While we had taught them adequate language, cultural, and technical skills, we had not prepared them at all for assertively and confidently dealing in public with a critical personal examination of their motives, wants, weaknesses, even their strengths—in short, an examination of themselves as persons. We had not taught them to cope in a situation where the trainee wanted to talk about agronomy and the ersatz farmers (as the real campesinos would) wanted to talk about the trainee. We had not taught them how to respond in such a situation because we didn’t then know what to teach them. All of us had vague ideas about the situation but none of us helped much. We did not teach the trainee how to assert himself without having to justify or give a reason for everything he does or wants to do. We had not taught the trainee how to say simply: “Because I want to …” and then leave the rest up to the people he was going to try and help. grandmother used to say, you can always find something wrong with someone else if you really want to.”

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty - Goodreads A quote from When I Say No, I Feel Guilty - Goodreads

Think of all of the things you're saying "yes" to when you say "no." You don't have to look at saying "no" as a negative thing. If you're saying "no" to doing more work, you're saying "yes" to a variety of things that will benefit your life. If you think of all of the things that will be better off from you saying "no," you will feel less guilty. Here are a few of them: If you continue to feel responsible for how others react to your ‘no,’ however, you are agreeing to be a part of an unhealthy relationship that is based in distorted concepts of responsibility. Your only hope for a healthy relationship is to continue to work toward breaking your own patterns of unhealthy responsibility. FOGGING is a very effective skill for desensitizing you to criticism and actually reducing the frequency of criticism from others. It rapidly sets up a psychological distance, boundary lines between you and the person you FOG.” They also point out that we also have the right to choose to not be assertive if we don’t want to be – but we also have to accept the consequences of not choosing to be assertive.You:“I recognise that you could have been working on something else during the time I wasn’t here” (delivered calmly)

When I say no, I feel guilty — Summary – Karlbooklover When I say no, I feel guilty — Summary – Karlbooklover

Ridiculous, isn’t it? But that is exactly the crazy distortion about responsibility that you might get pulled into within your relationships. Breaking your patterns of unhealthy responsibility means challenging those distortions and becoming clear about what is your job, and what is NOT your job: a: when someone says something like, "how does this apply in the South of France", i.e. a highly esoteric question outside of your area of expertise; "I don't know" For example, in treating patients, I find that it is typically useless to concentrate a lot on why a patient is in trouble; that tends to be academic masturbation and can go on for years with no beneficial results.”Being assertive is generally good but asserting irrational beliefs is not good and you should be working on being more rational and then perhaps focus on assertiveness training. We can decide whether we offer our help and support to others. We can decide to do so or not. Again, right 1 comes into play in that we also have to accept the consequences for not doing so. Right to Change Your Mind Most of the examples covered people simply repeating what they wanted broken record style. I don't think this is effective in many scenarios as things need to be escalated to management, external regulators or through legal action. People may also be hindered by the views and opinions of others when making their own decisions. For example, when a sales clerk encounters a customer who wants to return their shoes, she might ask, "Why don't you like these shoes?" This question implies that she doesn't understand how someone could dislike the shoes. In other words, the sales clerk is judging the customer's behavior. If the customer lets the sales clerk judge their actions, they will feel obliged to come up with a reason why they don't like the shoes. If the reason is not justifiable, they are likely to give in and eventually reconsider returning the shoes. You're saying "yes" to maintaining your sanity, to having some "me time," and for making time for the hobbies and interests that matter to you.

Say No Without Feeling Guilty: 11 Steps - wikiHow How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty: 11 Steps - wikiHow

Most good content flows from author to author like a river, you can spot the trace of influence through time. When I say no, I feel guilty, however seems to be like an island. I haven’t seen it’s ideas laid out anywhere else in the self-development community. At least not clearly and with such great examples. This book makes the best points if you read it with context. That’s why I won’t try to summarize it but instead, share some of my favorite accounts. What is assertiveness ?Everyone else has the same rights as you do, meaning they also need to be assertive to have their rights. By becoming aggressive, you are violating their rights, if you become passive, they have the opportunity to violate your rights. This is much more in relation to our responses to others. We may choose to manipulate others when they use their rights. If we do, then we are not being assertive. Further Learning Although the above methods can apply to most situations, sometimes special circumstances arise that render the situation out of our control. In these cases, it is best to restrain our attitude and avoid being too aggressive. When you're on trial before a judge or being intimidated by someone stronger than you, you have to learn to adapt to the situation and choose a plan that is most beneficial to you. I: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.