Tried and tested approaches can help to smooth the way. Here are 10 useful tips from my experience as a psychotherapist and doctor, developed while working in some of the highest-stakes discussions – the tender conversations taking place as people face the end of life. These principles apply whether you are chatting in person, over the phone or during a video call. You can even use them in text message conversations. When it comes to listening, 'The Samaritans' could write a book about the subject. And along with Katie Colombus, this is exactly what the organisation has done here, in this super useful book on active listening full of tips and techniques. It will allow you to improve relationships with family, friends, and colleagues by developing your listening skill, resulting in more effective communication skills. Instead of dispensing advice, she advises to ask open-ended questions, such as, "Do you have any information about this situation? Have you ever dealt with a problem like that in the past? If a friend had a problem like this, what would you advise them to do? What worries you the most about the situation?" Help name someone's worst fear and give them space to hold it, she says. 4. Never use the phrase, "At least…" Powerful, humane and wise’ JULIA SAMUEL ‘Everyone should read it’ NIGELLA LAWSON ‘Beautiful ... This is a book for everyone. You feel held by it’ PHILIPPA PERRY Most of us have a conversation we’re avoiding. This is a wonderfully practical book, well laid out and easy to read. The language is familiar and conversational, and the illustrations are a nice touch.

Catholic Medical Quarterly Volume 72 (3) August 2022 Book Review Listen: How to find the words for tender conversations by Dr Kathryn Mannix In the end, human wellbeing is rooted in community and nurrtured by being listened to and understood." When you’re talking about emotional pain, you cannot do something that takes the person’s pain away,” states the therapist. “But you can be rough and uncaring and leave them there in their pain alone, or you can be open and caring and be their companion in their distress.” Telling stories can help us make sense of pain and trauma In ‘Listen: How to find the words for tender conversations’, Dr Kathryn Mannix suggests that while there is no single ‘right way’ to break unwelcome news, there are wrong ways, which are not just about the words we use. Instead of offering a script, Mannix uses stories – some from her own experiences, others fictional – to review and discuss some key principles and skills for those tasked with such difficult conversations. From the best-selling author of With the End in Mind , this is a book about the conversations that matter and how to have them better - more honestly, more confidently and without regret.

5. Use the power of silence

This wise, gentle and profound book will not only help us to keep walking. It will teach us how to dance. Powerful, humane and wise’ JULIA SAMUEL ‘Everyone should read it’ NIGELLA LAWSON ‘Beautiful … This is a book for everyone. You feel held by it’ PHILIPPA PERRY Most of us have a conversation we’re avoiding. There are moments when we must talk, listen and be there for one another. Why do we so often come away from those times feeling like we could have done more, or should have been braver in the face of discomfort? Why do we skirt the conversations that might matter most? From the bestselling author of With the End in Mind, this is a book about the conversations that matter and how to have them better - more honestly, more confidently and without regret.

By asking curious questions during tender conversations we can seek, explore and clarify information. While I am not a medic, I found this book very helpful for conversations in my own everyday life. It’s made me more mindful of the other person and how to listen better. I think this book really should be read by everyone. It requires courage to take the first step – ‘I have some very sad news’. This ensures that the person we are talking to understands we have something serious to say. It gives the person who we are talking to the opportunity to request the presence of another in advance of hearing the disturbing news. For me – well-known as a person of (inadvertently) little tact, but generally good intentions – it was extremely useful, and I hope I can put many of her suggestions into practice. In particular: This book is, in a way, a guide for everyday difficult conversations, but it has a very clinical approach. Mannix is a doctor, after all, and most of this book focuses on how to deal with illness and death, helping our family and friends when they're afraid as well as dealing with our own feelings.

When we engage in a tender conversation with somebody, we create a safe place for them to suffer: we don’t cause their suffering, but we can accompany and support them in it”.

Like her first book, Listen offers the reader insight and comfort and a useful tool in each individual’s attempt to be supportive when confronted with difficult conversations and situations. I heartily recommend it. From the bestselling author of With the End in Mind, this is a book about the conversations that matter and how to have them better – more honestly, more confidently and without regret. Actually, my contribution to them is my time, my listening, my kindness, my determination to not get in the way offering my own fixes that are not the right fixes for that person.” It’s OK to take comfort from talking to someone who has diedThis book equips you with exactly what it sets out to do in the title, and Kathryn Mannix's writing style is so warm and so nuanced that you feel listened to reading it. Listening is something I believe I'm good at - I've completed a basic counselling course, and still remember some of the basics. I like to try and pay attention when someone is talking, trying not to interrupt and to be active and ask questions. But after reading these books, I realise that listening skills are a tool that I need to continually sharpen, and I have a lot of learning to do, and definitely need to read a few more books on active listening. This book is far more of a "how to do it" book than the previous one. It was about the author's personal experiences dealing with the dying and the bereaved. This one is far wider ranging and covers a variety of topics and situations. There is more about the way to deal with issues - techniques, tips, ideas and the like. It is more of a handbook than a reading book in some senses. Stories from real life either the author's own, or those which have been passed on to her by other professionals, pepper this and many are extremely powerful. These are used as illustrations of "how to" (or how not to) deal with very challenging situations.