If you do a lot of baking, a nut chopper is an excellent time-saver! Choosing the Best Nut Chopper – Features to Ponder Over How many times did I zap his balls? I forget, but it was many times. The air in the room smelled like ozone and burning when I was done. I couldn’t be bothered to deal with taking off the elastrator band, since that’s kind of difficult and I’d rather him accidentally cut his balls with the scissors than me. The best way to make sure I really ‘go to town’ on your balls is to make sure you’re completely bound and gagged. That way you can’t change your mind or try to yell out annoying words. The best you can muster is a weak-ass “Ftop! Fleafe! Ftop!”. Welp, I’m sorry bud but I don’t speak whatever language that is! When you get zapped by electricity, the tissues in your body offers very little resistance to the electrons flowing through them. That pain is every neuron the electrons touch, telling your brain how unpleasant it is to be a conductor of electricity. It’s also potentially damaging your cells at a microscopic level, so those neurons are screaming at your brain, MAKE THIS STOP!

I jammed the cattle prod/taser into the heart of his dumb, oxygen starved, under pressure balls and pulled the trigger, sending 4000 volts into his body through his testes. He jerked and screamed, and screamed and screamed. I was laughing my head off, but seriously boy, shut up, you’re embarrassing yourself.But when it comes to chopping more than a handful, it can be timeconsuming, especially if you don’t have good knife skills. But there is a better way to chop almonds, walnuts, peanuts, and a variety of other nuts – the nut chopper! Finished? Did it hurt? Of course it did. But, that was nothing compared to what I do. It’s important for you to do these exercises I recommend, for reference. And also because it’s good for your ball-pain craving mind. Spice mill: Like the pestle and mortar, a spice mill is manual. These have a similar design to a pepper mill in that the device is hand-cranked and the ground spices come out of the bottom. They’re a great option if you’re looking to grind small amounts. Spice mills are not suitable for wet ingredients. One of the things that ladies forget when they’re jumping on testes is that since only roughly 222N of force is required to pop one, if you’re jumping on both with more than double that, sometimes they can both suddenly pop at once! When one nut pops it turns instantly inside out and ballgoo pumps out of the nut and into the scrotum, suddenly all the force is now on the other one, which of course immediately gives up the ghost and now you’re a double nut eunuch. Whoops, sorry not sorry. Isn’t that what you wanted anyway? You got two for the price of one I guess, congrats.

What types of nuts do you chop regularly? Are they hard nuts or soft nuts? Can your chopper easily fit in all the nuts and hold them well? Considering these factors is essential. The best chopper for you should easily handle the types of nuts you chop most often. There have been a fair few studies done about human testicles by mostly male scientists who are very concerned about what the maximum force allowable is before testicles rupture. According to a peer-reviewed study for sports health, “a 50 lbs force or 222 newtons is needed to rupture the protective outer tunica albuginea of direct force. The testicle ruptures when force is applied through the organ that is “trapped” against the pelvis bone, protective cup, or inner thigh.” So anyway, where were we? Ah yes, the different ways to crush testicles. I have a few. One is with a vice thats specifically made for squishing balls flat, like ugly little pancakes. Mechanical, effective, and so extremely painful that professional torturers have used them for Millenia to extract information from unfortunate males. A wonderful way to go, except it’s still kinda hard to make them pop in there.

Pestle and mortar: Made up of a heavy bowl (mortar) and a club-shaped tool (pestle), this is a primitive and centuries-old means of grinding spices and other foods. These come in a range of sizes, from small ones no bigger than a teacup to large Mexican molcajete. Pestle and mortars are versatile as both dry and wet mixes can be ground in them. If you’re using roasted nuts, make sure you cool them before putting them in the chopper. Some choppers may not be able to take the heat well.