I borrowed this book from my local library. I had it on reserve and so had to collect it from the reception desk. As the librarian handed me the book, she caught sight of its subtitle and looked a little uncomfortable. She was embarrassed, but I wasn’t; I found it rather amusing. Todd is a former editor of Attitude, the UK’s best-selling gay magazine. In this book, he faces head-on the reality of a major problem within the LGBT community: ‘Despite more LGBT people than ever before, thank goodness, leading happy, successful lives, it is becoming increasingly clear that a disproportionate number of us are not thriving as we should’ (p.9). A groundbreaking and controversial book which explores contemporary gay and bisexual culture and asks if gay people are as happy as they could be. Todd explores why statistics show a disproportionate number of gay people suffer from mental health problems, and why significant numbers experience difficulty in sustaining meaningful relationships. It is a call-to-arms for society to protect and nurture young people, regardless of their sexual orientation. My main problem is that I think Todd confuses his personal experiences and internal revelations as having universal application. If he wrote and presented this book more as a biography and less of a sociological commentary on the gay experience I would have more patience for it. As it stands, he makes a lot of unfounded assertions that he does not have the qualifications to make. He’s a journalist and commentator, not a psychologist or social scientist. Here is one example (emphasis added):

This was a strange book. Not strange as in weird, but strange in that it presents itself as one thing while it is, in reality, something quite different. Billed as ‘part memoir, part ground-breaking polemic, it looks beneath the shiny facade of contemporary gay culture and asks if gay people are as happy as they could be’. The description continues: And we should respond by continuing to proclaim the better story. Todd shares about some of the routes to recovery that have been helpful to him and others, highlighting especially the role that Twelve Steps groups can play. It’s a good thing that Todd and others have found significant help in these various forms of support. Each form of support is an example of God’s generosity to humanity (what theologians call ‘common grace’). But as Christians we have better and even more powerful answers to offer. Nobody I know works harder than me. If I'm awake I'm working on SOMETHING. Everyone is like, How do you do it? Well, it's mostly because that's when I feel most alive, is when I'm putting myself to use, and I like to do it in various different capacities, often all at once. But is part of that a niggling, "See? See what a valuable member of society I am? What worth I have? What good I do, in spite of that aspect of me that you take issue with?" Yeah, I think it's a little implied. Why should I have to prove my worth like that? That attitude doesn't assume equality. If equal, I should get to piss about as much as everyone else seems to. If we're all equal, not even a gay serial killer should be a slight against our kind, right? There are plenty of straight ones, but nobody's like, "Don't be straight!"I guess this book reminded me that in an ideal world this wouldn't be an issue. Meanwhile I'm trying to navigate the realities of living in the actual world. It's true that in Norway the culture is accepting of gay people, because of their almost aggressive assertion of equality amongst all peoples—but the Turkish guys had only been here two months, turned out. I've been here eight years and I still don't know the language, so just how rapidly can you expect people to adapt to new cultures? (Googled LGBT in Turkey: it gets a yike from me.) I recommend it to everyone I meet. I've bought 15 copies to give to people. In my opinion it should be on every teacher's reading list. Whoever you are - especially if you are straight - go and buy it now. It could help change your life and the world around you. Rankin (Photographer & Director) Russell believes the escapism narrative put forward to explain science fiction’s appeal to gay people is negative because it implies terror. He believes instead that it is attractive because gay people are freer, happier, more able to accept colour and campness – but I don’t agree. In our teenage years we are desperate for connection but we know that it is too dangerous. I think we are drawn to Doctor Who precisely because he is a stoic loner, emotionally detached and literally leaves before anyone gets close enough for him to have to face his emotions. This is not to take away from the place of love it no doubt comes from, but I personally preferred when he was flexing his journalist muscles and telling me about real life people, showing with proof and stats how a certain type of upbringing can lead to a certain type of problem etc, I just wish he stayed with that rather than veering off course with far too much addiction and recovery information. An honest insight into LGBTQ life that everybody should be enlightened about regardless of sexuality. Rylan Clark-Neal

Matthew Todd is one of the UK's leading gay writers. He was the editor of the UK's bestselling gay magazine, Attitude, between 2008 and 2016 where he won three British Society of Magazine Editors Editor of the Year Awards, a Stonewall Journalist of the Year Award and was given the Freedom of the City of London. Prince William made history by sitting for the cover of Matthew's final issue as editor. Despite the subtitle 'How to be Gay and Happy', this isn't very happy reading. It's more about the psychological damage being LGBT in today's society does to you. Although I really don't want to say anything bad about this book because it clearly is very necessary and has had a positive impact on some of those who read it, I did find it a bit repetitive, anecdotal and clunky in parts. I would also have loved more focus on the 'happy' bit, which Todd does do in a few chapters at the end - I found the one on how society could be better improved to help LGBT people particularly fascinating, and worthy of a book by itself! If only this had been written twenty years ago I can only imagine the lives that could have been saved sooner. This is a hugely important book for everyone. It's changed the way I see myself, other people and the world. Paris Lees, author and British Vogue Contributing Editor I think our first response should be compassion. Todd litters his writing with heart-breaking stories. There are stories of people made and loved by God, people who bear God’s image, who have been made to feel that they are degenerate or disgusting. There are stories of people who have become trapped in dangerous and destructive practices in their desperate attempt to deal with the pain they carry. And there are stories of people for whom the pain became just too much and the only solution they could see was to opt out of life completely. This insight into the experience of some LGBT people should break our hearts and move us with compassion, just as Jesus was moved with compassion when he saw sorrow and suffering. On the one hand, it expertly explains the origins of the problems so many queer people face - how society treats us and the defence mechanisms we develop to cope with them. And, being aware of these issues so succinctly is always going to be useful to overcoming them.

Retailers:

Can we push the debate beyond that pass-the-joint thought experiment where the world is gay and therefore humanity comes to an end? Like, gay people know how reproduction works, you know. We could make more people if we felt like it? Who knows how we got in this situation where everyone is gay, because it’s not a phenomenon that seems to naturally occur beyond like 5-10% of the population, but as soon as we started having kids again, they’d more likely than not be straight, no? Setting aside how many philosophers have made the powerful argument that consciousness is a mistake anyway and we should let ourselves die out, you know? Why is making kids so great? My point is: I am RSVPing "No" to your baby shower :P

Simply put: there was nothing of real substance here. It was just a series of sentiments in big letters stating things like ‘A revolution is needed in the professional understanding of the mental-health implications of growing up LGBT’, followed by a paragraph or two of vague, hand-wavy ideas to make this a reality. Ive read "The Velvet Rage" by Alan Downs and by and large i found this book built on the ideas covered there. I found much of the stories to be impactful and at times quite troubling. Being gay in a heteronormative society is not easy, but add the macho aggression found here in Australia and it changes it to a very bleak place. at a time when we are overwhelmed by the danger of our existence, clutching for a rope to pull us out of the pit of fear, this shiny, unreal, neon world of artifice, of glamour, of making something beautiful out of the dullness offers us a way to escape – to disconnect from reality. My criticism of the book is that the honest portrayal of gay life could well terrify young readers. It did paint a pretty bleak picture, it was honest and accurate but ....

Todd outlines this understanding in three parts: part one explores the roots of LGBT shame, part two the unhealthy ways that LGBT people seek to escape the pain of this shame, and part three the road to recovery. In each part, Todd draws on his own experience, stories of those he knows, and interviews with various experts and practitioners. I like to think there is a little bit of radical subterfuge in my filmmaking club. I don't know what my Iraqi, Polish or Syrian members think of me, for example—maybe it's fine but I don't want to go there, really, why bother?—but I have made a lovely community at the club from which they benefit. That's pretty cool, and about as political as I can get, really. But I've always thought the strongest political statement any one person can make is by living authentically. If you show the world your truest self, and act like who you are and what you do matters and is valid and has value, you go about life passively implying everything you believe in, and people who accept you have to accept that. And this book will certainly help people achieve that for sure. I got so much out of that book and I know a lot of people have. It’s helping a lot of people. It’s a bible. Performance artist David Hoyle