I was in two minds of whether to review this publicly, because the title tells you a lot about the reader. As a Betrayed Spouse, I've got so much hurt 😭 that I have had to work on me, but I was more self aware than my husband. After my husband of over 2 decades cheated and moved out to live with his affair partner of 3 weeks, I looked everywhere for support and advice. While there’s a lot of tough love and it was hard to read at time because it’s all still so raw, the book provides advice on ways to heal and move forward.

Yes I understand the hurt pain and anguish but reinforcing this is a time of possible reconciliation if harmful. I am eternally grateful to Tracy Schorn for clearly and thoroughly relating her insights and experiences.The real life questions and her responses at the end of the chapters were very interesting and I'd say that I'm much more knowledgeable about the language and thoughts around processing infidelity. This person has just demonstrated to you in the most intimate and humiliating way how little respect they have for your feelings. I think you should probably have been taking active steps long ago to assume control of your life and leave someone who obviously has no interest in loving you or keeping his marriage. Full of solid advice that champions self-respect, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity.

Unless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources. Believe me, I get it that some people can't get past an affair and some people will not stop cheating. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters,their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy.showcases that your default when challenged is not to offer solid proof, but to go straight for the gaslight. It simply takes the basic, generally-accepted tenets of self-respect and applies them (gasp) to the world of divorce.

Sometimes men don't even think their wives like them anymore-they just like the paycheck and the lifestyle. She deliberately encourages the reader to hype up angry emotions by focusing on their victimhood and all the hurts and injustices they have suffered. Your cheater had an entire decision tree of options, beginning with difficult conversations, therapy, and divorce lawyers. You cannot cheat on someone without gaslighting and lying to them, denying their reality, bit by bit, lie by lie. Betrayed, I'm not sure how much time you've spent using our resources, but we definitley do not focus on how the betrayed spouse contributed to the affair.

Having discovered my husband (now ex-husband) was having an affair earlier this year, I've been riding the infidelity/betrayal rollercoaster. My disagreement with the statement comes from my experience with cheaters who became deeply remorseful in ways that continued to affect them long after the initial shame had dissipated. But I also know that for couples who both want real reconciliation and change (and, believe it or not, there are so some) we can help them understand what that requires, too. Somehow they convince themselves that they can cheat and it is important for the wayward spouse to remember that it is this 'convincing' that causes them to cheat not something the betrayed spouse ever did. Psych studies have shown that being exposed to hostile humour especially sarcasm is very injurious to the human immune system it also has a negative affect on relationships and psychological well being.

I counsel now because I was encouraged by others to do so after I started getting my act together and talk to others about my failures and regrets. Thankyou Tracy for being so honest and writing exactly what I’ve been thinking but couldn’t put into words.And the theft is possible only because we’ve been duped into believing this person loves us and is on our team. It could be argued that manipulation of this sort isn't necessarily wrong because appreciation of any creative work usually demands a certain willingness to go along with what the creator is trying to get you to feel and will control you without you even knowing that your psychological buttons are being pushed. I think I'm going to end up getting through it in one sitting and I'm probably also going to get the physical book too. He proceeded to engage in crazy-making abuser behavior (gaslighting), and I began to feel like I was losing my mind. Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead.