I’d also like to credit Marge Blanc, MA, CCC-SLP for being a role model to me in how to be accountable in this way. Episodic Memory & Experience Sharing Allow extra processing time so that your child can make sense of what you have said and have time to think about how to respond – it can be helpful to count to 5 in your head following a statement or request.

Declarative language is a great way to build a variety of skills including social emotional regulation, executive functioning, perspective taking, inferencing, problem solving, self-advocacy, and so much more. Helps with social emotional development and self-regulation (e.g., "I notice that you're upset. Let's take a couple of deep breaths together." instead of "Calm down!") I am. Yeah, I would totally agree with that. As you were talking, I’m thinking one of the tilts in my book differently wired is this idea of becoming fluent in our kids. And so I think this is a part of that is really understanding, as you said, how to communicate in a way that our kids will be receptive and really understand the meaning of what we’re saying in the best possible way. And I also love that it is this idea that everything is an opportunity to learn, like literally everything that happens when using this approach. It can become a way to learn to grow to make connections to develop more fluency. And so I think it is really powerful in that way. And I just want to say to the listeners, I feel like we’re talking around this a little bit and we are going to get into it. Give you some real specific examples of what declarative language is and how to start using this in your world. But I have one more question before we get to that. So when we were planning for this conversation you shared with me that you use co-regulation with a declarative language constantly and never one without the other. So could you talk about the relationship between declarative language and co-regulation?

focusing on their many positive qualities as well as trying to support them with areas that they find difficult Autism and the PDA profile are dimensional– this means that approaches need to be tailored for each individual child, applied flexibly and reviewed regularly. There is no wrong or right way to do things, it’s about learning as much as you can about PDA, finding out what works best for you and your child and building a framework of approaches. Simply put, imperative language requires a response. This can be problematic for children, especially if they have a language impairment. Examples of imperative language include: For the past few years, I’ve been hearing about this concept called “declarative language,” and although I had an idea of what it was, after reading my guest Linda Murphy’s Declarative Language Handbook , I couldn’t wait to bring her on the show because it offers another transformational tool for our parenting differently wired kids’ toolbox.

Validates a child's feelings and experiences (e.g., "I can see that you're frustrated that your sister is using the red crayon. I wonder if we could ask to borrow it when she's done with it." instead of "You're okay, it's just a crayon.") Gives kids a chance to discover mistakes they make without shaming or blaming (e.g., "I don't think I heard the toilet flush." instead of "Flush the toilet.") Yeah, and you mentioned imperative and you even included a little bit of a grammar lesson in there, which I appreciated. So just to explicitly put out there, what imperative language is, can you just describe that for us and give us an example of what an imperative phrase would be? Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected and Understood by Linda K. MurphyModel behaviours or apply demands to yourself (with no expectation that your child will follow suit) – for instance, you might say “I’m feeling really stressed right now so I’m going to lie down in a quiet room and listen to some whale songs to help me to calm down”. Be inventive by linking activities to your child’s special interests or by using role play (e.g. your child could be the teacher for the day and teach her/his toys a social story or how to act in certain social situations) or by making a poster together that will tell other children how to behave.

Martha Bargmann MS, CCC-SLP Speech Language Pathologist at Massachusetts General Hospital for Children

Yeah, an imperative is a demand, or a command in the moment that asks the other individual to do something, or to perform in some way. So it could be to say something to do something. So examples might be stand up, sit down, say this, do this. But very discreet, it tells the person what to do, it tells the person what to say. But it really doesn’t give any additional information about the greater social context. It doesn’t get at any of the sooner I’m talking about what it’s not also, but it doesn’t really get it any of the language that we use to build relationships with other people. And it doesn’t talk about our observations together, our experiences, our memories, our ideas, our opinions, our future plans, it really doesn’t get at any of that wonderful communication that helps connect us to each other and build relationships and what it does, essentially, and I know we’ll get into this as it when it places that demand on our learners, it can trigger at times that fight flight freeze response, which as we move down the road might present as challenging behaviors to others maybe on understanding what’s going on. And you’re just seeing the end result. Here are some of the benefits of using declarative language, including some example. There's likely more than what I cover below, but it will give you a taste of what you can expect. It's also important to remember that declarative language isn't about demanding your child to do things. So try rephrasing any directions that you give your child into an observation instead. What's dad cooking for supper?" ➡ "I think I smell lasagna!" or "I wonder what's on the meal plan for supper tonight." Remember, declarative language is about making comments or statements, not about asking questions. So one way to get started with declarative language is to take the question you were going to ask and turn it into a statement instead.

Builds executive function skills such as inferencing and problem solving. Do you remember when you were a child, and it seemed like adults knew what to do all the time? Now that we are adults, isn’t that comical?? But seriously, because adults are constantly problem-solving in our own minds, children don’t realize how much effort it takes. When you start problem-solving out loud in front of your child, you bring them into your thought process. They may even surprise you with a solution from time to time! What does this look like in real life? You might say (out loud) while driving home, “Oops, this road is closed up ahead. Instead of sitting in this traffic, I’m going to turn around and try a different route. But since we are going to be late, I probably won’t have time to cook the dinner I was planning. Let’s make pancakes since that will be faster. I will call dad and ask him to start cooking.” You are showing your child how to solve problems, how to stay calm under pressure, and how to be flexible. Linda describes declarative language as a positive, thoughtful communication style that emphasizes understanding, patience, respect, and kindness, and as you’ll hear, it is an ideal communication style for neurodivergent children and kids whose nervous systems are triggered by demands or imperative communication styles.Yeah, I too, have seen or noticed a sea change may be a slow one. But I started Tilt almost seven years ago now. And the landscape is so different from when I first started doing this podcast and started doing this work. And that is really exciting for me to see. And there does just seem to be a lot more openness and curiosity about how can we better support neurodivergent kids and really meet them where they’re at even just the approaches to doing that. And so it’s more compassionate is more about CO regulation, it is with more understanding of the nervous system and you mentioned fight flight or freeze response. And so it’s exciting. One of the things you talk about this being really supportive for kids who have social learning challenges, how would you define social learning challenges?