In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t confided in Doug. I needed to talk to someone in person whom I trusted, but it didn't have to be someone familiar with Jeff. It would’ve been much easier for me to pretend that the situation never happened. Instead, thanks to Doug, the situation was brought up 6 months later and Jeff confronted me about it. I’m definitely attracted to this guy, and I guess hooking up with him was always a fantasy of mine. But I tried to keep that fantasy out of my mind as much as possible because I valued his friendship so much. I wanted to see him as a good friend, not as the object of some fantasy. I thought that would only cause problems with the friendship, regardless of whether he knew about the fantasy or not.

I recognize that part of the “flavor” is psychologically based. But in the final analysis, the end result is a yummier load. Well, at least for me. We ended up talking on the phone again about a week later when I asked if some friends could come over and watch football. During this conversation Jeff brought up the sexual encounter again and stressed how important it was that his girlfriend not find out about it. I told him that I had no intention of telling his girlfriend. Do you think she will understand that this was just a physical act that occurred in your intoxicated state and in no way reflects on your sexual preference? I’ve told you that I don’t think this makes you gay or even bi, but it’s not like you can just print off this post and show it to your girlfriend as proof. I think that most straight people have a problem understanding situations like this because they identify so strongly with being straight. So until they find themselves in a similar situation, they don’t see how it can be possible for a straight person to have a sexual experience with a person of the same sex and not be gay or at least bisexual. This is why you’re having such a hard time dealing with the whole experience, and it’s very likely that your girlfriend would have a problem with it for the same reasons. I hope that you are able to come to terms with this situation, realize why it happened, and realize that it doesn’t change anything about you or your orientation. I think it would be much harder for your girlfriend to come to terms with the situation because she’s not the one it happened to. Eventually, things came to a head. After about 9 months of feeling like I was doing all the work to keep the friendship together, he cancelled on me one night at the last minute. I'd had enough. I called him and gave him a piece of my mind (the sexual encounter was never brought up). We haven't talked since that phone call.he told the girlfriend that he was drunk and remembers nothing so she can believe the lie too. he told you that as well as an indirect way of saying "whatever happened, dont bring it up again and it did not happen".

I have never been intoxicated enough to not recollect my actions, especially engaging in sex with someone, and I sincerely doubt the honesty of anyone who claims such complete and total memory loss. Your best option is to let it go, chaulk it up to an error and forget it. If he comes to you with a confession and a willingness to leave her and move forward with you, then you will have your answers, and what you want.

Could he really remain awake and aroused and physically active during all of this, yet forget it all by the time he woke up the next morning? I don’t pretend to remember everything (I was pretty drunk myself), but I sure remember enough to know it happened. Since it was the first time you've both seen each other since it happened, it was inevitable that it'd be awkward. It's like a bond of trust that's been broken and needs to be rebuilt. He's afraid that if he drinks around you that it's going to happen again. I understand you feel terrible about keeping this secret from your girlfriend. Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship. But some stones are better left unturned. Ultimately you’ll have to decide this on your own. I agree that the best thing to do is to put the whole thing out of my mind and pretend it never happened. The only way I think he would ever bring it up would be to guage my response to determine if I remembered anything. Should I text him to say I know something happened that night that shouldn't have happened? And that I've been feeling very confused and stressed about the situation? Or do I just try to pretend it never happened and hope it becomes a distant memory and that when we next see each other we can just laugh it off?