Family decisions and life decisions are always under his authority while you get the “small” stuff. We’re only a generation or two away from the homemaker/breadwinner model,” she says. Every couple has to reinvent what’s right for them—a strict feminist model calls for a precise 50-50 split, but Dunn argues for what “feels equitable” to each couple.

Once a week I send out a newsletter with new articles and unique content for readers. It is my way of staying in touch with you and giving you free advice based on some important topics. So building that bridge between you and your man needs to start with small things, and it needs to start from a place where both of you accept that you want to make each other happy. When I raised this topic with my husband, in the most gentle and therapeutic way possible, I wasn’t met with a very receptive response. As moms and wives, most of us have to bring up the conversation of having our partners become, well, actual partners. However, when we do bring it up, the responses we get aren’t too warm or fuzzy. For example, “I feel frustrated and unsupported when I come out from putting the baby to bed to find the kitchen still a mess and you relaxing on the couch because it feels like I have to do it all by myself and that your relaxation is more important than mine.” Leave the housetime out, photo, and "I know that what I'm about to do is going to cause you harm, but right now, my anger is more important to me than you are." (<\3) However you do it, be clear about who is in charge of each task and then let them be responsible for it. Skip the L word You’ve been married 5, 10, 15 years, and it feels like the part of your life where you experience new things is over. Overall, I think this book misses the mark on parenting for moms and dads. There are a lot of studies mentioned, many of them about how much “better” women are than men at various things. And, the overall tone is similar in that moms are the master parents and dads are idiot robots meant to be manipulated by their partner and serve as glorified babysitters to the children. But these days it feels like he couldn’t care less about what you really want, and maybe, as a reaction, you treat him the same way.

How To Not Hate Your Husband After Kids is extremely helpful, and even comforting, if for no other reason than you realize that many couples are confronting the same programming and conflicts you are—and have managed to fight their way clear. “We’re only a generation or two away from the homemaker/breadwinner model,” she says. Every couple has to reinvent what’s right for them—a strict feminist model calls for a precise 50-50 split, but Dunn argues for what “feels equitable” to each couple. Enter Jancee, her well-meaning but blithely unhelpful husband, their daughter, and her boisterous extended family, who show us the ways in which outmoded family patterns and traditions thwart the overworked, overloaded parents of today. OK, if you don't have a degree in counseling or a related field, the book is hereby recommended to you for the useful advice contained therein. Now I'm going to complain.There’s no reason as to why you should have to deal with unnecessary stress during the most exciting years of your life. For this reason, it’s better to seek the guidance you need before your relationship becomes unrecognizable. Final Thoughts

I wish Tom's 10 percent effort was enough, but it isn't. I feel like he's a guest at the hotel I'm running. I'm constantly taking a silent feminist stand to see if he'll step up and lend a hand. The scorekeeping never ends. Adding to my resentment is that on weekends, Tom somehow manages to float around in a happy single-guy bubble. A typical Saturday for him starts with a game of soccer with his friends or a five-hour bike ride (he seemed to take up endurance sports right around the time our baby's umbilical cord was cut, like the sound of the snip was a starter's pistol to get the hell out of Dodge). What You Could Do: Assert yourself and see how he responds. Show him that you’re not happy being the quiet housewife type that so many men think is normal amongst women.I loved this book because it had so many hands-on ideas for improving relationships. And not just marriage, but also how you interact with your children, your parents or in-laws, your neighbors and your co-workers.