Go to school. Get a job. Get married. Buy a house. Have children. Have the same cookie-cutter life as all the Smiths and the Joneses. I tried, HARD, to fit into these moulds but always ended up sabotaging them or only being able to do them for a short time before the need to do something else took over. Regarding PDA children and teenagers: I know the bedtime battles that you have with them as they see an enforced bedtime as a HUGE demand. It gives you time to think of a way to reject the demand in a less abrupt manner, and it will remove the pressure of having to do it in person. He is so honest and I feel I have failed him these last two years, but we are going to find a way forward.

Find your tribe. If being autistic makes you feel like an alien on this planet then being PDA can sometimes make you feel like a space monster. We believe that PDA exists as a neurodivergent phenomenon, but not that it is exclusive to autistic people. We feel more research is needed to determine if PDA is a distinct condition or an interaction of co-occurring conditions.Around every corner is a demand waiting to thrust itself upon us. So how do we cope with all of these demands that can’t help themselves hammering down on us like we’re a nail that just won’t lay flat? A really salient example is a woman who was told by her boss (along with an entire workforce, so not just personally to her) to try and get bathroom trips in at a certain time (to reduce lines during breaks that prevented everyone from being able to go). The advice actually was just giving people permission to know they didn’t have to wait for break times to go to the restroom, but she wouldn’t do it. She kept developing UTIs and even had some accidents at work because she just couldn’t stand feeling like she had to use the restroom on a schedule. This was one of many examples that eventually led to losing a position at work. Harry, if you read this review, please know how much I truly appreciate your candid words and for not “binning” this book! The more demands are perceived or placed on you, the more you will be pushed towards meltdown – and no one wants that. Pushing yourself to meet demands in high stress times can cause burnout, and then you’ll get nothing done.

It is a liberating experience reading someone else’s words and finding them to resonate in your bones like they could be talking specifically about you. Try and schedule them to come out around the times when you have the most money in your account, such as right after paydays or benefits deposit. Just stopping everything and going with the flow of what your brain decides it wants to do can be powerful to reduce anxiety. It puts you right in the driving seat, which gives us PDAers all that lovely control that we thrive on. You have given me a great resource for overcoming my many “blah” days and for retuning my mindset when it strays into the mental brambles of imposter syndrome and self-distraction; reminding me that I too have something valuable to contribute to the lives of others, instead of sinking into the disillusionment that chains my mind and prevents me from following my passions. I have sat down to write this article over a dozen times, have had the words clearly in my head; but when I have found a quiet moment with my laptop, a wall drops down between what I want to do and actually being able to do it. I am an autistic with a PDA profile and sometimes the demand of doing even something that I really want to do is impossible.As a clinician who has worked with complex young people and adults with Autism throughout my working life, I was delighted to be asked to review this book. I read it in one sitting. It is the most articulate, honest, entertaining (and sometimes funny) book about PDA I have read. I would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to gain an insight into how this profile impacts upon individuals, their families and those who work with or are involved in their education. -- Dr Judy Eaton, Consultant Clinical Psychologist Reduce the pressure and, therefore, the demand to attend. If your friends know you and accept you for who you are, they will be fine with this.

I don't know what it will look like going forward as I have to find a way to keep providing a safe space for him while being able to work as well, but it has given me hope. The many essays I write on a subject spending hours in the making and crafting, only to to toss them in the trash. The main strategy, in my opinion, is to reduce as much anxiety as you can. Again, I know how easy that sounds and how difficult it is in practice, but read on.

But these things are awful for PDAers. By trying to enforce these things, all it does is cause them a great deal of anxiety, often leading to them lashing out or being in a great deal of distress. It also leads to a great deal of stress for you and the potential of being hurt when they do lash out. If they like being in the garden; cordon off a section of the garden that they can do what they like with (as long as it’s not very dangerous to themselves or others). DO NOT interfere with their section unless they have specifically asked you for help. Let them be in charge of what film is watched on movie night or what takeaway you are going to have for dinner. Sorry for the very long post, but every post I read is giving me hope after a very difficult and traumatising three years. And it calms my fears about my son just having violent tendencies. As well as confirms my feeling that he isn't a “naughty child” but rather he struggles. Also avoiding doing groceries to the point of bare cupboards, and mounting stress and terror over having to do it, but still feeling like I physically cant, even though my rational mind is begging me to go, that I have to do it – its not just about wanting to delay or avoid the awful sensory/bodily experience of leaving my house. Its still rational – as an autistic person, I shouldnt have to operate in the world like this, simple and necessary things shouldnt be like this – its wrong. Having a range of things that you can be in control of will help to keep your anxiety down, and you can go to these things and tinker when you feel a little anxious.

As a fellow Aspie with PDA, I relate so very well with many of Harry’s prospectives, which had me nodding in agreement and spontaneously laughing as I took in every word. Bless your heart for writing on this, it made me laugh. And if all fails — may I make a suggestion, it could be your 16th point. I wont be PDA about how right I* am on this point…but 16 should be “If all fails, start laughing uncontrollably and with a robust for the joy of it.” I listened so intently that I listened to the whole audiobook in two sessions; only stopping the first day (yesterday) when I could no longer ignore my earth suit’s nagging incessancy for basic needs.

It really feels like a big disrespect to people who identify with PDA that people call it rational because they do not experience it as rational and want to be understood. Much like with OCD, it can become a self-sabotaging act that really interferes with quality of life (which fits the definition of pathological). Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to go see that film you were planning on watching or another activity that you can’t get past the wall to do. Personally, I find it increasingly frustrating when I want to do something (like sitting and writing this article) but just CAN’T. But you’re right. There’s huge potential for autistic RATIONAL demand avoidance to be seen as a pathology people try to train out of them instead of understanding their sensory, social, and personal needs. It’s a complicated issue all around. When you are feeling very anxious or overwhelmed, remove all demands, or at least reduce them as much as you can.