As much as it’s difficult for me to post about this book I wanted to share it so others who may need it know they aren’t as alone as they feel and that there are resources out there for them. According to Maurya, this belief stems from having a mother who only provides you with love and approval if you do what she wants.

Imagine a person who has an ailment and has gone to the doctor or multiple doctors for years to get help and can never get the right diagnosis or treatment. They continue to live with the ailment for years feeling like there is no hope, no resolution and at times they are either a bit crazy or selfish for wanting to feel better, yet never quite giving up on finding an answer. Then one day they go to a doctor who understands the problem, diagnoses the problem and tells that person there is a solution. There is an actual name for it and a reason for why they have felt this way. After all the years of dealing with it, they now realize that there truly is a cure for the ailment and there is hope, understanding and relief. That is how I would describe my experience with you, Dr. McBride.” Posting this review scares me so much. There is so much shame and aloneness that comes with this situation. It’s a situation I’ve been trying to navigate for around 2 years. Maurya says that the neglect, abuse, or emotional absence that may come with having a mother with narcissistic tendencies can make you question whether or not you’re safe with other people. This ultimately impacts how you navigate love and connect with others throughout life.

Sons of Narcissistic Mothers

Similar to the effects of conditional love, “when your parent only loves you under a certain set of paradigms and loves big, it’s easy to think that you have to obey certain rules, even if it sacrifices your own needs,” explains Lis. This book is a good place to start, although I did feel that it often reinforced the misconception that managing a narcissistic mother was the responsibility of the daughter in this mother-daughter relationship. It is not. Narcissistic Mothers: The Characteristics of the Narcissistic Parent: Jealousy, Manipulation, Gaslighting. Consequences on Daughters. Recovery from abuse of a toxic relationship with a mother by Elizabeth Ex Narcissistic Mothers: The truth about the problem with being the daughter of a narcissistic mother, and how to fix it. A guide for healing and recovering after narcissistic abuse by Dr. Theresa Covert Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, gives a voice to the feelings these daughters have buried, offers them insight into the origins of their pain, and provides a blueprint for healing that can be personally tailored to each reader. Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, explains the narcissistic mother dynamics to adult daughters and provides them with strategies so that they can begin to overcome their legacy of distorted love and enjoy their lives more fully.

The authors explain the impact of this kind of emotional abuse, and they provide clear, highly effective techniques for overcoming the legacy of a narcissistic mother as well as other types of toxic mothers. If you need to focus on yourself and how to effect change in your life after dealing with a narcissistic mother, this book may be for you. It gives you clarity on what your path to healing should consist of. I think this book is great for someone initially discovering there’s a problem. It really gives great descriptions and lists of what you may be experiencing. It also gives some good coping/breathing strategies. Some I already knew of, but some that I’ve since tried and found helpful. There’s also true stories of other women and broke them apart to have better understanding. Potential conditions you might develop as a result of childhood trauma, like growing up with a mother who behaved in narcissistic ways, include:

Susan Forward has more than 35 years worth of experience as a therapist and has helped thousands of people recover from toxic parenting. This book examines specifically the impact a toxic mother has on her daughters. When I was a little girl, I had a talking doll named “Chatty Cathy." Whenever I pulled her string, she spoke the same phrases: “Tell me a story,” or “Please brush my hair.” It may seem strange, but when I think about how to describe narcissistic mothers, I have visions of that talking doll. A narcissistic mother’s interactions with her daughter are as predictably self-centered as the Chatty Cathy doll. No matter how many times the daughter “pulls the string”- hoping that her mother will focus on her and her needs, the mother’s involvement with her is always about Mom. As small children we don’t understand these dynamics between ourselves and our mothers. Mom may look like the perfect mother, just like Chatty Cathy looked like the perfect friend, yet the child is constantly struggling with feelings of disappointment, sadness, emptiness, and frustration. She is longing for the emotional support and nurturing that she never receives from her mother.

She notes that this can lead to future relationship failures or low self-esteem. Believing you must abide by rules to belong With this book, you learn how a narcissist’s mind works and how they manipulate people emotionally. You also get an understanding of how you are affected by having a narcissistic mother. For many years I thought I understood the relationship between me and my mother. In the beginning our relationship when I was a child, I could have received a perfect report card or all blue ribbons on field day at school, and the common response from my mother was “Oh, that’s nice honey…” I never felt like I was ever doing anything good enough. I tried harder and harder, but the responses were the same. Later in my teens I went the rebellious route. I strived for horrible grades, I stayed out late, and lied to her. These usually ended up with no responses except she would call her friends and talk about how terrible I was. Then her alcoholism came into play. I was repeatedly reminded of my “bad” behavior from when I was young and told that I wouldn't make anything of myself. That I should just find a wealthy man and marry him because I could never have a future or career. When I was older and got engaged, I showed her my 3 carat diamond ring and her response was, “Well, I hope you're worth it.” I still strived and would tell her of my accomplishments no matter how large or small they were. Usually she replied with telling me about something great she did, or about where the next cruise was going to take her or how much money she had. Honestly through all of this, I thought this was normal. I never saw what the relationship was really about. I knew I hurt inside and I felt empty and unsuccessful but I didn't understand it." I am very excited to be trained, certified, and actively using the 5-step recovery model of the Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Workshop/Training, and I am looking forward to continuing to help women recognize, implement, and heal from the pain of growing up with a self-absorbed mother.”

This may be a great resource for women with low-level narc moms, but in cases where the narcissism is a lot more severe and the effects of it devastating, this book is a slap in the face. I just finished reading "Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers," and let me tell you, it's the kind of book you need a stiff drink to get through. And not just because it's like looking into a soul-crushing mirror, but because of those "OMG, that's me" moments.

Alice Miller was renowned for her work on childhood trauma, and in this book, she discusses the enduring effects it has on your ability to deal with feelings of repressed anger and pain. She notes that many of the most successful people suffer with feelings of emptiness and alienation. No matter how you feel today as a result of your relationship with your mother, know that your experience is valid. And it’s possible to heal and recover from the long-term impacts of having a mother with narcissistic tendencies. Learn about narcissism The only helpful things I found were the journalling aspect, and even so much of that asks the same questions with minute differences, and also that it validates your experience and reminds you that you are not alone.

She specifically takes you through the various ways in which toxic parents can have a devastating effect on your life. But she also helps you realize those wounds can be healed, and you can move on to have a happy, fulfilling life. She explains the four types of problem parents and how you can free yourself from their toxicity. 5. Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss For example, hearing your mother’s disapproving nagging in your head seems pretty surface level compared to years of emotional manipulation you have to unfurl. This isn’t to say hearing your mother’s disappointment in your mind isn’t painful, it’s just a different kind of pain than what others have had. I guess putting it nicely it feels a bit 2 dimensional.