A-haaa!" (LYNN) What if Tony Hayers sees "Cook, Pass, Babtridge" painted on your car? (ALAN) Don't worry, Lynn, I'll play it down. Opening sequence - me in Trafalgar Square feeding the pigeons, going, "Oh, God!" I'm sorry, no! Stop! - "Youth Hosteling with Chris Eubank.

Do you go around drawing peephole bras on the wall? But it was different for me, like 'cause I was in the army when I was seventeen.Alan: You’ve gone again, GOODNIGHT! Alan is in his hotel room, reading an article by Tony Hayers on a sweep up at the BBC, Alan reacts immediately by reeling off some ideas for programmes into his Dictaphone:

Tony: I don’t think you should see your future just at the BBC, Alan. I just think it’s time for you to consider moving on to new pastures. Alan: That’s one way of looking at it. Another way of looking at it is, people like them, let’s make some more of them. Sophie, could you deal with this? - Sophie? - Mr Partridge? At the end of the week I'm meeting Tony Hayers at the BBC. Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady. Alan: Abandon that, Lynn, it’s not working. Ok, doomsday scenario. You, Tony Hayers, have decide not to give me another television series. Why? Be tough.

Alan: People want to err… did he ever turn all the lights off in the house and run towards you with a torch, hoping to try and catch the reflection in your eyes? Alan: A-ha! [Estate agent looks perplexed] Alan meets Tony Hayers for lunch to discuss Alan’s future at the BBC: