Despite the fact that both men and women have been engaging in anal sex since the ancient Greeks (and probably long before that), there remains, in many circles, a stigma attached to it. But it’s paramount that people who are having anal sex feel comfortable discussing it with a knowledgeable and respectful healthcare provider. That’s why at Lighthouse, we work to connect patients with LGBTQ-affirming healthcare providers who have the training and experience necessary to provide holistic and nonjudgmental care. Because when it comes to bottoming — or any part of your sex life — no subject should be taboo. First, don't neglect foreplay. Instead of going straight for the ass, try a few other activities you enjoy, like oral sex, to get your body turned on and receptive to a new kind of stimulation. For either problem, I suggest trying dilators. Available in medical supply stores, dilators provide a safe and secure way to become more comfortable with anal sex. Start small, leave the dilator in place for 10 minutes three times a day, and use the same size for a week. Increase to the next size on a weekly basis until you reach the size of your partner’s penis. If for any reason anal sex remains painful or you notice the appearance of lumps, bleeding, or an ongoing itch, see a healthcare professional immediately for a thorough anorectal examination. Find Bottom Friendly Medical Support It’s also helpful to consistently eat a high fiber diet that includes foods such as whole grains, broccoli, and beans — as this regulates bowel movements and decreases the likelihood of soiling during sex. Fiber helps bulk up stool and decreases liquidity, further minimizing the chance of a mess. In general, men should consume 30-40 grams of fiber per day, and women should consume 25-30 grams of fiber per day.

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According to sex and relationship expert Jessica O'Reilly, the key to anal play is relaxation. As she writes in The New Sex Bible: The New Guide to Sexual Love, there are two muscle rings known as the sphincter around the entrance to the anus. You want to be gentle with them when inserting anything into your butt. "Relax, breathe deeply, and bear down slightly with your sphincter muscles as you insert [a toy] for the first time," writes O'Reilly. If you have a vagina, the butt plug is also a wonderful way to experience double penetration: Slide one in after applying lube and wear it during vaginal sex with a penis or dildo. You can also simultaneously stimulate your clit with fingers or a vibrator. Many people love receiving oral while they have a butt plug in. That said, you don't need a partner to enjoy butt plugs — they make for excellent masturbation companions. In fact, solo sex is a lovely way to explore anal play. The bottom line is that anal pleasure through butt plugs is something anyone can enjoy. What should I know about lube? Rimming can provide some lubrication and helps the anus relax before sex. That said, rimming can put both partners at risk for STIs, so be careful. Dental dams may be used as a protective barrier to minimize the risk of infection, but can obviously be awkward to use. To remove a butt plug, gently pull it out while taking slow and steady deep breaths, or have your partner hold the base and slide it out for you. O'Reilly also points out that removal can be easier if you've orgasmed during anal play, as orgasms relax the pelvic floor. What about cleanup? In the world of sexual adventure, modern life has removed those old taboos about arse play. Experimentation helps you realise your full sexual potential. It makes no difference if you are gay or straight, bi or trans, pleasure does not define your sexual orientation. A butt plug is a great way to start exploring and working out what you like and what works for you. They can be used before sex, during sex, after sex or even just whilst out shopping. After all, enjoyment doesn't have to be restricted to the bedroom.After foreplay, lubricate the outside of the anus and your partner’s penis. It’s important not to stimulate the bottom’s penis while attempting penetration. During penetration, if the bottom’s penis is stimulated, he is likely to experience the bulbocavernosus reflex, or the involuntary contraction of the anal sphincters. This reflex is more pronounced in uncircumcised men, and will make bottoming more painful and difficult. Politch, J. A., Mayer, K. H. & Anderson, D. J. HIV-1 is undetectable in preejaculatory secretions from HIV-1-infected men on suppressive HAART: AIDS 30, 1899–1903 (2016).

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Next, start with something smaller than a plug: Lube up your finger, or ask your partner if you can borrow theirs. Circle the anus with the finger, glide it gently in and out of the anus, then add another finger. Rodger, A. J. et al. Sexual Activity Without Condoms and Risk of HIV Transmission in Serodifferent Couples When the HIV-Positive Partner Is Using Suppressive Antiretroviral Therapy. JAMA 316, 171–181 (2016). Richel, O., De Vries, H. J. C., Dijkgraaf, M. G. W., Van Noesel, C. J. M. & Prins, J. M. Risk Factors for the Presence of Anal Intraepithelial Neoplasia in HIV+ Men Who Have Sex with Men. PLoS ONE 8, e84030 (2013). Once the sphincter is fully relaxed, intercourse should not be painful and stimulation of the bottom’s penis will no longer cause difficulty with anoreceptive intercourse. Post-Coital Cleaning Schmelzer, M., Schiller, L. R., Meyer, R., Rugari, S. M. & Case, P. Safety and effectiveness of large-volume enema solutions. Appl Nurs Res 17, 265–274 (2004).

When it comes to butt plugs, look no further. We have a huge selection covering every possible shape and size, length and depth. Not just for the boys, our massive range of plugs really does offer something for everyone.

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After anal sex, shower normally with a gentle soap. Clean the outside of the anus very gently — do not attempt to scrub. Do not use enemas, including soap suds or Fleets. Get tested for STIs every three months if you are having anal intercourse with more than one partner, and every six months if you are monogamous. You can easily find a gay-friendly or gay-identifying doctor through Lighthouse to avoid negative discrimination or stigma. What If Bottoming Still Isn’t Blissful? Podnar, S. Clinical elicitation of the penilo-cavernosus reflex in circumcised men. BJU Int. 109, 582–585 (2012). When bottoming hurts, it could be that your anus is anatomically too tight or you are unable to relax, which is oftentimes a psychological response. Many people have had negative bottoming experiences in the past or simply have a fear of the unknown, rendering them unable to relax their anus and enjoy safe and pain-free anal intercourse. Some people are simply tighter than others — and some penises are larger than others — which can make anal intercourse more painful.

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After play, always wash your butt plugs and your hands with warm water and ample soap. If you have a vagina, avoid transferring bacteria from the butt to the vulva or vagina, since that can cause infection. (This means you and your partner need to wash your hands before rubbing any of your other genitalia.) Schmit says you can toss silicone plugs in a dishwasher, and our favorite three nonporous materials — tempered glass, silicone, and stainless steel — can be boiled to disinfect them, provided that they don't contain motors. Where can I buy a butt plug, and which one is right for me?

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Dilators help with psychological fears by preparing you more for what to expect, giving you total control over your body, and erasing any fear or embarrassment in the eyes of a partner. Physically, they allow the sphincter to accommodate a penis over time and should help bottoming get easier

Gently allow penetration to the point of minimal discomfort. It may be more comfortable for the bottom to control penetration by sitting on their partner’s penis. Within a minute, the sphincter will relax and the penis can be slowly inserted fully.