A toxic relationship is typically a two-way street. But in a mother-child relationship, the parent does wield the bulk of the emotional responsibility — hence why there are a lot more toxic moms than toxic daughters. It’s not always clear when a parent is crossing a line, but experts agree that signs your mom is toxic can be found in the way she speaks to you. So, if you’re finding it difficult to break free from destructive family cycles, maybe you should also give it a try. One of the things that may be making you feel isolated from your family is that they seem to leave you out. When a parent is prone to toxicity, they often have a Rolodex of biting phrases that come out on a regular basis. Things like “why don’t you just grow up” or “I never said that” might ring a bell. And if it truly is an ongoing problem, it can start to affect your relationship with them as well as how you feel about yourself. Parenting is a massive tsunami of inadequacy. This book is a gentle, supportive hand to help us ride that tsunami, both personal and objective. I found it deeply comforting’ Davina McCall

The way you are with family members in the present might be influenced by outdated behaviors established in childhood. And those can be very overwhelming to carry. If you do feel like your emotions are getting out of hand, I really recommend trying out Rudá Iandê’s free Breathwork Masterclass. The writer spoke with Sam and Gaby about the importance of parents listening to their kids. “The one thing I learnt from all the people I talked to is that mums and dads just want to solve everything and want to put everything right. Sometimes teenagers don’t really want that, they want you to listen to them and the language they use, especially around anxiety. The language around anxiety is really important. If your mom is immature, it may feel like you’ve always been the “mom” in the situation. This is what’s known as “ parentification,” Dr. Racine R. Henry, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. "It’s when children are expected to perform the physical/emotional/mental duties normally expected of a parent.” Parentification is unfair to experience as a kid because the parent/child roles are reversed. And as an adult, it can mean you have all sorts of conflict because your mom is unwilling to change, says Henry. If your opinions are routinely dismissed it can indicate that family members don’t respect or value what you have to say. 17) When you try to explain how you feel — they gaslight youWhilst you should always seek help and never tolerate physical abuse, it’s also important to recognize verbal or emotional abuse. Even as adults, we still sometimes turn into tiny children when our parents demand things. But there does come a point where you are allowed to (and can) grow beyond this, especially if it’s not doing your mental state any good. Rudá Iandê is a world famous shaman who has helped thousands of people develop between relationships with themselves and with their loved ones. And yes, that includes constructing better barriers with parents when necessary.

Occasionally when parents or other relatives think they know what is best for us, they can end up trying to force their own will rather than letting you live your own life. It’s tough having a toxic mom, but remember there are things you can do to cope. As Patel says, “You are not your mom. You can take control and detach yourself. Seek support and therapy if needed. Do not react, take this personally, and do not feel responsible for your mom’s feelings. It is not our job to rescue her.”

This is a survivor’s guide for mums. This book will help you connect with your daughter and feel good about your mothering as you raise the bright and brilliant young women of tomorrow. We’ve all heard of sibling rivalry, but this goes far beyond “the last one to the car is a rotten egg”. We’ve all had to deal with assholes before, but what do you do when those assholes are actually meant to be your nearest and dearest? Whilst you may think you didn’t choose the role of victim in your family dynamics — that it arose from the situation — it doesn’t mean you have to play that role. If you feel like you can’t do it alone and need outside help, you can always seek the advice of a professional, a support group, or a therapist. Conclusion