Controlling not good. Society focuses a lot of the permissive parents, there are more authoritarian, controlling parents. The overcontrolled child creates a double life, the one the parent sees and a secret one. While traditional parenting styles may protect kids from mistakes and getting hurt, these methods often fail to nurture the decision-making abilities of children. Instead, traditional approaches instill the fear of making mistakes in children so that they grow up to be insecure and always second-guessing their decisions. You’ll Feel Better About Parenting Your kid does something good, it's okay to encourage it, but somehow (and this is the hard part) make it clear that your love is in no way due to the thing they just did. Adopting this parenting style and approach means you’re open to talking things out with your children. Discuss why you disagree on something and remember to keep the conversation open and honest.

Book Review: Unconditional Parenting - Greater Good

Easier said than done; I get it. But you must make an effort if you want your children to behave naturally, be real at all times, and learn to make good decisions without someone imposing their opinions on them. What is it about “gentle” parenting types that makes them so obnoxious? Why does the phrase “unconditional parenting” make me want to hurl? Why do “lactivists” make me want to offer their children Dr. Pepper in a baby bottle? Bottom line: give up the need to be right all the time, especially when it comes to dealing with your kids. What to Expect From Unconditional Parenting The overall goal is to make children live more authentically and feel supported in their decisions as you become a better parent.One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. So as much as I agree with dear Alfie that children should always know they are loved, and that it is important to treat children with respect, to try to understand where they are coming from, that we, as parents need to reflect on what we are doing and why and how we can do it better, I just don't believe that rewards, limits or praise is always a bad thing, or that behaviorism got everything wrong (but neither did they get everything right), and that by setting boundaries or using exterior motivation techniques children will automatically end up question wether they are loved or not and with serious self esteem issues.

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn | Waterstones

So I’m supposed to not want to strangle the kindergartner who is taking my child’s food, peeing under the picnic table during lunch, screaming for his own way and generally making life miserable for everyone within a 5 mile radius? I’m supposed to keep arranging playdates with this mother who admits she “has no control” over her children? Sorry, Kohn. A little behaviorism would solve a lot of issues here. A good habit introduced into that kid’s repertoire would make the world a nicer place.But really I love baby slings! And nursing! Why do I want to run screaming when I meet up with some ardent proponents of things I more or less agree with??