We've tried putting our foot down or disengaging and these just seem to make her more escalated. Dragging her upstairs and shutting the door on her is not something either of us enjoy doing. At all. We've also been giving into her tantrums a lot. Fine you can have more candy just stop already! I should say I give in more then my husband does. Both of us were at a loss, Peanut was never this bad. We had no experience in dealing with her explosions. People who are punishment-oriented and blame children for their outbursts would not enjoy this book. Parents who feel that their authority is undermined when they try new things or give their children an opportunity to problem solve would not likely enjoy this book. Conclusion Teaching these skills takes less time than not teaching them. Some children automatically and inaccurately interpret their experiences and the intentions as ‘It’s not fair”, “You always blame me!”, ‘Nobody likes me,” “I’m stupid’. These interpretations can cause spontaneous combustion if unchallenged. See p 199–204 for samples of discussions with a child to disconfirm the above beliefs. Help child to look at exceptions through questioning. Don’t mislabel your child. Seeing your child’s difficulties through the prism of lagging skills permits you to stop referring to your child in counterproductive ways, calling him attention-seeking, manipulative, unmotivated, button-pushing, and so on. Mental health professionals often label the parents of behaviorally challenging kids as passive, permissive, inconsistent, or inept disciplinarians, but those characterizations are off the mark as well. An insightful, sensitive portrayal of children who need help—and how to help them.” -- Myrna B. Shure

The book was recommended to me by a number of people, but I must say the title put me off a little. I advocate for neurodiversity, I'm autistic and ADHD myself and have been subjected to people calling me "dramatic" or "over-reactive" in the past, so a book called "The Explosive Child" made me feel like a child was being blamed for their responses to things. However, I trust the people who recommended it to me, and over a year after buying it I started to read. I now know why you should never judge a book by its cover (or its title). Putting a lot of energy into teaching an explosive child “who’s boss” may be counterproductive since the child is already motivated and knows who’s boss. An insightful, sensitive portrayal of children who need help--and how to help them." -- Myrna B. Shure In his first book—originally published in 1998, and now available in a revised fifth edition -- Dr. Greene described his Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model and its application to behaviorally challenging kids and their parents. Since 1998, the book has sold over 750,000 copies. And it’s as relevant now as it was then. It's a "one size fits all" approach. Greene seems to pompously promote himself and his ideas as if they are the ONLY way. He seems to dismiss ALL other parenting approaches.The problem is that a very different philosophy (children do well if they want to) — often guides adults’ thinking in their interactions with explosive children. Adherents to this idea believe children are already capable of behaving more appropriately but simply don’t want to. Dr. Ross Greene is the New York Times bestselling author of the influential books The Explosive Child, Lost at School, Raising Human Beings, and Lost & Found. He is the originator of the innovative, evidence-based treatment approach called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) described in these books. The CPS model provides a compassionate, accurate understanding of behavioral challenges and an evidence-based, non-punitive, non-adversarial approach for reducing challenging episodes, solving problems, improving communication, and repairing relationships. Plan B: This plan involves solving a problem collaboratively. You realize that if your child is having difficulty meeting expectations, something must be getting in his way. You also recognize that you’re the one who figures out what’s getting in the way, and that your child is your best source of information. You work together to solve her problems. Help your child develop the skills to be more flexible, solve problems, and handle frustration more adaptively.

Dr. Greene wants educators to take the time to treat problematic children with special attention. He does understand that teachers already have plenty of work in front of them. "Understanding and helping these students has to be a priority. However, since educators have so many competing priorities, helping behaviorally challenging students often sits low on the totem pole." My thoughts: Your behaviorally challenged kid is one kid in the class---public education is for teaching society's kids. This has to be done efficiently for everyone to receive an education. If a teacher stops every time a child interrupts to negotiate with that child then there are 30 kids who don't get to learn. Is the teacher supposed to stop for all 30 kids? I completely understand why a parent would go through the process in this book, but I don't think every teacher should be expected to...or even asked to. Rewards and punishments are virtually worthless if caregivers don’t first spend time doing the following with their behaviorally challenging child: This book was enthusiastically recommended to me (along with Motivational Interviewing) when I was struggling with a teenage foster son. It has been a game changer with my elementary schooler, who is generally well-behaved but sometimes oppositional. When tired or agitated we all have more trouble handling more frustration. "But these kids are in a bad mood a lot, so they have trouble handling frustration and solving problems a lot, too." This is the premise of the approach that Dr. Greene explains in this book. In a nutshell, he wants to suggest a focus on exploring specific problems and solutions collaboratively (with the child, siblings, parents, and teachers) to enable children to develop the coping skills to handle life. If issues are spelled out ahead of time and the solutions are discussed then there are clear expectations of how many interactions should happen and the child goes along with the program because he/she is 'heard' and part of the solution. The process works through fundamental communication issues and allows for predetermined expectations so the behaviorally challenged child isn't so frustrated as to act out in inappropriate ways.We are in the midst of a societal and public health crisis. We are losing our most vulnerable kids, largely due to perspectives that are outdated and counterproductive, and disciplinary practices that are punitive and exclusionary.