My 12 year old just told me a joke He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times. The scissor factory had to close down… they just couldn’t cut it in today’s market. Clip and Claps: Snippy Q&A Puns This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.'” – Tim Vine

My scissors are always up to date on the latest fashion trends. They’re totally on the cutting edge. What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment? He used a huge axe, man. Here is a list of funny cutting tree jokes and even better cutting tree puns that will make you laugh with friends.Why did the scissors enroll in baking school? Because they wanted to be the best pastry cutters in town! Snipping With Wit: Cutting-edge Double Entendre Puns (Scissor Puns) I tried to make a move on my crush with a pair of scissors, but I guess I didn’t really make the cut.

I’m going to cut the ribbon,” said Tom, ceremoniously. Cuts and Contradictions: Oxymoronic Scissor Puns Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars? Shuriken.Short cutting puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cutting humour may include short chopping jokes also. Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications. Steve’s father used to do my hair,” says George. “Since I retired, I do the odd errand if Steve needs anything, and I have me morning coffee. I’ve been coming here for 30-odd years. And this is what he did to me,” he says, pointing to a bald pate.

Did you hear about the pair of magic scissors who made history? They were known for their cutting-edge performances! I saw a pair of scissors on a cooking show. They were cutting up a lot of herbs, I guess they were on a roll! Did you hear about the scissor’s sibling who joined the military? They’re enlisted in the Special Cutting Forces! Cutting-edge Comedy (Scissor Puns) Here is a list of funny cutting wood jokes and even better cutting wood puns that will make you laugh with friends.I went to the hairdresser and asked for a bob, but they misunderstood and gave me a pair of scissors instead. I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.'” – Tim Vine I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.” – Matt Kirshen It’s always a good idea to keep your scissors close on a camping trip. You never know when you might need to cut some bears! I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue?’ I said ‘No, just a watch.'” – Tim Vine

I got in trouble for using my scissors during detention, but hey, I was just trying to make some snips! How did the scissors become a world-famous celebrity? They had a cutting edge over their competition! What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. You don’t have to be ex-military to be guaranteed good service at Georgiou’s, as Steve is eager to point out: “We get people from all walks of life, from surgeons to alcoholics – a real diversity of people. They’re all the same to me. I don’t give preferential treatment to somebody just because they’re a surgeon or someone who sweeps the road. They’re all human.What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!” I can cut wood just by looking at it! I know it is hard to believe but I saw it with my own two eyes! You need to be careful around magical scissors. They can easily cut through dimensions and make your reality unravel.