I’m just happy as Barbie,” says Evans. “The narrative is not: I’m on the search for Ken. I’m hoping Ken’s going to find me.” My Ken confidence inflates when fairground operations director James, who is also standing at the local elections, wrongly assumes I’m a professional Ken. I reveal I’m a lowly journalist with a death wish for looking ridiculous. There is no faking my nerves as inline skating Ken clings on to Barbie for dear life. The 16-year-old skateboarding me dies with shame. I wonder if topless mermaid Ken is a step too far, but go with it anyway. Geaux Tigers®! Wearing LSU’s signature white uniform with purple and gold accent colors and matching pom-poms, the Louisiana State University Barbie® cheerleader captures the pride and spirit of the Tigers. Victory for L-S-U! Ryan Gosling as Ken and Margot Robbie as Barbie in the new film. Photograph: Courtesy Warner Bros Pictures

The Barbie movie will drive strong female leads and Barbiecore fashion. But will the world’s biggest Kencore summer and Ken’s nice guy Ken-ergy also lead to a summertime of plastic celibacy? Surely there is something we can do to help the poor guy out? 8am: Ken therapy

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Sarah bellows her instructions. “More vacant. No, too vacant!” “More camp. No, too camp!” Barbie is a natural at posing for the camera. My Ken-poses, less so. The costume changes soon fly. After an afternoon shooting as Barbie and Ken, I’m beginning to match Evans’ excitement for the Barbie movie, and wonder what it will mean for Ken. These days, it’s not all thin blond Barbies and muscular, brunette Kens. Barbie and Ken are inclusive of all body shapes, cultures, skin tones and genders. Which is good to know because, looking at me, there is one obvious thing that distracts from the usual Ken. That’s right: I’m not very thin.

There has been a lot of controversy around Barbie’s body and appearance, as if she’s a real person, but very few dolls have realistic body proportions when you think about it. It’s quite remarkable,” muses Monier. “She is just a toy, after all.” Evans seems delighted at our photoshoot – even if it is just me. “I’ve always wanted to shoot with a Ken. Now I’ve found one.” As we jump into the car, my Ken confidence reaches a new high. In a post on social media, Geronimo said: “At this time I will not be providing comment on the events of the last few days. I am consulting with my advisors as to my options moving forward, including an accurate reflection of the situation.”She said she had been overwhelmed by the support she has received since Geronimo’s awful comments, adding that it “means a lot.”

It is great to learn more about Evans. (“Show an interest in her as a person,” my mentor Mooney advises. “Find out about her, the things she likes doing. But don’t make it an interview!”)Perhaps Evans can describe what on earth is going on in the trailer, because, frankly, I haven’t got a Kenneth. Remember all the high school movies where cheerleading was a thing? If you didn’t participate in such activities, now it’s your chance! Try the Pom-Pom Squad game, so Barbie can teach you what it takes to be a winner. During a performance, a stunt is what usually makes the crowd go wild. Thus, your main task is to pull off impressive formations.