From a medical perspective, some early symptoms are visible and, if detected, can be attributed to the rise of codependency in a person. Those signs link to depression, isolation, and suicidal urges.

Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent--and you may find yourself in this book. With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More helps you to break old patterns, maintain healthy boundaries, and say no to unhealthy relationships. It offers a clear and achievable path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness. Next, the codependent tries to figure out how to cope with a situation that is not their fault and they have no control over. The natural instinct is to try to gain some control over the situation. But instead of doing it the healthy way--controlling themself by setting boundaries and knowing how to enforce them--they try to control the other person by "helping" them in various ways. We hope that you’ve learned something about dependency and how you can come out on top if you ever face a similar struggle.A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.

This book will prompt you to climb the highest point and have a broad overview of how your life should be structured. The mindset that you nurture is going to be either your best friend or your worst enemy. 12min Tip In this Blink to Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More, you’ll learn some hard truths about the nature of codependency, as well as steps you can take and attitudes you can adopt to begin traveling down the path to recovery. In time, you’ll learn to better cope with your problems, trust yourself, and actually begin to feel your own feelings instead of someone else’s.

12min Tip

An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one's self-destructive behaviour, you may be codependent – and you may find yourself in this book. These reactions are most likely learned in response to stress – for instance, the constant uncertainty of living with an alcoholic. And while these stress reactions can act as a coping mechanism, they only hurt us in the long run. That’s because, just like alcoholism, codependency is a progressive condition that doesn’t get better on its own;it only gets worse. You cannot help but notice that codependents must deal with a handful of problems including the scariest one of all: separating the truth from the lies. Understanding of codependency This leads to the next talking point that codependents are not attached solely to people but to the environmental situations as well. They are somewhat compelled to put the feelings of others above theirs with total disregard for their interests.

For each of us, there comes a time to let go. You will know when that time has come. when you have done all that you can do, it is time to detach. Deal with your feelings. Face your fears about losing control. Gain control of yourself and your responsibilities. Free others to be who they are. In so doing, you will set yourself free. p 82 Don’t get surprised if, from time to time, you lose the ground beneath your feet. It’s a symbolic expression that embodies our absolute necessity to vent anger and rage.People say that we can't change the past, but that's not true. We can change it by how we perceive it, and whether we use it to become and stay victims, or to show ourselves how strong we are.... The goal of this work is to feel everything we need to feel that we didn't feel before, and then to release the emotions, forgive other people and ourselves so we can love and respect ourselves, and feel confident in our ability to love other people too." Kad čia pat knyga kalba apie tai, kas nėra rūpestis savimi ir kaltės atsikratymas - piktybinis kito neišgirdimas ar elgesys, kai žinai, kad kenki kitam, nėra "savo poreikių tenkinimas", abejingumas ir pasyvi agresija nėra "rūpestis savimi" ar "savo ribų brėžimas". There's also an app based on another book by the author, The Language of Letting Go, that offers daily thoughts to meditate on (my therapist recommended that for me, too). I've really loved that because, unlike a book, which I read and then put aside, the app brings up one small idea for me every day. In all honesty, there are innumerable definitions about codependency. All of them are focusing on the consequences of codependency and less on the actual causes that fuel this should. We call it a disease. Don't let my three-star rating fool you. I have my reasons for giving it a middle-of-the-road rating that are completely my own, which I will get into, but that does not discount the fact that this workbook will give anyone reading it a good dose of self-love and stable steps to guide you through almost any obstacle.

I don't personally have any experience dealing with alcoholism or narcotic addiction of my own or a loved one, but I have struggled with other forms of addiction, obsession, and codependency. Reading this book was both eye-opening to understand some of my behaviour and thoughts better, and to see how it may very well have been impacting those close to me. It's helped me re-frame some things and also been very uplifting. Feel insecure and often guilty when it comes to spending money on their basic needs or doing some other stuff for their pleasure. I do not agree that any healing is dependent on having a belief in any God, Higher Power or set steps. In my humble, imperfect, but conscientiously observed opinion, it is dependent on a deeply honest, deeply caring uncovering of both our personal layers of trauma and our inherent intelligence and wisdom. As far as I'm concerned, if anyone tries to tell you you need God, 12 Steps and Higher Power to heal, then I suggest running the other way because they are likely attempting some form of evangelical conversion - a form of violence completely antithetical to healing. Since codependents rarely take their well-being into account, they suffer. By no means should you feel selfish in taking a stance for yourself!

Also extremely irksome was the very commonly American style of presumptuous Christian proselytising (that said, I do think this American habit/ tendency is declining over recent years as respect for the differing views of others has grown, so perhaps, in this case, it is also a mark of an earlier era as the book was written in the '80s). I have been more involved with Buddhist practice and philosophy in my life, though I only really got into that when I found a Teacher who was as equally interested and engaged as I was with recognising what all Faith systems share. I was already in love with Hildegard von Bingen, and rather fond of St Claire and St Francis (I spent some time visiting a rural nunnery built alongside a monastery dedicated to these two). I have long loved mystical and contemplative Christian work. I have loved reading Matthew Fox and Thomas Merton, among others. Some of my role models are priests and nuns whose Christianity informs their social care work. I have my own relationship with God. And my God is NOT the God Melody Beattie frequently describes. And the issue here is not that I care about Melody Beattie's God specifically, but that a relationship with God - including not having such a relationship - is deeply personal and that I feel her manner of speaking about HER God is incredibly presumptuous (I've used that word a lot in this review, haven't I) and therefore disrespectful and inappropriate. I release myself from worry, guilt and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it. Terri Cole defined it as “overly invested in the feeling states, the decisions, the circumstances, and the outcomes of the people in your life, to the detriment of your internal peace, maybe your financial well-being, maybe your physical well-being.”