She starts with a short introduction to how a human being's mind work, and then takes a reader to a number of pragmatic approaches through exercises that are designed to strength our capacity to recover from adversities. She clearly warns each reader that some of these approaches or exercises may work for some and may not work. It is similar to what is our perspective to the situation or adversity and the approach we take to overcome it. Being in my mid 20s sometimes made me realized that “I am not supposed to be treated this way” by my parents. It’s a fact that I find it hard to accept, since I have been seeing them as a perfect pair. I always believed that I should’ve been grateful for all the supports they have provided, and the endless love I never have to wonder. There have been too many titles where midway through, I thought to myself, "this is all common sense; I could've written this," but for this book, while an easy read, it put a number of psychological traits and practices into fresh perspectives. Many experiments have been done which illustrate that old people are generally more content than younger people. We are more content because as we begin to get closer to the end of our life, we don’t focus as much on the future as we do when we are young and have so much future ahead to think about. We live in the present and make the most out of every day, because we know those days are limited. This is a lesson for all of us, to live more in the present moment, rather than in what has already happened or has yet to happen. Buku ini terdiri dari 4 bab yang saling berhubungan: Self-Observation, Relationship, Stress, dan What's the Story. Dari masing-masing bab, pembaca diajak untuk "duduk" sejenak dengan dirinya sendiri. Maka dari itu, buku ini dimulai dengan pembahasan mengenai observasi mandiri terhadap diri kita. Yang apabila kita berhasil melakukan praktiknya (meskipun perlahan dan melalui tahapan), maka kita bisa mulai merawat hubungan kita dengan orang lain. Ujungnya, kita bisa menuturkan cerita yang optimis tentang diri kita sendiri. Tidak pesimis dan tidak menyalahkan lingkungan.

Jelas sekali yang dititikberatkan oleh Perry sepanjang buku ini adalah tentang bagaimana kita merawat hubungan dengan diri kita sendiri. Tips dan latihan yang diberikan juga mengenai memfokuskan pikiran tentang kita. Membatasi konsumsi berita dan mendorong diri untuk mencoba hal baru adalah salah dua dari saran yang diberikan Perry agar manusia bisa berfungsi maksimal meskipun keadaan sedang tidak baik-baik saja. I wanted to rate it highly but I just found it so dull. Is it the book I wish my parents had read? Probably but they wouldn’t have given a toss and would have considered it rubbish anyway. There was nothing groundbreaking. It was simply a reflection on conscious parenting. Meeting your kids, treating them with respect, compassionate and empathy. At times it felt very shaming and confronting - mainly because I know I didn’t meet my kids how I wish I had as a parent when the older two were toddlers. That is wholly a me problem, but I felt like I was falling asleep reading half of it, the rest of the time having to sit with feelings of failing. It did reassure the reader that it was NOT intended this way, and that there was almost always a chance of repair. I certainly feel, through engaging this style of parenting now as I’ve grown into myself, that I’ve repaired the parts I got wrong and I think the biggest part of that, which is alluded to in the book; is being accountable, aware and not trying to “win”. Includes some material adapted from the Ask Philippa columns in Observer Magazine. Read more Details Life bible incoming: Philippa Perry’s sage (and witty) advice will have you re-evaluating all the relationships in your life' STYLIST Conscious, curious and in good company seem to be the keys to a sane and probably happy life, but I want to focus more on the last chapter of the book which is called What’s the story? and is concerned with the patterns we have adopted to deal with different situations, the filters through which we look at the world. Sometimes those patterns serve us well, sometimes they lead us to a self-defeating behavior. We can brake those patterns when they don’t work in our best interest and edit our story. When thinking about this, a scene came into my mind – one of the most impressive scenes from an overall impressive movie – The Great Beauty. Rome’s intellectuals are sitting drinking on a rooftop discussing art and life. A beautiful mature woman is telling the story of her success. The main character Jeb is irritated by her arrogance and decides to put her down in front of their friends. He tells the same story, but it is glamorous no more. “Stefania, mother and woman, you’re 53 with a life in tatters like the rest of us. Instead of acting superior and treating us with contempt, you should look at us with affection. We’re all on the brink of despair. All we can do is look each other in the face, keep each other company, joke a little. Don’t you agree?"However, I will admit that I couldn't shake off the knowledge of who the author is married to while reading the book. That biographical fact was introduced in first lines of the book, probably as a selling point, but in my opinion, it did a disservice to authors own standing as a talented independent writer with her own thoughts and knowledge to share. Also, I add, I’ve figured out why he habitually takes five million years to eat his dinner, and instead creates epic sagas using forks and pepper pots. It’s because, thanks to work and childcare, dinner is the only time we spend together as a family on weekdays. 'We’re all bad parents. It’s not the mistakes that matter so much as putting them right' This probably means paying as much attention to scheduling fun as we do to scheduling our work. As the great violinist and conductor Yehudi Menuhin said: “Anything that one wants to do really, and one loves doing, one must do every day. It should be as easy to the artist and as natural as flying is to a bird. And you can’t imagine a bird saying, ‘Well, I’m tired today, I’m not going to fly.’” We used to have a phrase in my psychotherapy training, which is: “If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you’re pissing on the present.” Of course, one size doesn’t fit all. If we never did any planning at all, we wouldn’t be organised enough to go grocery shopping and we would never have anything in the fridge to eat. It’s good that we force ourselves to do homework with willpower when we are students, so that we can have a better lifestyle in the future. But I think it’s important to get out of the habit of always planning and worrying about the future and, instead, see that enjoying the present day can be a route to contentment. There is a final part to the book which suggests a series of exercises, ranging from mindful breathing and meditation, to chart making. The author has also included the titles of several books for further reading on this subject

Many of us work hard at being seen to be doing the right thing – doing things for our CV rather than for satisfaction in the present. If we are in the position where we can choose what sort of work we are going to do, it is important that we like how we feel when we involve ourselves in the work. That, I think, is more significant than merely liking the idea of the work. It should be satisfying not merely because it looks good to you and others, but because it feels good, too. agony aunt, и бях впечатлена от размислите й за отношенията родители-деца, от цветните рамки на очилата й и от цялостната й персона. Българското издание на книгата й е добра новина за родния читател. When I try to discuss it with my dad, he says he would be “disappointed because I like telling people you are a teacher”. I have asked my own children about what they would like to do when they are grown-up and maybe I’ve unintentionally shown more approval when they lean towards something professional, but I now realise that all I want is for them to be happy. So, how do I find the courage to just be me, without a label? And how do I instil this in my daughters?

I just didn’t think it was for me at all. Great advice I agree with as a parent trying to break a toxic cycle, but presented in very dull and monotonous format that just felt like reading psychology papers. I also think some of it felt a little out of touch in places - suggesting family could pay rent for you to be present with your child? Asking you to spend a weekend in a hotel with your child one to one? I appreciate the context in which this was suggested, but it felt like it came from a place of privilege and would perhaps feel out of reach for a lot of people. This has genuinely had such a positive impact on my life and my relationship with my daughter' Josh Widdicombe Earlier, Perry recounts discovering Flo, then a pre-schooler, admonishing her teddy bear over and over. It turned out a boy had pushed her over at nursery, and a teacher had advised her to say: “No, stop it. I don’t like that,” so Flo was practising on her toy. A few concepts were clearly explained at the beginning; other than that, the book wasn't all that helpful with preserving one's sanity. The author seemed more focused on self-observation and self-awareness ― I fail to see how that helps you stay sane.

Sepanjang membaca buku ini, aku merasa adanya kedekatan topik dengan apa yang dibahas oleh Guy Winch dalam How to Fix A Broken Heart. Kacamata keilmuan adalah pisau bedahnya namun dibahasakan dengan minimalis tanpa membuat pembaca bingung dengan istilah teknis. I like how Philippa talks about self-reflection and self-awareness and the constant struggle to be a better person, not always for others but for yourself. Children are not problems to be fixed’ … a trip to the naughty step. Photograph: Elva Etienne/Getty Images

I enjoyed this little read, and the book presentation is cute and compact. The best chapter for me was the first and second, and material related to self-observation which was very useful. I also got a lot from the recommendations to journal. The following chapters went downhill. Perry starts with pregnancy and goes through from babyhood to adulthood with her parenting advice. Much of this has already been published by other authors and there isn't much new advice here. As I have already read other books and articles about parenting (covering topics like being responsive to your baby, validating your child's feelings, etc) I felt like I had read it all before. Perry's writing style is weak and uncaptivating compared to other parenting books. It's like a users manual for your brain. It's trying to apply a lot of material to a very broad audience, so it is of necessity descriptive rather than prescriptive. That's just fine with me since it's so well-grounded in our (admittedly nascent) understanding of neuroscience and truths that have tended to emerge from Western Civ.