Peixoto MM, Nobre P. Prevalence of sexual problems and associated distress among lesbian and heterosexual women. J Sex Marital Ther. 2015;41(4):427–39. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2014.918066. Behn ‘talks about her self in bi-sexual terms. She has a “masculine Part” (her professional writing), linked to her desire to be a “hero” but the “I” who writes is clearly and self-consciously a woman. She thus suggests a radical split between her work and her private self.’[151] ‘My Masculine Part’ is a very specific point and, in the light of the way Behn disrupts assumptions about gender throughout her work, the comment is extremely revealing. Behn knows that she has to ‘play the part of a man’ to be recognized as a writer and this foreshadows Judith Butler’s argument that gender is performative and that our ‘performance’ as male or female is imposed on us by ‘normal’ heterosexuality. Butler believes that people are not divided into two clear- cut groups of male and female. Rather, gender should be fluid and variable, with the ability to change in response to different times and different contexts. In other words your gender is what you do, not what you are: Pachankis JE, Rendina HJ, Restar A, Ventuneac A, Grov C, Parsons JT. A minority stress—emotion regulation model of sexual compulsivity among highly sexually active gay and bisexual men. Health Psychol. 2015;34(8):829–40. https://doi.org/10.1037/hea0000180. Communicate with your partner first. Talk about what you want to try, what you like, and any fears or concerns you have,’ she advises. But how do you tell your partner what you like? Platteau T, Nöstlinger C, Schrooten W, Kenyon C, van Lankveld JJ, Colebunders R, et al. Sexual inactivity among men who have sex with men living with hiv in Europe. Int J Sex Health. 2015;27(2):83–92. https://doi.org/10.1080/19317611.2014.956852.

Engeln-Maddox R, Miller SA, Doyle DM. Tests of objectification theory in gay, lesbian, and heterosexual community samples: mixed evidence for proposed pathways. Sex Roles. 2011;65(7–8):518–32. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-011-9958-8. Bancroft J, Janssen E, Strong D, Vukadinovic Z. The relation between mood and sexuality in gay men. Arch Sex Behav. 2003;32(3):231–42. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1023461500810. Lacefield K, Negy C. Non-erotic cognitive distractions during sexual activity in sexual minority and heterosexual young adults. Arch Sex Behav. 2012;41(2):391–400. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-011-9792-7. Robinson JD, Parks CW. Lesbian and bisexual women’s sexual fantasies, psychological adjustment, and close relationship functioning. J Psychol Hum Sex. 2004;15(4):185–203. https://doi.org/10.1300/J056v15n04_03. We can surmise from her poems that Behn was passionately in love with John Hoyle, who was bisexual[168]. (Hoyle appears in Behn’s poems under different names such as Amyntas, Lysander and Lysidas.). Her love for Hoyle and the uneasiness of their relationship was, as we will see, expressed in many of her poems together with her knowledge of his homosexual relationships. Hoyle was eventually arrested for repeated buggery at his Temple chambers but escaped prosecution when the young man in question withdrew the charges.[169] Therefore the word “crime” would have resonated with meaning for Behn, she would have been acutely aware of what the crime entailed, the illegality of the act and the consequences of being caught out.

Female Misbehaviour (1983-92)

Scissoring is another hotly debated topic. If you’ve ever watched lesbian porn, you could be forgiven for thinking scissoring is all women and vagina-havers do when they have sex with each other. In truth, some queer people love scissoring and do it regularly, others say it doesn’t work for them and it’s not part of their sex lives. Oral sex Seibel S, Rosser B, Horvath K, Evans C. Sexual dysfunction, paraphilias and their relationship to childhood abuse in men who have sex with men. Int J Sex Health. 2009;21:79–86. https://doi.org/10.1080/19317610902773062. Perera PADMP, Abeygunasekera N, Gunewardhana CU, Kumarasinghe NH, Mohedeen SB. Potential sexual addiction (PSA) among men who have sex with men (MSM) who attended STD clinic, Kalubowila: a descriptive cross-sectional study. Sri Lanka J Sexual Health HIV Med. 2018;4:6–10. https://doi.org/10.4038/joshhm.v4i0.75. O’Byrne P. Examining the intersection of desire, drugs and place among gay men. J Res Nurs. 2013;18(3):265–76. https://doi.org/10.1177/1744987111415040.

Peixoto M. Sexual satisfaction, solitary, and dyadic sexual desire in men according to sexual orientation. J Homosex. 2019;66(6):769–79. https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2018.1484231. Behn’s clever use of semantics suggests that she has the expectation that her readers will read her poems closely enough to decode them and understand their true meaning: Regarding levels of sexual desire, studies on the subject draw disparate conclusions. Lippa [ 52] and Welling [ 53] reported that MSM had lower level of sexual desire compared to heterosexual men; conversely, Holmberg and Blair [ 30] showed that gay men scored moderately higher than heterosexual men and women on different expressions of desire (solitary, inside the couple and for an attractive person). In a recent Portuguese study [ 54], gay men reported higher solitary (masturbation) and attractive person-related sexual desire compared to heterosexual men. The two groups did not differ on partner-related sexual desire within the couple. In this case, the partner-related sexual desire was the main predictor for sexual satisfaction, whereas solitary and attractive person-related sexual desire negatively predicted satisfaction. In the office, nothing changed. Both of us swore not to tell anyone else. I dodged questions from friends about my relationship status like bullets - the lies were worth it for the delirium I felt when I was with her.Gordon LE. Bringing the U-haul: embracing and resisting sexual stereotypes in a lesbian community. Sexualities. 2006;9(2):171–92. https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460706063118. With a growing wealth of options out there, there's something for every taste, and every kind of relationship style. From the high school-style squealing of Dear Simon, to the spicier adult themes in Blue is the Warmest Color and Portrait of a Lady on Fire and the sweet, elder gay love showcased in Beginners, these favorites really span the gamut. And that matters, because representation helps young, questioning or isolated LGBTQ+ people feel seen and supported, especially if they can't get that from their own families or community. It also continues to normalize gay, lesbian and queer love, in a time when LGBTQ+ rights are still threatened around the country and the world. Following these premises, the stereotypic expectation on lesbian sexuality could be defined as having less sexual frequency and desire because the “drive-bringer” male figure is missing, whereas more importance is given to relationship and intimacy. Early studies on sexual frequency reported a lower rate of sexual activity in lesbian compared to heterosexual women [ 15]. The term “lesbian bed death (LBD)” was coined to indicate a decrease of sexual frequency and desire in lesbian couples after 1–2 years in long-term relationships [ 16]. This unfriendly term suggested that LBD is a lesbian-specific phenomenon referred to the quantity of sexual activity, devaluing the importance of quality in sexual experience [ 17••]. LBD is based on the idea of the existence of a standard frequency of sexual activity in couples [ 18], and sexual distress is not contemplated in most of these studies. Her husband reacted surprisingly well too, suggesting that they enrol in therapy to help both of them exit their long-standing relationship. I took this as my cue to make a commitment and said I would move to the suburbs to be with her and her three children, once her husband had moved out. Sitting in meetings with her at the prominent literary agency where we both worked left me feeling weak. Usually never short of things to say, in her presence, I’d marvel at her ability to drain all quips from my mind, leaving my mouth bone-dry. But I knew the cliché and I refused to succumb to the stereotype of being the young, ambitious 25-year-old who screws the boss.

Lau J, Kim J, Tsui H. Prevalence and factors of sexual problems in Chinese males and females having sex with the same-sex partner in Hong-Kong: a population-based study. Int J Impot Res. 2006;1:130–40. https://doi.org/10.1038/sj.ijir.3901368.Adam PC, Murphy DA, de Wit JB. When do online sexual fantasies become reality? The contribution of erotic chatting via the internet to sexual risk-taking in gay and other men who have sex with men. Health Educ Res. 2011;26(3):506–15. https://doi.org/10.1093/her/cyq085. Weinstein A, Katz L, Eberhardt H, Cohen K, Lejoyeux M. Sexual compulsion—relationship with sex, attachment and sexual orientation. J Behav Addict. 2015;4(1):22–6. https://doi.org/10.1556/JBA.4.2015.1.6. One day the Lord was pleased by a strange providence to cast me into the company of one that I never saw before, but of a sweet and free disposition…………. It pleased the Lord to carry our hearts much towards one another at that time……[82] Iasenza S. Queering the new view. Fem Psychol. 2008;18(4):537–45. https://doi.org/10.1177/0959353508095535. Early studies [ 89, 90] highlighted that gay men seem to engage more frequently in erotic fantasies than heterosexuals, both during masturbation and partnered sexual activity. Gay men seem to be principally triggered by visual stimuli and oriented to body parts rather than real partners. An Italian study partially confirmed these premises, recognizing a central role to physical, emotional, and relational elements in the imagery [ 91]. Gay men reported more fantasies concerning exploratory (e.g., having an orgy), intimate (e.g., romantic scenes), and impersonal sexual activities (e.g., sex with strangers) than heterosexual men. No difference was found in paraphilic-related fantasies [ 92].