Our Super-Good Really Helpful Workbook List all the things you want or have ever wanted in a man. We’ll give you five lines. We’ll wait…. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Now look at your list. Did “married” or “emotionally unavailable” make that list? Yeah, we didn’t think so. You’re far too classy and smart for that. What is sometimes mean: I’m just not that into you. I’m just not that into you. A guy you should stay away from. I’m just not that into you. I’m just not that into you. I’m just not that into you. I’m just not that into you. What it should mean: I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I was just inaugurated president of United States today. A guy you should stay away from. I can’t find my pants. I just dropped my cell phone in the ocean and I lost your number. I don’t want to date your mom. A fear of being intimate.

This is where I have to put my practicing Catholic hat on and say, “This is definitely not always true.” Especially if the person has religious, moral, and other reasons for which they don’t want to have sex with you (until a certain time). Moreover, people’s attitudes to sex differs greatly and like it or not, the way people view sex can be a deal-breaker. But in my observation of secular society, sometimes it’s the people who want to wait, that are actually really into you. So again, this piece of advice depends heavily on the values and perspectives of the individuals involved. 5. “He’s just not that into you If he’s having sex with someone else.” He’s Just Not That Into You - If He’s Having Sex with Someone Else There’s Never Going to Be a Good Excuse for Cheating If he cheats on you, throw the deadbeat out. Just kidding. I know things aren’t that simple. This is a very complicated subject, I’ll admit. Some will argue, “It’s just sex, what does it matter?” Some will argue that you shouldn’t throw away a meaningful relationship just because of one indiscretion. This all may be true. But this is what I know: Whatever problems you may have been having in your relationship, they didn’t merit him having sex with someone else. Don’t ask what you did wrong. Don’t share the blame. And in case he tells you that it just “happened,” please remember, cheating doesn’t just “happen.” It’s not an accident as in, “Oops, I just slipped and fell into a sexual relationship with someone else.” It was planned and executed with the full knowledge that it could end your relationship. Know this: If he’s sleeping with someone else without your knowledge or encouragement, he is not only behaving like a man who’s just not that into you, he’s behaving like a man who doesn’t even like you all that much.Glossary Now that you’ve set your standards, we want to make sure you keep them. People talk about looking out for the red flags, but they don’t often tell you how to find them. That’s why we’ve comprised a handy glossary of the most-often-used words that guys say when what they really mean is “I’m just not that into you.” Seemingly Innocent Words and Phrases That Can Also Be Used for Evil The “He’s So Into Me That Now He’s Not” Excuse Dear Greg, I’ve been dating a guy for a month. We’ve had sex and it’s been nice. Just when it seemed like things were really “taking off,” we stopped having sex. I’ve stayed over at his house four times now and we end up just…sleeping. Some cuddling, but that’s about it. It’s weird, but sex just doesn’t happen anymore. It’s humiliating to have to ask him what’s going on, so I’m just going to assume that it’s actually because he’s really, really into me, and he’s just scared. Sally FROM THE DESK OF GREG Dear Just Cuddling, A month? A month?! Are you freaking kidding me? This should be the time when he’s getting comfortable enough to bring up the subject of outfits, positions, lotions, and anal. A month? The only thing he should be tired of is thinking of different ways to ravage you. And after only a month, he really wouldn’t be tired of that. Now, you can get up the nerve to ask him what’s going on—communication is never a bad idea. But my guess is that you probably already have - 16 - The “It’s Better Than Nothing” Excuse Dear Greg, I’ve been dating a guy for six months. We see each other about every two weeks. We have a great time, we have sex, it’s all really nice. I thought if I just let things develop, we would start to see each other more often. But instead, it’s staying in this every-two-weeks situation. I really like him, so I still feel like it’s better than nothing. And you never know, things can change at any time. I know he’s really busy, and maybe this is the most time he can dedicate to a relationship right now. So maybe I should actually feel honored that he’s able to give me as much time as he does, and he might actually really like me. No? Lydia FROM THE DESK OF GREG Dear Better Than Nothing, Really? Is better than nothing what we’re going for now? I was hoping for at least a lot better than nothing. Or perhaps even something. Have you lost your marbles? Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time? Just because he’s busy doesn’t make him more valuable. “Busy” does not mean “better.” In my book, any guy who can wait two weeks to see you, is just not that into you. Oh, how easy it is for you all to forget what it’s about! Let me remind you: It’s about the guy who wants you, calls you, makes you feel sexy and desired fully. He wants to see you more and more often because every time he sees you, he likes and then loves you more and more. I know. Every two weeks, once a month, seeing someone, having a little love and affection may help you get through the day or the week or the month—but will it help you get through a lifetime?

This is What It Should Look Like, by Greg I regretfully admit to having “disappeared” on a woman in my previous life as a single guy. A year later I saw this woman on the street, standing in front of a café. She looked stunning and was holding hands with a very handsome dude. I realized that I was of course ten million miles out of her head, and probably had been two minutes after I stopped calling her. Her life looked way more dignified than my behavior. Fine. Next time I’m in this situation I’ll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on. Fine. Have it your way, Greg. I still think my way could work. You Are All Dating the Same Guy Hey. I know that guy you’re dating. Yeah, I do. He’s that guy that’s so tired from work, so stressed about the project he’s working on. He’s just been through an awful breakup and it’s really hitting him hard. His parents’ divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can’t get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is about. He just got a new apartment and the move is a bitch. As soon as it all calms down he’ll leave his wife, girlfriend, crappy job. God, he’s so complicated. He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life. Are there men who are too busy or have been through something so horrible that makes it hard for them to get involved? Yes, but there are so few of them that they should be considered urban legends. For as already suggested, a man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he’s just not that into you. That’s why we’ve written this book. We wanted to get the excuses out of the closet, so to speak, so they can be seen for exactly what they are: really bad excuses. Hey—do you remember that movie when the girl waited around for the guy to ask her out, then made excuses when he didn’t? Then she slept with him when they were both drunk, and basically just hung around until they were kind of dating? Then he cheated on her, but because she knew deep down inside that if she forgave him and kept her expectations low and was really agreeable that she’d get him in the end? He was drunk at the wedding but they lived miserably ever after in an unsatisfying relationship that was built on a shitty foundation? You don’t? That’s because those movies don’t get made, because that’s not what love is like. People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. Big movies are made about it, and every relationship you admire bursts with a greatness that you hope for in your own life. And the more you value yourself, the more chance you’ll have of getting it. So read these excuses, have a laugh, and then…put them all to rest. You’re worth it. It’s So Simple Sadly, I can’t be with you ladies all the time, fending off all the bad excuses, and, thereby, bad men that come your way. But what I can do is paint you a picture of what you’ll never see when you’re with a guy who’s really into you: You’ll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You’ll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you’re calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You’ll be too busy being adored.Greg, I Get It! by Leslie, Age 29 Greg! I get it. I went to this party and I met this guy. We started talking immediately by ourselves, off in a corner. He asked if I was single and seemed pleased when I said I was. Whenever we split up to talk to other people, or to get drinks or whatever, he always kept his eye on me. It was really cool. I was all excited and fluttery with that “Oh my God, I think I just met someone!” feeling. He didn’t ask for my number, but we know lots of people in common, so I thought he was just playing it cool. He never called me! And you know what? Normally I would call our mutual friends and start fishing and trying to figure out what happened and maybe try to find another way to see him again. But instead, I’m just going to move on! Who cares what his deal is. He’s not asking me out, so why should I start obsessing over him? I’m just going to go out tonight and try to meet someone else. The “But at Least He Knew Her” Excuse Dear Greg, I’ve been going out with a guy for about a year. We are in love and get along great. Recently he met with his ex-wife who he hasn’t seen in about a year. (She had left him because she met someone else.) They have been divorced about two years. They slept together. I am very upset and want to break up with him. He wants me to forgive him because it wasn’t like it was someone new; it was his ex-wife. He promises me that it will never happen again—just old feelings came up and he couldn’t control himself. I want to forgive him—it was only once—but it feels like everything is ruined. Can he really be in love with me and do this to me? Joyce FROM THE DESK OF GREG Dear Ruined, Who decided to put the “ex” in “sex”? You’re telling me that the “get out of her vagina free” card is that he used to be married to her? Does that mean he can also sleep with the woman who cleans his teeth? How about the lady who develops his photos? Hope he’s not going to his high school reunion. Again, it doesn’t really matter if he’s still in love with you. He’s given you a pretty big clue about how he feels about your relationship. The bigger question is, can you still be in love with him? You can’t blame a guy for having feelings. You love someone, you break up, you still have feelings. Thank God for that really. But having feelings doesn’t mean you have to have sex. That required him to take his feelings and use them to be somewhere alone with his beloved, undress her, kiss her, and do all the other things involved with having sexual intercourse with someone. Hooray for feelings. Just keep them in your pants. Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with. You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time. (You have to be nice to them, too.) There’s never a reason to shout at someone unless they are in imminent danger. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith. What other choice is there? It’s So Simple Learn it, live it, like it, love it: If a man likes you, he’s going to want to have sex with you. Sure, things may slow down in a long-term relationship, but even then, it’s a joy, a gift, and your right to have a fantastic sex life.

Don’t Listen to These Stories Sure. There are the stories. Guys that get pursued by some girl first and she ends up being the love of his life; the guy that treats this girl that he sometimes sleeps with like shit for a couple of years, but she keeps at him and now he’s a devoted husband and father; the guy who doesn’t call a girl that he’s slept with for a month, and then calls her and they live happily ever after; the woman who is sleeping with the married guy who she ends up marrying and having a blissful long-term marriage with. We don’t want you to listen to these stories. These stories don’t help you. These stories are the exceptions to the rule. We want you to think of yourself as the rule. Thinking of yourself as the exception is what got you into this mess in the first place. Tell your friends to stop telling you these stories. Whenever you hear one of these stories, a story where some woman was treated badly but it all worked out okay in the end, just put your hands up to your ears and go “la-lala-la-la!” You are exceptional, but not the exception!!

Additional Video From The Author:

This is What It Should Look Like, by Liz A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up. He then called her, begging her forgiveness and giving some excuse. She told him to get lost, telling him that he only gets one shot with her, and he blew it. Imagine what this woman would have done with a boyfriend who cheated on her? P.S.: One could say she cleared the path for the next guy, who didn’t blow it and is now married to her and treats her like a queen. This is What It Should Look Like, by Liz I have a lady friend whose boyfriend had just moved cross country to live with her, and we were all out having drinks. We got on the subject of marriage, and he went on a huge diatribe of how he didn’t believe in marriage. He grew up in an environment where there was crazy pressure to get married, and all he saw were unhappy, unhealthy marriages. My friend was surprised by this strong reaction, and fairly upset about it. She wasn’t an intensely marriage-minded gal, but she always thought it was going to be an option. She gave it a good deal of thought and realized that what she really wanted was just to be with this man, who had just moved his entire life to be with her. So she got used to the idea that she would never be married. A year later he proposed, because he realized he was in love with her and knew it was something that was important to her. Greg, I Get It! by Adele, Age 26 I was dating a guy I really liked who played in a popular local band. After a few weeks of dating he told me that he slept with some girl after one of his gigs. Sadly, a few years ago I probably would have been so into dating a guy in a band that I would have just pretended it had never happened and forgotten he had ever told me about it. This time, I told him that it was cool; he’s allowed to do whatever he wants. He just won’t be seeing me ever again. It felt great!