I told Matt he was very naïve again. I think I said it three more times. I liked the way it rolled off my tongue. One hot summer afternoon I came home to find my son’s friend, Matt, sitting on our front porch. I invited him in so he didn’t melt in the heat. Justin would be home shortly. I offered him a glass of iced tea. Like a good hostess, I added fresh lemon and a sprig of something green to impress him. Matt, let’s have one more piece of melon before Justin gets home. Give Kitty that little piece on your plate. She loves this stuff!” We sat and slurped down this delicious watermelon. We both agreed it was the sweetest we’ve EVER had. Matt suggested we have another piece while he waited for Justin. I agreed. I was starting to chill from a hectic day and this watermelon was just what I needed to unwind. Matt offered to get up and cut it for me. What a nice kid! I was feeling sentimental that college was starting in a few months and I wouldn’t see him and the other kids for a while. Ooops here comes one now!” I spit one in their direction and laughed uncontrollably. I was having so much fun chilling with my kids, Matt and the cat.

Sure, Matt. I’ll cut you a piece. I think there must have been a bad spot because someone cut a piece off the top.” I got the knife and cut Matt a big slice. It looked so refreshing. He suggested I have one too. In fact, he cut it for me. I was going to call his mom and tell her what a nice young man she’d raised. I grinned and announced that “Me, Matt and the cat did.” I grinned at them and hiccuped. “It was delishioushhh. Have shome…it’s verrrrry nutrishish for you. Watch for the sheeds. Justin says they’re in there.” Matt, sometimes pretty girls can be tramps. It’s deceiving because you expect tramps to have a cigarette hanging out of their mouth and their hair all teased up.” Our cat, appropriately named Kitty, started to scratch at my legs for a treat. I gave her a small piece of the melon. She rolled over and played with it like catnip.When my daughters arrived home they were angry that the watermelon was almost gone. Since when did my kids like fruit so much? “Who ate the watermelon?” they demanded.

Justin and Matt arrived to confess that the watermelon was the cause of my exhaustion. Matt took the blame. That’s when I learned that the hole in the watermelon was not a bad spot. It was a hole to pour vodka into in my refreshing, delicious watermelon. Kitty hiccupped.