and like hell I’m gonna let them believe they are in charge. My kid is going to know who is boss. Period. Disciplining Without Damage is not about trying to remain calm 24/7, being soft, or striving for perfection. Instead, it's about moving towards positive leadership and gaining the right tools to become an empowered parent who is in control without being controlling.My practical results-driven programs have positively impacted the lives of over 70,000 caregivers globally, helping them to bring out the best in their children.

The reality: Parenting with compassion and kindness and in a way that is informed by the science of child development is not the same thing as “helicopter parenting.” Helicopter parenting – a very buzzy word in the parenting culture right now – is the kind of parenting style in which parents hover over their children, seeing to their every need and protecting them from all manner of hurts and disappointments. The concern seems to be that if you are doing this with your children, are you not doing your children a disservice and even robbing them of opportunities to develop confidence. The intrusiveness that comes with helicopter parenting is very unsettling for children. And typically, it is born of a parent’s fears and insecurities, which soon become the child’s own fears and insecurities. Do not mistake a parent’s insecure presence (the hoverer) with a parent’s compassionate care (the provider). The hoverer is worried, nervous, and uncertain, and prevents their child from ever having to come to terms with the things in life that simply cannot be. The provider is confident, all-knowing, and in charge, and supports the child in regulating around their upset in coming to terms with the things in life that cannot be. The hoverer’s actions are born of fear. The provider’s actions are born of confidence in knowing the needs of the child. my home life and to my classroom as a teacher. I developed my own methods and saw my child and students shine.My son once suffered from crippling low self-esteem. This was due to being bullied at school that resulted in an incident where he tried to take his own life. He was just 8 years old... The book isn't all bad. The emphasis on developing a trusting relationship with the child is, if not practical, at least encouraging. Early in the book she presents the idea that children don't know how to calm themselves down - those neural pathways haven't developed strongly yet. So having a parent guide them through that over and over helps those pathways develop until they are able to do it by themselves. I wish there had been more on this point. The reality: Compassionate responding and mindful parenting does not mean “Disneyland-party-time-no-rules-no-boundaries-no-expectations.” It just means the implementation of rules, boundaries and expectations with compassion. Hold the line. Of course hold the line. Children today are desperate for someone to be in charge. But for goodness sake be kind. See (2) above RE: brain development. And see (3) above RE: connection-based power. And then deal with this like the adult you are. Put the boundary in place. Regulate your child over any upset they might have as a result of that through kindness and compassion. Help your child get started on cleaning up the walls, support them in this work if they are little, or get it cleaned up yourself if they are too small yet to be part of this. And then move on. They didn’t color on your walls to spite you (unless you have created this kind of relationship with them – in which case, it is on you to fix that up like yesterday). They did it because it looked cool and their brain wasn’t able to hold onto “but maybe this was a bad idea” alongside “wow this looks super cool” and actually implement some impulse control around the wall-coloring. See (1) above regarding development of pre-frontal cortex. Are you tired of defiant behavior and the endless cycle of yelling and nagging? Parenting is challenging but doesn’t have to be with the right tools. Instead, discover a natural way of encouraging good behavior that is both loving and effective. You deserve to feel empowered, in control, and confident in your parenting.

The reality: Nope. I don’t. Although even in the area of industrial organizational psychology, the data is very clear that employees perform better and companies are more successful if the leadership culture is one of compassion alongside expectations and firmness. But remember, your child is not an adult. Your child is a child. With a child’s brain. And with all of the realities that come with an immature brain in terms of behavior and emotional regulation. See number (1) above and get on the program of growing them a brain that is going to help them sort out how to best conduct themselves in the workplace, and also, how to best manage their stress if they happen to have an asshole boss. These approaches] respond with something that either creates fear in them or isolates them. Because they're so desperate to have the connection restored, they will cease the behaviour. But it's a façade of control. Internally they're still quite unsettled and dysregulated. In the longer term, that can actually leave your child more prone to things like anxiety, depression and attention challenges.No more power struggles. Improve communication, connection and decrease defiance. Gain more positive energy to give to your child and the other loved ones in your life - including yourself. My major complaint - and it is major - is that TWICE in the book the author states that holding on to "a little" parental guilt is a good thing because this guilt will motivate you to push yourself to be the best parent you can be. Parenting is tough but with the right tools it doesn’t have to be. Discover a natural way of encouraging good behavior that is both loving and effective. You deserve to feel empowered, in control and confident in your parenting. Receive bonus resources and continued support from myself and my wonderful parenting community to maximize your success.