Sure I care but not that much. You are a big girl. If you know you need to do something and you chose not to that is your business. But you are on your own because I find all this confusing and you're just not worth the effort.” Then listen to me (because your wife/girlfriend may be too shy or embarrassed to say it again). This is NOT something that just came up She has probably had this need since childhood. Please trust your lover, if she says she wants to be spanked – SHE DOES! In talking to your boyfriend, you can always opt for the direct approach, which is to say something like "Hey boyfriend, I am curious about how it would feel to be spanked during sex. Are you comfortable trying that?" If he says yes, then you can proceed from there. If he says no, or otherwise indicates that he's not into the idea, then spanking will remain a fantasy only activity for the time being. One-third (37%) said they enjoyed feeling pain within their specified limits. “Bad pain—stubbing my toe. Good pain—my dom flogging me.” “I’ve always liked over-exercising because it hurts.” Spanking was a particular favorite. It can be easily regulated—a hand in an oven mitt, a bare hand, a flogger, or paddle. And spanking can easily combine intense sensation with submissiveness and role-playing—the naughty child, the disobedient student or employee.

No, for her the problem has always been understanding my need to connect with other hard-wired spankos. I've explained that not everything about spanking is sexual and that wanting to meet, talk to and even play with others doesn't reflect one whit on my love for her. But again, it's the unanswerable Why? question. Why isn't she enough? Why would I need to spank someone else, if I didn't want to sleep with that person? You could fill it out together, comparing answers as you go, or fill it out separately then compare your answers. Eventually, our therapist-patient relationship ended, too, when I realized Dr. B didn’t get it and likely never would. I’d gotten over my conflict, and there she was bringing it up again. I may be a submissive, but I wasn’t going to put up with my shrink’s judgment! Medical News Today has strict sourcing guidelines and draws only from peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. We avoid using tertiary references. We link primary sources — including studies, scientific references, and statistics — within each article and also list them in the resources section at the bottom of our articles. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy. In position, his questions force obedient answers from you. Punctuated by hard spanks, your admissions are deeply cathartic and hurt as much as his spanks.Players negotiate clear agreements about subs’ limits. In Fifty Shades of Grey, the dom, Christian Grey, presents his prospective sub, Anastasia Steele, with a lengthy contract proposal detailing how he’d like to play. They discuss each point. Steele accepts some, modifies others, and rejects several. Grey accepts her decisions and honors them by not delivering any sensations beyond her specified limits. Not all BDSMers employ written contracts, but all state their desires and negotiate their limits and how play unfolds. Consequently, BDSM play is erotic theater. All action is carefully scripted, in marked contrast to conventional (“vanilla”) sex, where many fall into bed with little, if any, negotiation of what’s about to occur. For many kinksters, BDSM feels intimate and powerful because of the negotiations and fantasy sharing it involves.

My parents, to this day, believe that nudity and humiliation were part of breaking my will of disobedience. To ask them, they'd do it all the same again. Let me clarify something: I'm not "into" spanking the way you might be "into" Celine Dion or “The Bourne Identity.” Spanking is a part of my psyche, an essential element of my sexuality. It's not like slavering over cheerleaders, or fantasizing about sex on the beach at sunset. When I was a kid I used to look up the word "spanking" in the dictionary, and I got a visceral thrill when I saw a spanking scene on “Little House on the Prairie” or “I Love Lucy.” https://journalofpositivesexuality.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Parallels-Between-BDSM-and-Extreme-Ritual-Sagarin-Lee-Klement.pdf De Neef., et al. (2019). Bondage-discipline, dominance-submission and sadomasochism (BDSM) from an integrative biopsychosocial perspective: A systematic review. Thanks to a certain recent hit book trilogy, there are many, many articles floating around about ways to add kink into your sex life. Many of these articles focus on making the experience "spicy" or "spontaneous," and less on telling you things like, "Do not hit your partner in the region above their butt because doing so could cause kidney damage." This results in articles that give incomplete or actually harmful advice.

Cassie's Life

But as long as you are aware of the risks, and have a consenting partner who also wants to try this with you, there is nothing wrong with wanting what it is you want from sex. So, how can you know which sources to trust? The best approach is to use the guidelines in the article below about finding safe, sound sex education to help you figure out who actually knows what they're talking about. That way, any remaining nerves you may have won't be made worse by the worry that you might get hurt in an unintentional and unfun way. I’m still coming to terms with my feminist beliefs, and how they interact with my desire for submissive sex, especially my spanking fetish. At this point in my life, at 25, I finally feel comfortable choosing to be submissive in a relationship with a man in the bedroom, as long as he is choosing to behave in a dominant way and he respects me outside of the bedroom. My love of a good spanking is not a conflict for me anymore. In fact, I respect myself more than I ever did for knowing exactly what pleases me and not being afraid to ask for it.

Reclaiming or relinquishing power through the act of spanking may help some people regain psychological control over past traumatic events. Her favourite implements include wooden jokari paddle,her hand,a slipper,a large ovel wood harbrush,bath brush,birch ,and a very thin whippy school cane.but her most favourite is actually the cane,which I have experienced on important discipline matters. And fully deserve,the strokes vary from 6 of the best but for more serious problems she administers a full 50 strokes tears flow sometimes and my bare bottom stings very much and throbbing,deep crimson,very,very sore indeed she often rubbs baby oil or cream to my tender cheeks during and after my spankings.Her methods are to administer a very authentic hard and long spankings just like my old headmaster administered I think he knew how much I wanted for him to bend me over his knee and administer a stinging Hi juliewr. I wrote in one of your other posts and was triggered by the story. I also read your story trying to protect your niece. I am not sure what could be useful to you at this time. To me it was useful to read your story. As always, trauma memories come to me as if they were made up, invented by my imagination. So, remembering what happened to me (spanking, forced sex, etc.) was "unhappy". All the Spankos I’ve interviewed since joining the scene tell similar stories. The first professional spanker I went to said he told his mother when he was around ten that he was going to spank his wife when he got married. Most, both spankers and spankees, had these feelings from an early age. Some were spanked as children, and some had never been spanked. What we all have in common is the deep desire and near craving for it. Mary, what woman would not want to be spanked, its a girl thing. I will have to admit the best spanking was not from a male, but a female. Spring break visiting my room mates mother, told the rules, spanking was mentioned. Well we broke the cardinal rule of coming home late, and added to the fact we had a little too much to drink. Her mother look when we got home, we knew we were in trouble, told to go to bed. Late the next morning, we slept until about eleven, standing in the kitchen, jammies and we scolded. Thinking that was all, the look on our faces when told take the jammies off, her voice was stern, we did as told. I watched as she gave her daughter a sound spanking and knew I was next. Over this woman's lap I squirmed, pleaded, and finally danced around the room afterwards. We were told to get cleaned up and dressed we both got in the shower, the cool water cooling are red bottoms. We rubbed another bottom and admired how red they were.So I am writing a letter to your men if they haven’t gotten it yet. Now I know we don’t live in a one size fits all world but from all I’ve felt and all I’ve read this will ring true for many of us. That diversity of sexual experience I mentioned also applies to how we categorize and describe our behaviors. Something that one person defines as super-taboo is totally unremarkable to someone else. You may find that spanking falls solidly within your definition of kinky (if that's even a word or frame you use), but that that you're not comfortable calling what you do BDSM. You may find that you're comfortable with the BDSM label, but that spanking doesn't match your definition of it. You may find that spanking falls into a separate category altogether, or no category at all. All of those outcomes are completely fine. What sensations feel sexual, and how we feel about them, are personal and variable. You get to name your desires in whatever way feels right to you and makes you the most comfortable. Our sexual lives and sexualities are totally DIY in this way. The tawse was the worst as it was delivered with the same force as the cane but only seemed to cause lingering pain in one place. This was a similar feeling to having fallen very heavily onto a garden gnome wearing a cone shaped hat. It maybe that only one corner of the tawse is ‘making an impression’ and that is what is producing a weird slightly ‘unpunished’ feeling as, apart from the one small area on my right bottom cheek, the rest of my bottom was pain free. Alright fellows – I’m talking to you! If your wife or girlfriend handed you this or directed you here she agrees with me. Listen please. She is serious. This is a very important part of her life. She loves you so much or she would never have shared her secret with you. If you love her enough to give it a try she will test you some to see if you will be consistent and take this seriously. It’s all part of the learning together. But it is worth it, I promise you – it’s worth it. If you decide that you do want to try spanking, then it's time for a discussion with your boyfriend. I know you're worried about embarrassing yourself, but if you want to explore your desires, you are going to have to talk to him. If it helps, know that sharing what our sexual desires are with a partner, even if they don't share them or want to try them, is one of the ways we develop and sustain intimacy in sexual relationships.